This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

And then the dam burst. Like it had been pent up. Then it all lets go at all once; there is so much going right now on right now that one mind can hardly keep up with it all. The stock market tanked yesterday on the worst job numbers since the great global financial meltdown. And within 24 hrs. Bloomberg was calling it a tech rout. Sure, that’s all it was. Everything is under control. Nothing to see here, move along. It’s just an isolated incident; keep buying stocks! It’s always a good time to buy more stocks! It only looks like a disaster from a distance!

Never mind the huge sell-off! Never mind Bitcoin dropping to half its price from six months ago! It’s coming back, stronger than ever! Just you wait and see! So what! The Donald Trump coin lost 15% of its value. It’s coming…okay. Well, so what?

The President gave his best speech at the annual prayer breakfast. I’ll leave you with just the headlines. PBS – Trump says, he should probably make it into heaven. Unless it’s all fixed like that damn Nobel committee. Trump mocks Speaker of the House and all-around “good dog”  Mike Johnson for his prayer ritual. There, that ought to warm up the crowd. (Tap, tap.) Is this thing on? More copies of the Bible were sold last year than at any time in the last hundred years. Call me cynical, but that sounds like one of those made-up Donald Trump statistics. Who is going to double-check a statistic like that? Just your typical rambling Trump 25^th Amendment type speech. That, or they opened a record number of hotels last year. Simple math, Bible sales equal sinners repented.

In Epstein news, we’ve learned that Bill Gates is probably one of worst liars to ever to come down the pike. In an interview, his lips kept saying no, but he eyes kept saying yes. “I swear the dog ate my homework!” We also learned that Elon Musk is an even a bigger dweeb than previously thought. Elon says he’s ready to get out there and party. (Oh, I love the nightlife. I got to boogie! At the disco, I, I, yeah!) At one of Jeff’s well-known great parties, like the ones Elon’s heard so much about. And Jeff answers with, oh yeah, sure thing Elon. Next time we throw one of those great parties, we’ll be sure to call you! (Nix, nix, no, no never.) It really gives you some insight into Epstein’s parties. Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Woody Allen, sure! But Elon, I don’t think so. The richest man in the world, but nobody wants to play with him.

Among all of the many Trump scandals there is above all scandals, the mother of all scandals. A whistleblower complaint so top-secret, Tulsi Gabbard kept it locked in her safe for eight months even though the law said she was required to turn it over to Congress within two weeks. So top-secret that even the whistleblower’s attorney isn’t allowed to see it. What we know so far is that the case involves a terrible breach of our national security and involves executive privilege. Gosh, I wonder who that could mean? Paging Colonel Vindeman, phone call for Colonel Vindeman! Loose lips sink administrations! Oh, no! He wouldn’t do that again, would he? Facepalm! Another perfect phone call!

Politicians and business executives are all resigning from high-profile positions over Epstein revelations. As Mr. Trump asks, “Our Justice Department is really busy fighting crime. I think we should just move on.” Said with the conviction of a fake reality TV star. Gosh, if the media wasn’t so busy defending him at every opportunity, there’s no telling what might happen. Prince Andrew gets kicked out of the royal family and has to go live in the royal woodshed. Chairman of a prestigious law firm steps down over Epstein allegations. George Mitchell resigns from the Mitchell Institute over his three hundred mentions in the Epstein files. But Donald Trump just keeps rocking along despite being mentioned over 5,000 times in the Epstein files! It’s almost as if there is a cover-up going on or something. Everyone losing their jobs, except for you know who. But he’s pretty sure he’s going to heaven! Yes, sir, pretty sure!

Mr. Trump revealed our newest secret weapon used to overpower the mighty Venezuelan military. It’s a top-secret weapons system known as the “Discombobulator” I sincerely hope that whoever named that weapons system has been fired. Before they name something else the “Whatsamajiggy.” The “Discombobulator” works by obviously discombobulating enemy troops. But now that the cat is out of the bag and our adversaries are warned. They will certainly start building their own “Discombobulator” and we will have start working on an anti-Discombobulator costing us billions. We will probably will end up in a discombobulating arms race.

In a fit of dynastic ego and historical dumbass hubris. Donald Trump wanted Penn Station and Dulles International Airport renamed after himself in exchange for releasing rail tunnels funding. I know, it appears sometimes as if someone has put LSD in our morning coffee. But this is real and not a hallucination. You just can’t make this stuff up!

Trump wants to build an Arc of Triumph only bigger than Napoleon’s. What did Napoleon ever do? No word yet on exactly what Trump triumph is supposed to be commemorated. But build it and maybe and the Triumph will come!

In an act of Christian charity and gift to a weary nation, Donald Trump will not be attending this year’s Donald J. Trump Memorial Super Bowl LV. To be played in the Donald J. Trump Memorial Stadium in the beautiful city of Donald J. Trump, California. The reasons for the no-share multiple; it’s too far away! He doesn’t want to see Bad Bunny perform, or he doesn’t want to be booed by seventy thousand people  It’s just too hard to say which one, for sure!

The White House – Under President Donald Trump’s second administration, the United States has surged into a new era of prosperity, marked by record-setting economic growth and trillions in new private-sector investments fueled by tax reforms, deregulation, and a renewed focus on American innovation.

The nation has solidified its position as the global leader in artificial intelligence, with record-setting capital expenditures driving productivity and technological advancement.

At home, decisive policies have secured the southern border, reducing illegal entries to historic lows unseen in decades and restoring national sovereignty, while energy dominance and cost-cutting measures have significantly improved affordability for families.

Abroad, a doctrine of peace through strength has secured alliances, ended eight wars, and positioned America as an indispensable force for global stability. As these achievements compound, we have unmistakably entered a Golden Age of American greatness, promising even greater opportunity and security ahead.”

I dunno, maybe they did put LSD in our coffee? I think I’m having a bad trip, man!

“It is the task of the enlightened not only to ascend to learning and to see the good but to be willing to descend again to those prisoners and to share their troubles and their honors, whether they are worth having or not. And this they must do, even with the prospect of death.” ― Plato.