This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It’s beautiful here in North Korea this time of year. It’s always beautiful in North Korea at any time of the year. Our great leader, Kim Don Trump, would not allow it to be any other way. Twenty-four hours after posting the most vile, racist video ever by any Western leader and refusing to apologize for it. All mention of the event has disappeared. Poor Nancy Guthrie, poor Lindsey Vaughn. Gosh, it’s cold outside in February; now that’s real news! Even poor JD Vance and his unnamed guest have jumped into the invisibleizer and disappeared after being roundly booed at the Olympic Games.

Whatever happened to Nickolas Maduro? Have they stopped all the drug trafficking in Venezuela now that they have possession of the oil? Now that they’ve stopped murdering innocent fishermen. Have all of the ICE agents left Minnesota? Gee, it sure has gotten quiet all of a sudden. Just a coincidence, I suppose. All must be calmed and soothed; nothing must be allowed to interfere with the big game. A giant reset on the news on Capitalist Christmas Eve. Shhh, just watch the game and enjoy the grand spectacle of it. Watch the game, you heathens!

All is calm, all is bright. The Bad Bunny controversy is over, and the alternative halftime kerfuffle is soothed. Sure, just watch the game. Millions and millions of dollars are on the line, and we wouldn’t want to take a chance of spoiling that by allowing reality to intrude or interfere with your enjoyment of “The Game.” Aliens landed on the White House lawn? Tell em about it tomorrow!

Way down below the fold, below the ads for weight loss drugs and dick stiffeners. Mark Epstein, brother of the late Jeffrey Epstein, has accused Donald Trump of being involved in his brother’s murder! And they call that news! How cold did you say it was again in Boston? Wow! That’s really cold! What time does the game start? Mark Epstein had submitted a tip to the National Threat Operations Center three years ago, and never heard another word back. What would his brother know about it? It’s a page right out of the Warren Commission. All the news which is chosen to fit. Accused the president, huh? Better get right on that, boys!

“Jeffrey Epstein was murdered in his jail cell,” the tip read. “I have reason to believe he was killed because he was about to name names. I believe Presient (sic) Trump authorized is (sic) murder.”

The Independent reached out to the White House for comment and was unceremoniously referred to the mountain of uncorroborated tips. AKA, the dead letter office. We’ve been really busy here! We can’t go running down every wild, uncorroborated rumor from some distant Epstein relative. According to the White House, the Epstein complaint was unworthy of even an answer. It’s beautiful here in North Korea this time of year. It’s always beautiful in North Korea at any time of the year.

Pure Warren Commission, “You say you saw men behind the fence on the grassy knoll and puffs of smoke? Yeah, we checked that already. Everyone knows it was Lee Harvey Oswald. Understand? Everyone knows that! We don’t have the resources to go running down every crazy tip!”

Just for the sake of argument; suppose you were on the case. And you found a tip in Jeffrey Epstein’s own handwriting. “I have incriminating evidence against Donald Trump, and he has threatened to kill me tonight by faking my suicide!” What exactly would you do with a tip like that? Assign a team of agents to investigate? Or tear it into a thousand tiny little pieces, burn it, and put the ashes in the toilet and flush. That sounds like a career-ending injury.

Years ago, I was friends with a cop from South Alabama. (I know that sounds far-fetched. But it’s true!) His neighbor told him he heard airplanes landing in a field in the middle of the night, so he went and checked the field. He found landing marks in the ground and smudge pots outlining the field. Dutifully, he went to report what he’d found to his chief. “Yeah, we’ve already checked into that. There’s nothing to it.”  

It’s not what they’ve investigated in the Epstein affair as much as what they haven’t investigated. Making it appear that a thumb is on the scale. It was Lee Harvey Oswald! Understand? Case Closed! But nothing, but nothing, is so incriminating as the behavior of the Trump administration. You’d really think as career criminals they would be better in the alibi department. Oh, they were going to release all of the Epstein files on day one. The Attorney General said she had the Epstein list on her desk. And a year later, it’s still missing! Who has fought harder to keep all the Epstein evidence from the American people?

That’s sort of troubling, don’t you think? You saw nothing, understand? Nothing! Watch the game and shut up. There’s no news. These aren’t the droids you’re looking for! It’s going to be a great game. Watch, enjoy, dream. It’s strange that it’s so cold in February, don’t you think? Those weren’t aliens! They were little green construction workers! The official autopsy says it was a case of suicide, so it was suicide. Gosh, are you dumb or something? Don’t you know what official means? So what! A criminal pathologist with over twenty years’ experience says it was murder. What does he know? It doesn’t say official on it, now does it?

You don’t see what you see and you don’t hear what you hear. “The worst job numbers since the Great Recession!” Gosh, it’s cold for February, don’t you think? Who do you think will win the big game? It’s beautiful here in North Korea this time of year. It’s always beautiful in North Korea at any time of the year. Our great leader, Kim Don Trump, would not allow it to be any other way.

I know, therefore I know, just enough to know nothing. It’s wrong to ask questions. Our leader wouldn’t like it. He might call us ugly names. Watch the game. Take your Soma and let the La-Z-Boy chair do its work. Watch the funny commercials and drink your beer. Everything is fine. If it wasn’t, they would tell you. After all, North Korea is the greatest country on Earth!

“If you don’t want a man unhappy politically, don’t give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it be all those than that people worry over it. Peace, Montag. Give the people contests they win by remembering the words to more popular songs or the names of state capitals or how much corn Iowa grew last year. Cram them full of noncombustible data, chock them so damned full of ‘facts’ they feel stuffed, but absolutely ‘brilliant’ with information. Then they’ll feel they’re thinking, they’ll get a sense of motion without moving. And they’ll be happy, because facts of that sort don’t change.” ― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451         

“Just as the constant increase of entropy is the basic law of the universe, so it is the basic law of life to be ever more highly structured and to struggle against entropy.” ― Václav Havel