This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Nothing says big trouble like a secretary of doofus announcing we’re meeting our military objectives on day 14, when there wasn’t supposed to be a day 14. There was an advertising pitchman back in the 90s named Joe Isuzu. His whole shtick was lying straight to your face. Always while smiling and exuding confidence, while obviously lying. Bourbon Pete Hegseth looked and talked a lot like Joe Isuzu.

Each day Pete comes out of his hole to see his shadow, and each day it gets a little harder to get back in. Bravado up! Facts down. “We’ve struck 6,000 targets!” Yes, but what does that mean? Does that mean that they’ve surrendered yet? Or does it mean we’ve hit 6,000 targets? Peterless Pete only wants to talk about the sunny side of the street. The Strait of Hormuz is closed. And the Navy says it will be the end of the month before they can begin escorting ships through the Strait. (Hint! The Navy wants no part of it.)

Planning? No one planned on Iran closing the Strait? Time is of the essence, and two weeks is the best they can do? That speaks volumes; they didn’t plan on it. Now, they’re sending for the small boats and dreading every minute of it. It’s a mission to a bad time. Trying to control or patrol a foreign waterway from 6,000 miles away sounds sort of dangerous.

All that it takes is one tanker struck or one mine in the water and the traffic stops. Now that has occurred, and the baby has stopped breathing. The ball is in Trump’s court. Yield or field? What’s next, super warrior man? What new plan do you have up your sleeve? “This is going to be the most intense day of air strikes yet!” That’s what you said yesterday. No specifics on numbers and severity of American casualties. It’s almost like they are ashamed of them. This operation was supposed to be clean and surgical like Venezuela. We weren’t expecting casualties.

Who thought all this bullshit up? And so convinced the staff that this would be easy. This is like a Pentagon’s wet dream where they convinced themselves that it would be easy. “We need only kick in the door and the whole rotten structure will collapse.” Peckerless Pete has made assumptions about assumptions and has been poorly advised. Pete judges victory by the number of bombs dropped. Iran judges victory by the number of days they can hold out. Everyday is a victory for Iran, and each day’s victory increases as the pressure builds.

Scuttlebutt says Orange Grampa is ready to quit but Iran, Israel, and the Pentagon won’t let him. Iran won’t let him quit. They’ve got him right where they want him. The pressure grows by the hour and from all quarters. Trump faces down a big-boy problem. The Pentagon can’t yield because it would be the largest military defeat since Vietnam. The US Navy would lose all credibility in the region. What good are all of your big ships?

On day 14 of this war, be advised that Iran is currently winning the war. An ill-conceived project of the poorly educated. The self-educated and mis-educated learning only what they wanted to learn rather than life’s bitter lessons. And it’s day 14, and the administration has hit 6,000 targets and won nothing. They’ve lost two weeks off the clock and gained nothing. The Strait of Hormuz is closed, and the Navy says at least two weeks. That’s a month without oil or natural gas deliveries. And Joe Isuzu comes out and says, “We’re winning!”

No, no, you’re not. “It’s the economy, stupid!” Blowing up gas prices was damn near suicidal. Did they not foresee these things coming? The Iranians would close the Strait, and gas prices would soar. It all seems so obvious, and yet the administration seems surprised, like they didn’t expect it.

In the Pacific War, FDR demanded unconditional surrender. But in the end the US waffled and allowed Japan to keep its emperor. You can take out a country’s air force and navy, but they won’t let you take over their God. Unconditional surrender is going to bite them in the ass. The Iranians will never surrender their religion to Donald Trump.

Mr. Trump, Percolated Pete, and Dan “Candy” Cain have built themselves one hell of a mousetrap. They can’t move forward and they can’t go back. Just keep doing what we are doing. Bomb it again! Make the rubble bounce! Watch the phone for me, in case they call trying to surrender. Either Donald Trump stands down and is humiliated on the world stage or they must take it to the next level. But they can’t do that. They can’t patrol the Strait of Hormuz, and they can’t add troops. And every hour the pressure grows as the world economy trembles.

Let it reach thirty or sixty days. Dark job numbers for the American economy BEFORE this nonsense. So a bad situation is about to get worse. Didn’t somebody think this might happen? It’s like the administration is thunderstruck by the recent developments. They have nothing to say, and they don’t answer questions if they don’t like you.  The eviscerated Washington press corps are merely actors pretending to be reporters. “The Picayune Journal and Seed catalog wants to know. What kind of bombs are you dropping today?”

No one is asking the million-dollar question. “How do we get out of here?” How do we put Humpty Dumpty back on his wall? He’s had a great fall, you know. He’s falling still. While claiming victory, he falls. How far down is he willing to take this thing? Since they show no signs of planning things, maybe they could let us in on the plan? World War 3 or a Great Depression?

It’s been forecasted and predicted for years. That sooner or later Donald Trump would fuck up. A man with a lifetime lineage of failure and fiasco behind him. What hasn’t been said or needs to be added? Sooner or later Donald would turn all the knobs and push the buttons until he broke something. Now, he has. Donald Trump went broke operating a casino. It was really only a matter of time before he broke the whole world.

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”
― William Shakespeare,