This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

The King brags, “We’ve had some real good discussions with Iranian officials.” Markets respond, sphincters relax. Oil prices fall as futures rise over 1,000 points. Mr. Trump was asked who he spoke with in the Iranian regime, but that’s secret! “A guy, a top guy!” The Iranians who claim to be in charge answer they aren’t talking to the Americans and have sought no truce or parlay. Gosh, I feel really dumb in asking this. Could Donald Trump be lying to us again?

Representatives from Gulf states insist they’re trying to stop the war from spreading. No public negotiations, but Mr. Trump knows a guy. Trump brags of assassinating the top three levels of the Iranian government. But we’re expected to believe that Mr. No Name is in authority and speaks for the government. How do we know it isn’t a disk jockey from Radio Tehran (Now with more music!) pulling their leg? “Yeah, yeah, that’s right! We want to surrender!” Muffled laughter, “We will meet you at the Waffle House by the airport at midnight.”

It’s entirely possible (if not likely) that the Trump regime has the best of intentions. And is being played for suckers. They do so want a deal. And this guy on the other end of the phone is offering just what they need. “Send me ten million in Bitcoin for earnest money.” That’s the problem with assassinating all the top leadership. No one knows who is in charge. At least the Americans don’t know who is in charge in Iran. But the people who claim to be in charge in Iran say it’s not their man talking to us. Somebody is lying!

The Trump regime has every reason to lie. The markets are melting down, and some good news will help some, even if it’s not true. The President is talking to “some guy” and it’s going to be fine. There is a 50/50 chance there is no “some guy.” He’s an entirely made-up fiction of Mr. Trump. “Is it going to be all right?” It’s going to be all right! Oh, boy! A miracle! We’re saved! Mr. Trump says it’s going to be all right! He’s been speaking with “some guy!”

And Wall Street bought it. Hook, line, and sinker. What choice did they have? Put yourself in their position. At least theoretically, it might be some good news. Except that Mr. Trump has every reason to lie about it. He needs the market slide and oil price increases to stop. They both strengthen Iran’s position and weaken ours. Iran has no reason to seek a ceasefire; time is on their side. It’s a brave Iranian government official who is anxious to bargain with the United States. What with our track record.

Stocks rise as oil falls, all on the words of one of history’s greatest liars. I wouldn’t believe Mr. Trump if he told me the house was on fire and I smelled smoke. But it was such a hopeful statement, even if it was probably just another lie. Mr. Trump’s noble lie, maybe he might have headed off a market crash. But what about next time? Well, next time he can make up another happy-time friend.

The desperation of Wall Street investors is a palpable cold sweat surrounded by the hard facts, choosing instead to believe in fantasy. The fantasy is easy; reality is hard. “Mr. Trump’s talking to “some guy” it’ll be over any day now! Already in Asia, they are preparing for fuel shortages. Even if Trump and “some guy” hammer out an agreement today. The cost of the war will define the year 2026.

Mr. Trump wants this war to be over. This wasn’t the war he bargained for. They told him it would be over in four days. He has every reason to be angry. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. He’s been robbed and lied to. Mr. Trump is in the worst political situation of his life.

Mr. Trump is officially unpopular in all fifty states, Canada, and Greenland. Even in blood-red Alabama, among the great crayon swallowers and paste eaters, Mr. Trump is losing them. Mr. Trump needs some good news, even if he has to make it up himself. Imagine yourself in a situation where your only hope is to believe a liar.

The Wall Street traders, like water buffalo, simply follow the herd. It’s good news! It’s real good news. Mr. Trump is making a deal with “some guy.” Everything is going to be all right! It’s good news everyone! “Some guy” is ready to surrender. Just like illegal orders, you have to follow them. Wall Street traders can’t argue with good news, even if it’s probably false. The second you fail to follow an illegal order, you put yourself at odds against them all. You will be announcing to them, “I’m not corrupt! And you are!” It’s easier to believe the lie.

There will need to be some tangible progress immediately, otherwise “some guy” will disintegrate into the mist he was created from. Maybe they’ll find another “some guy.” And he can announce some more good news. It’s notable Mr. Trump has dismissed his “A” team of Pete Hegseth and Dan Cain. Mr. Trump speaks for himself now, and he’s talking to some guy! Everything is going to be all right.

Any day now Der Fuhrer will release his wonder weapons and the tide will be reversed! Believe in the dystopia! Would they ever lie to you? Would they ever make up a fake source of good news? Creating a complete media fiction. This guy, (some guy) is somehow affiliated with the Iranian government. Is in a position of power to negotiate and speak for the millions of people of Iran, but he doesn’t want to give his name because they might kill him. [face plant]

Welcome to dreamland. Unnamed sources say our victory was total! The bomb pattern was perfect! Good guys 100, and bad guy’s nothing! Look here’s a collection of bomb strike videos. See? We’re winning! Yes, I have it on good authority from a highly-placed administration source who would rather not be named that our victory was total.

Believe the fantasy or live outside the fantasy.

“The Savage nodded, frowning. “You got rid of them. Yes, that’s just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it. Whether ’tis better in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows or outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them…But you don’t do either. Neither suffer nor oppose. You just abolish the slings and arrows. It’s too easy.”

…”What you need,” the Savage went on, “is something with tears for a change. Nothing costs enough here.”  ― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World