The Baby Box

Falling through the universe at the speed of life
Dirty Socialist Conspiracy

By David Glenn Cox

Let’s take a trip in the way back machine to Neolithic times. Those were much simpler times back then. Hunting and gathering and keeping the cave looking nice. Government was much simpler too. The biggest and the strongest the quickest and the bravest were in charge. They dealt with all emergencies. They took care of interlopers or mountain lions trying to enter the cave. They handled the negotiations with other tribes and their grunt was law. We’ll call him Og for original gangster. Og was the leader of the tribe and he swung a mean club. If the women didn’t gather enough food Og told them about it. If the men failed to find food in their hunt Og told them not to let it happen again.

If someone was sick Og made sure someone looked after them. If they died, Og led the burial services. Og was what we would call today a Socialist. If you tried to bribe Og with an animal skin for more than your fair share of the meat Og would probably bust, you upside your head with his club. To favor you he must cheat the others and though Og had very limited educational opportunities he understood the differences between right and wrong. He was the leader, he was the government and his job was to look out for the welfare of the people.

In Roman times anyone angling for leadership had to have military service under their belt. How many tribes have you sacked? How much booty and how many slaves have you brought to the empire? No military service…no big job! Upon assuming the throne, Caesar was expected to make a donative of money to the soldiers. He also gave money to the poor. Caesar was a middle of the road politician because not supporting the military was the fast track to obscurity. If you didn’t, someone else would and there goes your cushy regime. In the immortal words of Frankenstein’s monster, “Fire Bad!” If the enough of the poor were not fed, they could riot and cause fires that would undo twenty years of construction in Rome. It was far cheaper to feed the poor than to temp them into violence. Caesar was brutal, ring leaders would be hung by their thumbs and gutted like a fish but that didn’t put the fires out.

Caesar had a tough job ruling over most of Europe and parts of Africa, but Caesar like Og’s job was to look out for the welfare of the people.

In the Merry Adventures of Robin Hood, good King John had gone off to rescue Christendom from the Muslim horde. He was the King, and everyone was doing it, it was like a fad diet. He left his brother Richard in charge and Richard was a jerk and so we get Robin Hood and so on and so forth. John thought he was doing the right thing. He was the king and the king was expected to lead the army no matter what. It went all the way back to Og. When the tribe is in danger the King must lead the way. Through clever PR and a media campaign Kings began to advocate that God made them King and to go against the wishes of the King was to go against God.

The barons had a different idea and invited King John to a little meeting they were having. At the point of a sword they had John sign the Magna Carta. Which said, (excuse my poor translation of the old English.) “We acknowledge that you are the King and we will serve you. But if you think we’re going to put up with your bull shit, we will kill the living shit out of you!” It set a legal precedent, a kind of a corollary to Og’s law. “If you’re fucking up, we reserve the right to dismember you.”

The job was to take care of the people and not to go off galivanting leaving your idiot brother in charge. But through the century’s government became compartmentalized. Some were military and others were finance and others were clergy. Lost in the bureaucratic shuffle was the welfare of the people. It was in France that the poor and destitute got a real big laugh out of Marie Antionette’s remark, “let them eat cake.” They all had a good laugh and answered, “You ever heard of Og’s Law?”

From there we evolved factions, Revolutionaries and counter revolutionaries. Leftists, rightists, liberals and conservatives all with golden ideas which very seldom come to fruition. What made the American Revolution unique was when the war was over the shooting stopped! Generally, that’s when it becomes most heated. But the founding Fathers had an astounding gift for compromise. All Men Are Created Equal! Except for black people, women, Native Americans and whites who didn’t own any land. We celebrate the first Thanksgiving of the Native Americans sharing their food with the starving Pilgrims.

The Pilgrims answered, Here Indian have some blankets covered in smallpox.

“Is smallpox a design like a herring bone pattern or paisley?”

“Yeah, something like that. Take them home show the wife.”

Our politics are brutal (duh!) We committed genocide against native Americans and African Americans. We murdered labor leaders and murdered anyone who advocated for the very rights found in our Declaration of Independence. They are denounced as Liberals, Socialists and Communists. Troublemakers out to bind you into slavery. Executions in Central Park! Gulags and work camps. Numbers tattooed on your forehead and your children indoctrinated into godless heresy!

I’ll give you an example of this Satan inspired madness. In Finland, every expectant mother receives a baby box. I could tell you the Finnish name, but my Finnish is worse than my old English. Your income doesn’t matter, from the richest to the poorest they all receive the same collectivist Socialist baby box. Inside are baby clothes, baby food, diapers, a foam rubber mattress and a blanket. It is their way of saying every baby born in this country deserves food and warm clothes, a soft bed and a warm blanket. Every baby born in this country is treated equally regardless of income or social status. They take care of their people and Og would be proud.

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