Welcome to Cheetonomics

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

In 1933, Adolph Hitler is alleged to have said, “In twelve years you won’t recognize Berlin. “So, when George of the Bungle says, “You wait, we’re going to have a stock market like you’ve never seen before.” I start thinking of can goods and remote locations. The orange one has done little or nothing to alleviate the crises and yet the little amount he has given has been negative. Rather than placing a stupid Trump quote here, let’s play…write your own stupid quote! Honestly, do you think given time and applying effort you could match the stupidity of the orange one’s quotes off the cuff?

It reminds me of H.G. Well’s War of the Worlds, the orange Martian unfazed by Mueller rays, impervious to impeachment artillery is brought down by a virus. His machines grinding to a halt and his agenda dripping from the floorboards to the hatches of the ruined machines. At the critical moment of history let us remember, Donald Trump tried to warn us about coronavirus. That’s the message from the daily, “I’m Donald Trump and I’m in charge here press conference!” Thank you, Mr. President, we’re all so grateful for all that you do. Yes. He’s trying to turn the narrative, he warned us, but the Center for Disease Control and the World Health Organization just wouldn’t listen!

How would you describe such behavior in medical terms? Sick puppy or malevolent monster? Trying to tell the whole world you got this when the balls already gone between your legs. It’s a Democratic hoax!  The Cheeto being the Cheeto does what he does best, he points fingers and blames others. But now with his sycophant committee of the damned led by Mike Pence he can play bipartisan while deferring tough questions to those with book learnin.

Monday the traffic was half of my regular commute. Tuesday, I woke up with one side of my head congested. My stomach felt sour and I didn’t feel just right. It was that feeling that I was coming down with something. I let my work know I wouldn’t be in; under normal conditions I would have gone in and not give it a second thought. It was a strange feeling, “Boss, I’m gonna do you a favor and not come in today! You can thank me later.” By ten thirty a depression set in, two weeks in the house all alone and sick. Two weeks sick with ransacked drug and grocery stores. By mid-day I was developing a scratchy throat and felt the sword of Damocles overhead.

Already buried in medical debt the thought of going to be tested scared me. I know what they’ve said about free testing but that’s just Cheeto talk. You’re test came back negative, that will be twelve hundred dollars. Or you have Budweiser virus cheap and domestic. I had all the symptoms but did not have a fever, I felt feverous but cool. Twelve hours later and still no fever and my sore throat is gone! I’m the luckiest boy in the whole wide world, I have a cold. A plain old ordinary cold and I’m so happy. It drives home the nature of this pandemic. If you get it, you got it. Like a sentence from a judge, your life is immediately disordered and completely out of your control.

You can’t go to work, you’re a danger to your family and it’s too late in the season to put you out on the ice. I feel fortunate but vulnerable, what about next time? The numbers of the infected soar, but only on TV. This illness is personal and quiet. I don’t know of anyone with the virus, but it could be right next door. Wall Street has got the virus phony valuations tacked on phony valuations with a gas war tearing out the bottom of the bucket.

You what I would do if I were President or if any sane individual were President? I would call Riyadh and tell them to knock it off pronto! Destroying world financial markets is every bit as calamitous as bombing battleships in Pearl Harbor. Sentencing the west and the world to yet another Great Depression. And we wonder how the leader of Saudi Arabia can sleep at night after hacking up a reporter. He’s taking the bone saw to our economy and the Trumpanzee says, “Look what I did! Look what I did! I shut the border nobody ever closed the border before, what a good boy am I!”

Now they’re talking free money checks to keep the world afloat. Like a nationwide Oprah audience, you get a check! And you get a check! And you get a check. You’ll find no criticism in me. They have to do this, and I hope it works. They’ve cut interest rates to zero meaning the banks are done. They’ve opened free credit windows to keep the banks going. And Steve Mnuchin says no matter what, we’re not going to let the market and banks close. What! You’re not going to allow what? If that was supposed to instill confidence it missed the mark.

Scary times for a scared people unsure about tomorrow and unsure about the economy. Unsure about their health and the health of their families. This free money check deal better work because this is the last bullet in the gun. It better be quick and it better be generous, now is not the time to count nickels. If it works, the world has a cold and if it doesn’t work, welcome to Cheetonomics. Round and round and round she goes where she stops nobody knows. It sure would help if we had a leader instead of an Orange ape child who can’t stop lying and taking credit for what he didn’t do.

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