Orange America Network

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

As Ricky Ricardo famously said, “Lucy, you got some splainin to do.” Four percent of the world’s population thirty percent of the world’s Covid 19 cases and one-third of all deaths worldwide. Now if this were sub-Saharan Africa and the hospital was built with mud bricks you might say that this is sad but acceptable. Those poor people who don’t have access to advanced technology, only we’re talking about the most advanced and expensive health care system in the world. A system that says, “we’ll heal you but then we’ll ruin you and destroy your life.”

Case in point, those who fear financial destruction wait until there are no other alternatives leading to higher body counts. Time is the greatest treatment it’s the reason we hire paramedics. This system says…wait, maybe you’ll get better on your own. The health system has one hand tied behind it’s back.  A German says, “I’m feeling poorly, I’ll go down to the clinic and get checked out.” The American says, “I’m feeling poorly, I’ll take some Nyquil and get into bed.” Paying on average twelve thousand dollars a year for healthcare that is too expensive to use. You are buying a Ferrari and being told to walk!

But does Trumpy have a plan? Are the Three Stooges smart? No and he’s not concerned by hospitals and death he thinks he’s found the answer. He get’s his feelings hurt and cries himself to sleep at night over the absolutely true comments he’s made. When called on the carpet he does his best Eric Cartman, “Screw you guys, I’m going home.” No more Covid 19 task force, you mention injecting bleach one time and they never let you forget it even days later.

I’m ready for my close up now Mister Deville. Donald Trump the reality star is actually Donald Trump. One and the same part and parcel. He sees a crisis through the media’s perception of his performance. So, whether one die or a million die all that matters is the two shot. All that matters is how he’s presented. Hollywood edited out all his blunders for him and so he gets angry when Washington won’t. He’s a star and stars are supposed to get whatever they want.

He gets upset when Faux News doesn’t stroke him just the way he likes. But this is as fine a group of untalented sycophants as ever assembled. It’s taken years to become this bad. Faux News doesn’t just wash off your career path is marked up or out. Ex-Faux anchors have a checkered record in future employment; it’s like a tattoo you’re stuck with it. Now, his majesty the star thinks Faux News owes him. “I made them, and I can break them in this town!” So, here is his plan. To buy the One America Network and rename it the Orange America Network.  Trumpy TV now in “Ape Vision!” Coming up next, “Presidential thoughts from the tire swing followed by How I eat my lunch.

As we all know the orange one isn’t much on planning. You write the check and the hooker goes away. You fire the director and all the writers and start a new season. You don’t know Michael Cohen. Like a game of pool playing they angles depending on how the balls line up. So, they were arguing over how much they were willing to pay for the network. Let’s see, an office and a desk and a chair. A website and a few cameras will $200 million be enough?

Are you crazy? We want $450 million. Look at that desk! That is a fucking nice desk! Orange America Network would be available in thirty-six million homes compared with Faux at ninety million. On any given night Faux has three million viewers. Orange American Network? You do the math, somewhere between the old tractor show and an infomercial about a mattress.

OAN has no one on staff you could call a celebrity but Trumpy plans to rectify that by hiring one of the biggest stars he knows. The plan has faced some setbacks starting with being spearheaded by Don Jr. Questions about whose money is being used, is this Trumpy money or another chance to hoodwink investors?  The short-sighted estimation that anything you want you can be purchased that expertise is a commodity. In 1962 the New York Mets fielded twenty-five professional baseball players with a famous manger and set the major-league record for losing baseball games.

The Faux News of today is a far cry from the Faux News of twenty-years ago. It takes time to build a proper propaganda organization and the question remains, can you split the market for walkin bathtub shoppers and remain prosperous? How much room is there for another right-wing network? Like the 1962 Mets there’s not enough talent out there. Who will Orange America Network put up against Sean Hannity and Judge Jeanie? “It’s the Don and Eric Show! One hour with America’s favorite brothers.”

If Trumpy buys OAN and creates Orange America Network, he will be dead from old age before it reaches any level of competence. Under his leadership we will all be dead from old age before it reaches any level of competence but the visual is too ugly to ignore.  Media access by purchase, Big Brother on the installment plan. Two minutes of hate! Brought to you by Johnson and Johnson, a family company.

Trump’s position comes from his privilege, not his smarts. I don’t fear a dullard with a cable channel I fear a sharpie with a cable channel. A supercharged Faux News selling propaganda with titillation. “Coming up next! You call that clean? The best way to fieldstrip your weapon! Followed by The Sex Crimes Hour. This is what the founding fathers were afraid would happen to us that we would turn into ignorant mobs screaming at one and other. But I can’t wait for Trumpy TV it will be the funniest thing on the air since Dragnet. News Flash! Trump declares girl scouts’ enemies of the people after receiving a vicious letter saying he was fat.

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