Don’t Be Hillary Clinton

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I heard it again the other day, “How Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton.” One of those lies they repeat until it is accepted as the truth. Three and a half years in and what do we know about Donald Trump? Chaos is the watchword bumbling stumbling blurring obscuring dividing inciting selling shit on a silver shingle. This wasn’t so much a campaign as a clown college term paper.

I was living outside of Cleveland during the 2016 Republican Convention. Merchants and restaurateurs complained business was way off. The Republicans weren’t in a mood to party they were in the mood to shoot themselves. The establishment Republicans had been usurped by Donald Trump’s Ding Dong school and the monkeys now officially ran the zoo. Baseball manager Davey Johnson used to say, “everybody wins sixty and loses sixty, it’s what you do with the other forty that count. Put an (R) behind your name on a ballot and you’ll get at least thirty percent of the vote guaranteed.

Richard Nixon called them the “Silent Majority,” I call them the silent morbidity. They aren’t low information voters as much as low interest voters. They aren’t stupid they just don’t care it’s a horseshoe tournament in Lost Fart, Oklahoma to them. It’s the apathy wing of the Republican Party Well, my daddy always voted Republican. Father said he’d cut my allowance if I didn’t vote Republican. Now stir in a little preconceived bigotry add some extra xenophobia. Now set the stove to Faux News and let simmer.

They come to a battle of wits unarmed unable to explain or comprehend the principles of political philosophy. Everyone is either a cowboy or an Indian Republican or Communist. Everyone is a Communist in this forty-page full color comic book spectacular and only a few brave Republicans stand in the way of a complete Communist takeover! Even God is a Republican, every time you vote for a Democrat Jesus kills a puppy. And they vote en mass, everyone thinks it’s the other guy that is propagandized but it’s no different on the left. You win sixty and you lose sixty. Joe Biden’s huge win in South Carolina set him on the path to the nomination. But when was the last time a Democrat carried South Carolina in a general election? What does it matter how well Biden polls in states we can’t win? Electoral College hello, McFly!

But Donald Trump never defeated Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton defeated Hillary Clinton. In politics there is entitlement. You support me this time, and I’ll help you next time and it was Hillary’s turn. After a generation of smears and attacks Hillary came off looking like Ernst Blofeld from a James Bond movie. Picking a candidate that divides the party…brilliant! Understandably women were anxious for a Madam President but if her only qualifications for office were dividing the party and her method of urination what’s to be gained? Aww, America wasn’t ready for a female President. No, it wasn’t ready for Hillary Clinton as President. Richard Nixon was removed from office not for his crimes but because he was Richard Nixon. Some people are unlikeable no matter what Will Rogers said.

Bernie Sanders ran on a fifteen-dollar minimum wage. Boom! What’s Bernie Sander’s platform? Applies to everyone across the voter spectrum. Hillary was for and eleven fifty minimum wage. Way to go, way to look like a cheapskate. Show those young undecided American mainstream voters that you don’t give shit about them. Instead, she ran on wage inequality which a noble cause but a hot button issue to a fraction of the electorate. And if elected I promise to remove all unfair taxes on the hardwood flooring industry! A little on the dry side for the silent morbidity voter. Not at all like that nice Mr. Obama who smiled so nice and spoke so well. The rule is set in stone they have to like you before they will vote for you.

I’ve told this before, but it’s so…Hillary. Just outside of Warren, Ohio is the last operating steel mill in an area that once had many steel mills. It’s a town of empty store fronts and collapsing homes. The campaign rented that steel mill for a campaign event. The public wasn’t invited, and steel mill workers had to register to attend twenty-four hours beforehand none did. The busses rolled in and they pulled the plastic off of a Swanson’s TV dinner campaign event. And we’re going to fight for wage equality! And the crowd goes wild. Shiny new hard hats see I am just like you watch me make some steel! About as interesting as listening to Noam Chomsky while on acid.

But to the silently morbid Trump looked like an iconoclast even though they don’t know what an iconoclast actually does. He yells and boasts in a circus atmosphere! Hold my Mountain Dew I gotta get another corndog. The circus is in town, and it beats watching TV. It’s like NASCAR with shade pro-wrestling without a ring and it’s free! He’s gonna show those limousine liberals and west coast intellectuals a thing or two. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

We are in uncharted waters and Donald Trump is now the known instead of the unknown. Decent people in the formally Republican Party are repulsed by his behavior. The secret to victory is obvious…don’t be Hillary Clinton. Hi, I’m glad you got a chance to see me! And I’m gonna fight for you because you are the most important person in the world to me. Dry your eyes I’m gonna get you that eleven fifty and hour.

Just this once…tell the fucking truth.

” This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself–nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days. – Franklin Delano Roosevelt

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