By David Glenn Cox
Dateline Washington: President Trump today threatened legal action against his former National Security Advisor John Bolton. Paging Michael Cohen, paging Michael Cohen! It is so hard to get good help around the White House these days with everyone in prison. Bolton alleges the orange one is involved in criminal activity. It’s so cute, Trumpy running around trying to prevent its publication like a second grader hiding his report card so momma won’t find out her baby is an idiot.
Remember the anonymous Op-ed? My late wife and I spent hours on that game, it was like Clue. Who in the Administration would have the balls? Who in the Administration had a conscience and finally who could write in complete sentences? We have never found the author for that piece of literature and who at this point really needs another four-hundred-page doorstop explaining Trump is a crook. For the Cheeto it is purely perfunctory. If the squirrel runs, the dog must chase it. If the White House hasn’t been able to stop the other hundred or so do tell memoirs, what makes them think they can stop this one?
Like the old man yelling at school children. “Hey you kids! Stay off my lawn! Or I’ll have you arrested for breach of promise. We had an employment contract! You’ll never work in this town again!” Bolton with a seven-figure advance in his pocket blows back a raspberry.
This is a story without a good guy only bad guys. Bolton is writing the equivalent to O.J. Simpson’s ”If I did it.” You won’t believe some of the crimes he committed while I just sat there in my chair nodding my head and saying, “Okay.” Bolton’s reputation is one of total corruptibility. During his Fox News career, he liked to be called Mr. Ambassador because he was our Ambassador to the United Nations for about twenty minutes during Bush II. Named during a recess appointment because Senate Confirmation was but a faraway dream. Yes, our little boy is all grown up now. He is standing on his own two feet and ratting out his boss.
Mr. Bolton maintains House Democrats committed Impeachment misconduct by focusing only on Trump’s Ukraine dalliances while ignoring his other criminal ventures. Honestly? I can see it now… “Mister Speaker, I rise today to read impeachment charge number three hundred and twenty-seven against President Trump and his Administration into the Congressional record.”
Why is the Cheeto worried? It’s not like any of his followers actually read books, especially books that don’t say nice things about him. Let’s get real here, if you don’t have an accurate picture of Donald Trump by now, you’re dim. The wives, the bankruptcies, and the slime. Good Fellas without any personality. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and we are all trapped watching the movie. And now Bolton writes the coffee table companion book. “What I Stole on My Summer Vacation.” But as a Conservative Mr. Bolton is a patriot and refused to testify to the alleged wrong doings at the impeachment hearings.
Not until my publisher says it is okay and besides this will make a great chapter. “Why I Fucked Up the Impeachment.” Bolton plays both sides of the line, the traitor turned patriot and the patriot turned traitor. Throughout Bolton’s career he’s been seen as the extremist bomb thrower but during his Cheeto run appeared bland and washed out. The Broadway star appearing with Ringling Brothers circus not even allowed to start a single war. Now disgusted and disenchanted with the regime he must tell America the truth…that’ll be $29.95.
Besides, we are so close to the end now don’t you want to see the grand finale without the spoilers?
The Cheeto issued an executive order yesterday outlawing police choke holds unless the policeman feels threatened. That decree will change the world…not. It is a shallow wooden sham from a racist President who thinks at this point anything he says will be believed. The President of law and order wants us to believe he cares about choke holds besides police wouldn’t murder anyone they didn’t feel threatened by. Next, he will be telling us about all of his black friends.
Bolton’s bomb has so many possible titles, “I Warned You Not to Hire Me!” or “You Knew it Would End Like This.” What a shock…the President is a crook! What a surprise the President doesn’t have both feet in the stirrups. What a revelation, the President is a moron. The only positive thing Bolton can say is, “I’m out.”
Bolton lets us peer through the keyhole at a lifelong career criminal that he Bolton gladly served in the White House. He is our redeemer, our champion and an accomplice. Only in America could a criminal write a book about another criminal and get an advance. The Butch Cassidy Chronicles as written by the Sundance Kid.
But in another way, it is very insightful. The stage lights are lit but the scenery back drop has fallen leaving only the exposed brick. The Trump Administration is collapsing in on itself and taking the Republican Party with it. A dwarf star about to wink out. All the efforts and all the propaganda wasted. Tax cuts for the rich help everybody. Too much regulation hurts industry when they can’t dump toxic chemicals in the river. Good news everybody the pandemic is over, back to work!
Bolton is no hero and his book proves the old maxim about honor among thieves. Mama used to say, “Lay down with dogs and rise with fleas.” The orange Trumpy, Bolton’s white radiator mustache and the piss yellow cowardice of the Trump Administration. In this case, you can tell a book by its cover.