By David Glenn Cox
Well, Grandpa Donny had a bad day. You do realize that if Grandpa Donny wasn’t already in a building with security and a tall fence around it. We would need to place him in a building with security and a tall fence around it. In response to the Supreme Court ruling in favor of DACA recipients the President answers, “Waaaa! Nobody likes me! They are all picking on me! Don’t they know when I appoint someone to the Supreme Court; they have to vote the way I want!” Binky, his orange plush bear caught the worst of it ending up on the floor after hitting the wall and slamming his Ritche Rich doll on the desk.
In Main Street America he would be just one more geriatric chasing the meter reader down the street in his blue bathrobe and boxer shorts yelling, “Traitor!” Will the White House physician please report to the Oval Office stat! And bring the needle somebody needs a bump. “It’s not fair! All I wanted to do was throw Mexican kids out of the country. I bet they would let Obama fire Gays or throw Mexican kids out of the country! Yeah, him and the rest of the cool kids.”
Subtlety is not Grandpa Donny’s long suite. Right off, I’m not sure what is his long suite besides lying and paranoia. But as the medication begins to take hold, they can get out the decoder ring and explain the secret message Chief Justice John Roberts was trying to send him. Like the Muslim Ban before the Cheeto doesn’t get it. You can’t just grab a sheet of White House stationary and write “Throw Muslims Out! Signed Grandpa Donny.”
“But I wanted to throw the Mexican kids out and they said I can’t!” Give him ten more cc’s. What Mr. Robert’s said was clear. There is a road map to cruelty, but you must first pretend to care. You can’t just throw them out you have to first write action plans and contingency papers. Write a paper about the ramifications of throwing people out with no knowledge of any other culture. Explain how you feel really bad about that and how you hate doing it but that the voters demand it. Then you formulate a mitigation plan that because you feel so bad about destroying the lives of innocent victims. You are offering them a free Greyhound bus ticket and a stick of gum. Then, easy peasey throw them out.
“I don’t have time. I’m holding my rally in Tulsa tomorrow, wanna come?”
Thank you, no.
“Free Big Macs and women without teeth! They love me in Tulsa. There were a million, no, a billion requests for tickets. Are you sure? Kelly Ann is gonna do her lizard dance. Oh, I get it, maybe you’ve got something better to do over at John Robert’s house. I’ll bet he’s having another pool party, and I’m not invited because of the orange ring I left on his pool tiles. You know what? I’ll just appoint a new Supreme Court! I’ve got my list right here!
Here is a good man! His name is Heywood Yablowme. Hmmm, sounds foreign. Get him on the phone and ask if appointed would he always vote for my side. It wasn’t just me you know; this was a shotgun blast in the face of all conservatives. You were appointed to be a rubber stamp so start bouncing.”
It’s hard to imagine a paranoid mutant ten-year-old boy with socialization issues as President of the United States. Clueless as to what the adults are talking about at the big table. Unable to grasp even the basics of everyday government while hiring only the best and brightest until the Rolodex is nearly empty! “No more B for Bolton. No more O for Omarosa. No more M for Mattis all disgruntled employees! They are all disgruntled and all out to get me! No more S for Sessions! Do you know what he did? I made him Attorney General, and he starts whining, “I have to follow the law and shit.” They’re all disgruntled and all out to get me! I know, I could appoint a new Supreme Court from the crowd in Tulsa. “Ticket number 001324 You’re the new Chief Justice.” You know the rules, do what Grandpa Donny says at all times.
Then there is the other conspiracy. You know which one I’m talking about. The President believes millions of Americans are wearing masks just trying to make him look bad. It’s all about him, everything in the whole damn world is all about Donald Trump and Binky and Ritchie Rich. “I bet all those people out there dying are just Democrats trying to make me look bad. You know the Chinese invented this virus just to make me look bad. It’s all a Deep State plot, Hillary and George Soros have it in for me. At that Pizza Parlor and then there’s the mice! Have you seen the mice? Nine feet tall! With big pink noses and beady red eyes! They’re out to get me too!
The staff claim that they don’t see the mice but they’re just disgruntled. George Soros has paid them all off to say they haven’t seen them. But they see them, how can you not see a nine-foot mouse with a pink nose and beady red eyes? George Soro’s had them genetically engineered in a secret Antifa laboratory in Switzerland. I tried to call in an airstrike, but the Defense Secretary just laughed and said, “Good One” and hung up. He’s disgruntled too, they’re all disgruntled and they’re all out to get me!”
Will the White House physician please report to the Oval Office stat and bring the whole bottle this time.