Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!

By David Glenn Cox

Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so, but I am brown and in a cage, while Mike Pence he takes the stage. First night anger, second night pleading, you knew they would get around to God eventually. The tip off is Mike (Little Jesus) Pence. The long-lost love child of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker, Little J plays the god game the way few can play it.  The lovable dunce whose heart is always in the right place. He only appears to be slow witted, but actually he’s just religious. The loyal family dog always sniffing after the master’s scent hoping to go to the dog park so don’t get him excited. “You want me to head the Corona Virus Task Force? Sure!”

Then Orange Julius saw the ratings Governor Cuomo was getting in New York and had to jump in. “Well, if you want to take over that will be fine. I’ll go see if the furniture has been polished.” Trumpy had assigned Little J to deliver ice to the North pole but when he discovered he could mug for the cameras and act important pushed Little J from the stage. Thoughts and prayers Mikey, thoughts, and prayers! “But’s it’s not just me, he treats everyone like that!” Yeah and if Nikki Halley had winked and undone the top button of her blouse, you’d be on an official tour of outer Mongolia right now.

The consummate marshmallow ready to bear any burden and pay any price to protect his spineless nature. He never makes a decision alone he has to ask Jesus first and then mother, so if you have a problem with outcomes take it up with the head guy Mike’s just a member of the committee.  Why spend money on programs to save lives and improve life on earth when you can just offer thoughts and prayers? Efficient and fiscally responsible! He’s filled with the love of Jesus and Jesus said suffer the little children to come unto me. And the key word being suffer as the most racist Administration in American history puts children in cages in special built camps has the nerve to mention Jesus.

Little J offered thoughts and prayers for the Americans in the sites of Hurricane Laura. They are going to need them Trumpy looted $44 billion from the FEMA budget to pay his $300 unemployment scam. You can almost hear Allan Hale Junior shouting “Gilligan!” But see, that’s the best part of the game. When your grievous incompetence leads to disaster you lower your head and say, “Oh lord in your wisdom you have taken these loved one from us. We pray they find peace in your name!” It is funny in sick twisted Trumpian psychotic neurotic delusional sort of way  that in the face of a raging hurricane threatening millions Little J would mention investing in fossil fuels claiming, “Trump brought us energy independence,” it’s like the Captain of the Titanic touting ice.

Mikey is essential, it’s the reason he still has a job. In the year of the women Little J is close enough. The most corrupt, cynical criminal regime in American history tears out the rose garden, rips up the Post Office, busts up the social contract, sends troops to intimidate, calls Nazis and Klansmen good people and abandons the American worker needs a religious charlatan to weave in a spell of legitimacy amongst the smell of the accumulating dead bodies. While Nikki would help with the woman’s vote, she couldn’t help with the all-important nutso crazy wing of the Party. The Bible thumping blue haired ladies against freedom and the well-armed low IQ Militia.

A “Rocky Horror Picture Show” where everyone plays dress up and act’s out. The Peanuts kids dancing while Rome burns singing “Time warp!” This is the part in the film where the devil as played by Vincent Price would give us all that maniacal laugh. The Twilight Zone plot twist you are Donald Trumpy’s number two forever! America’s Rudolf Hess with time to make it to the airport but instead makes a pitch for Beas bob in the name of Jesus. The most unusual semi- religious event I’ve ever witnessed. Somehow, I expected flaming cauldrons and pentagrams.

The Nazi soldiers belt buckles said, “God MIT Us” God is the first pillar of any cult worth its salt. And every cult needs a true believer an Eric von Zipper that all the other cool kids look up to down at the beach. Quiet cats, he’s going to say something. “Thought’s and…” Oh, wow daddy O that cat is too cool for school. He’s a regular Pat Boone. He’s a man of god in an Administration killing thousands. An Administration willing to throw Americans into the fire to save the economy. Robbing from the poor to save the rich but it is okay, cause Jesus approves of it.

What price to pay for the trappings of power? A single heartbeat away from winning the game. A single heartbeat away from being instantly the most popular President ever…for a minute. “They all thought I was crazy!” But the devil demands you eat shit by the carload and laugh when the President pisses on your head. “But’s it’s not just me, he treats everyone like that!”

Exactly, he treats everyone exactly the opposite of the way the Bible says, and you support him wholeheartedly. Meaning Mike Pence is either a fraud or an idiot or a hybrid of the two. Elmer Gantry climbing the ladder of success one wrong by wrong as the high priest of Buchenwald blessing the trains as they pass. Railroad safety is important you know. His heart is with god, but his allegiance is to the devil.

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