I Vote for the Meteor

By David Glenn Cox

I had read several memes about an approaching meteor due to arrive before the November election. But after investigation it became clear that they were just trying to get our hopes up. The meteor is estimated to be the size of a mini-van and is expected to miss the earth by the same distance as Trumpy’s lies to the truth. To build up a celestial rock no bigger than found at a subdivision entrance as some sort of salvation of a people adrift in 2020. And here I was thinking Covid 19 – solution – Meteor. Donald Trumpy – solution – Meteor.  

Meteor’s mean jobs! A good-sized meteor strike would keep fireman busy for years just trying to put Canada out. Rebuilding efforts, the shortage of wood and the shortage of people means jobs will be available for the survivors. The question of whether to send your kids to public or private school solved. Now you know how to vote on that upcoming bond referendum, thanks Meteor. Do I have enough money in my 401K turns out I do, thanks Meteor! I don’t want to paint too rosy a picture on it there will be difficulties. California Auto Emissions Standards would go out the windows what with the atmosphere becoming a toxic stew of noxious burning gases blotting out the sun for years. On the plus side fewer people on the freeways, the downside being there is no freeway.

Still and all keep things in proportion, I never promised a rose garden. Just because you’ve never been involved in a meteor strike before is no reason to dismiss it out of hand. Consider the possibilities, think of the world as a giant Etch a Sketch and the meteor is gonna shake it up for us and help us start over. Hey student loans, thanks meteor! India/Pakistan border dispute, thanks meteor. And yes, it would wipe out 95% of humanity and reduce us to a primal existence. But it would be the end of Donald Trumpy, gone, bye, bye. No more riots no more dribbling Trumpy speeches. No more porn model rent a wife and who cares because she doesn’t care.

Maybe you’re on the fence at this point saying, “I don’t know Dave, the end of the world sounds a little harsh.” I’ll sweeten the pot, no more Ted Cruz. That’s got to be worth losing Europe or Australia at least! Gym Jordan will be playing in hell with all his young locker room pals. Jerry Falwell Jr. preaching,“ be watchful of his coming.” All as Devin Nunez is tortured by the cows of hell. I know, I’m building this up as exceptional when it is only an average solution. Like that dream of hitting the lottery two days before the meteor strike. Just as the Ferrari’s delivered Blam!

Trump is using the White House as his personal playground. Like the Ferris wheel at Neverland Ranch take the ride kid, you might have to swallow something later. A sick twisted bizarre nightmare with flashing lights and clowns. Woodstock on the brown acid, Lee Greenwood singing “Proud to be an American” over and over forever and ever Seig Heil. Chaos, chaos, chaos uber allis. The end of the world as we know it.

A seventeen-year-old kid walks right through police lines with a military style assault weapon and the chief says, “Sometimes police get tunnel vision.” I don’t use the name Elmer Fudd lightly, but I know somebody that needs a new police chief. There is something bad wrong here. There is something frightening and disgusting here. A child inspired by the President’s rhetoric has murdered people in the street and grownups earning real grocery money living in mansions in Palm Beach advocate on his behalf. This is Nazism in its truest form it is acceptable to murder those who disagree with you politically.

Why not defend the Manson family while you were at it or the Birmingham Church bombers? A corporation listed on a US stock exchange has an employee who advocates for vigilante justice on a national broadcast yelling fire into a crowded theater night after night. It is easy enough to pin the tail on the moron, but I despair of his audience. I don’t want to be around anyone without the loosest grasp on right and wrong. We’ve gone beyond skin deep and hit bone. This is a sickness like pedophilia or necrophilia, each day going a little farther.

What sort of parent buys an assault rifle for a child who has been bullied? “Gee, son I understand you’ve had problems at school, here’s a gun.” It boggles the mind and disturbs the soul. Driving an illegally armed minor across state lines to a riot to assist police. “Have a nice time son, remember, squeeze the trigger, don’t pull.” As a general rule I’m opposed to the death penalty, but this case is the exception. He didn’t just murder people he murdered our way of life. Lincoln advised that a house divided against itself cannot stand. I hope Momma’s in the audience when they stick the needle in her little boy sending him to Valhalla. An innocent led to his doom by a career criminal.

It all makes sense now, the carpet bombing of Germany and the storming of the Normandy beaches. The foul stench of fascism as the bodies of innocents begin to hit the street. The scorekeepers and pundits yelling “serve’s you right,” but this isn’t a game to score points this is murder. To bend yourself into a pretzel justifying the murder of those you disagree with. To lose all sense of decency and semblance of a functioning society. These people are fucking, lawless Nazis and an embarrassment to this country and to humanity. If this is the way it’s going to be, I vote for the Meteor!

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