By David Glenn Cox
Welcome to Farce, we hope you’ve had a good trip man. Think of it as the anti-Woodstock with no good music, no good vibe and lots and lots of brown acid. Colorado Senator Cory Gardner’s latest campaign ad promises if elected, Cory is going to Washington to clean up the mess. For those without scorecards or playing along at home Cory Gardner is the incumbent. But lying has become a couturier profession and off the rack lies will no longer do. A Gardner ad has the candidate talking about his mother’s cancer treatment and how he will protect coverage for preexisting conditions while voting repeatedly and consistently throughout his term to repeal Obamacare.
I call foul, that’s like farting in an elevator man. It’s an election year and we all expect a few angled shots but come on man, you spend your entire term trying to take people’s health care away and then run on the platform “I’ll protect your health care!” Go ahead Charlie Brown, kick the football. It’s all gone off the rails, kick the football Charlie Brown. In a historic agreement, The United Arab Emirates and Bahrain have signed a peace agreement with Israel. Under the terms of the agreement, the two Arab countries agree not to attack Israel with either of their warplanes or their 1,500-man Army. The agreement has been hailed as the mouse that roared accords in memory of Peter Sellers. “I, Pee Wee Herman agree not to punch Mike Tyson in the nose.” In other news, in a deal brokered by Jared Kushner, Switzerland has pledged not to attack China.
“You know, In Europe they have forest cities,” Trump told a panel of climate scientists. “You look at, you look at countries, Austria, you look at so many countries, they live in the forest, they’re considered forest cities, so many of them.
“And they don’t have fires like this, and they have more explosive trees. They have trees that will catch easier. But they maintain their fire, they have an expression, they ‘thin the fuel’, the fuel is what’s on the ground, the leaves, the trees that fall, they’re dry, they’re like a matchstick.”
You can’t go wrong falling back on Americans love of geography, London to Berlin is 650 miles. Austria is roughly the size of 0.85% the United States with fewer people in the whole country than the county of Los Angeles. I’m not getting off on this stuff man. I think we have been ripped off! I think we ought to go looking for the dude, man.
The President was roundly criticized for his indoor mask less rally in Nevada has now officially blamed the Democratic Governor for the rally’s location. Apparently, they had all these great locations picked out, but the Governor forced them all into an airplane hangar at gun point and ordered them not to wear masks. “Oh, wow man, it’s like he does the same thing over and over. Nothing is ever his fault.”
I did want to mention that the last President to broker a peace deal in the Middle East wasn’t re-elected to a second term. Peace isn’t sexy to most Americans and certainly not to Trump’s base. They want cruise missiles and B-52 airstrikes it doesn’t matter who, just so they’re Brown with natural resources. But Trump can’t attack because all of his generals are all disgruntled employees. But don’t think for a minute that Trumpy would speak poorly of veterans, how could you think such a thing about such a fine man?
While it’s acknowledged, that Trumpy has spoken badly of the Press, Nancy Pelosi, Angela Merkel, Chief Justice John Roberts, John McCain, Adam Schiff, Nelson Mandela, Justin Trudeau, Barack Obama, minorities, China, the disabled, the UN, The World Health Organization, and every member of his former and current staff there is no reason to believe he would ever disparage Veterans. Just because the President is trying to defund their health care system is no reason to assume, he lacks respect for them. His plan to shutter the “Stars and Stripes” newspaper was strictly a budgetary decision, who reads the newspaper anymore?
The other day in New Jersey there was a UFO sighting. What made this sighting unique was that the craft just hung there in the air in broad daylight over a populated area. it’s Alien lights flashing on and off. It just hung there in the sky ala “Independence Day.” Either it was Alien helmsman Gilligan’s first day on the job, and he thought the cloaking device was already on when he noticed all the humans looking up at him. Or they have decided, “We don’t need to hide from you people anymore. What are you going to do, call the President?”
But we have bigger problems than extraterrestrials over Newark. Who knows, maybe the Aliens know something we don’t this is 2020. Maybe it’s like Sturgis where aliens from all over the galaxy are coming to show off their machines and their girlfriends six tits party and watch Trump destroy the Earth in a sort of intergalactic Burning Man Festival now in three dimensions with parking available in the space and time lot.
Okay, I’m getting off but I’m not having a good time. Aliens and forest fires, exploding trees and the Tyrolean Alps. Tomorrow and science never knows. Tomorrow was yesterday next week was a month ago, come on, put on some damn music! Put on some Janis or Santana! Take me to the forest cites man that’s where I want to go! Don’t tell me to shut up and eat my granola man. I’m finally getting off on this stuff and you tell me to shut up? Oh, wait. Here they are I haven’t taken them yet.