An Average Week

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Another day another meteor shower of information breaking off from the disintegrating Starship SS Donald Trump as it reenters the atmosphere glowing ass backwards. Two thousand Justice Department Employees sign a letter stating that the Attorney General Bill Barr is trying to help Trump steal the election. Melina Trump, former porn model turned porn model tells us what she really thinks about Christmas and children in cages and both opinions include the world fuck. Now, Mike Pompeo better known around town as the invisible man was rebuffed recently. You remember Mike Pompeo, don’t you? Heavyset guy with glasses, Secretary of State? Hello?

Anyway, Mike went to the Vatican to see if he could arrange a meeting with Pope Francis. Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the guard would not let Dorothy and her friends into Oz? Yeah, like that. The Holy See officially tells the number three man in the Cheeto Corporation to take a hike. But Pompeo was insistent, he had a strongly worded letter strongly condemning the Communist Chinese government for engaging in anti-Catholic activities. Despite being less than six weeks out from a Presidential election Pompeo thought it vitally important he share this document with the Holy Father immediately and bring cameras and plenty of media.

The Catholic Church like McDonalds has served billions. There ain’t much about hamburgers they don’t know already. This is a group that has matched wits with the Borgia’s and Henry the Eighth, the Knight’s Templars and Saladin, the Great. What Donald Trump thinks doesn’t keep them up nights. Seven or eight hundred years in the same location and you learn that when Jughead shows up at your door with flowers and candy and smell good on his hair thirty days before an election with something he must share with the Pope. Well, my Italian is poor, and my Latin is worse but loosely translated their message was “Do you think we’re as dumb as you look?”

Jughead got dressed up and slicked his hair down for nothing as the Papacy told him to come back after the election. Damn it! Here’s Mike on the job for three years a Secretary of State trying to reach a friendly counterpart and the deal fell through his one chance to contact a foreign government was lost. These times are hard on all of us sane or otherwise and it is genuinely difficult to communicate the President’s message to the world when people won’t stop laughing at you. “Shucks, how do you suppose they figured it out?”

Brad Parscale is back in the news. Mr. Parscale the former Trump campaign chairman demoted in July after the orange inferno gave a speech to a half empty room. Mr. Parscale was officially thrown under the bus after Faux News called him a campaign aide. His wife maintained that he was making suicidal threats and cocking loaded handguns just your average Republican Saturday. Police noticed bruises on Mrs. Parscale’s arms and forehead but more about that later. The popo got Brad on the phone and ran a game on him, what a stupid white boy. “Hi Brad, I’m with the friendly neighborhood police department, and we just want to talk to you. Come on out, we’ll have a nice conversation and get this all straightened out.”

This is the backside of White Privilege; this is White Blindness. The ingrained belief that the police are only here to help. So, Brad walks out wearing only shorts obviously unarmed and is immediately attacked by four policeman and tackled to the ground. He cries out, “I didn’t do anything! I didn’t do anything! I didn’t do anything!” Oh Brad, sometimes an education is a terrible thing. Brad was under the deluded belief that it mattered if he had done something wrong. That he could explain to the nice policeman and they would just get back in their police cruisers drive away and leave him alone.

Brad’s been under a lot of pressure, just working for Trump says enough. The demotion and allegations of missing millions and the investigation of said missing millions had set Brad on edge. Brad was the right fielder in the little league World Series who just dropped an easy flyball. His reputation as a political consultant equal to that of Charles Manson as a hostage negotiator. But all is not dark, the sun also rises.  The investigation into Brad’s sticky fingers has been closed and allegations of spousal abuse misconstrued.

It seems, it is the damnedest thing, that every time a Trump Campaign chairman gets into legal trouble, they fear they will talk with prosecutors. “No, no, Brad don’t you worry about it. We’ll find that money somewhere. It was only a few million, so no big deal. Now Brad, don’t you go off and do something rash, something we might all regret later.”

Let’s review, Barr stealing election, Pompeo told to bounce, and a campaign chairman flips out with guns in the house. The First Lady by the hour tells of her suffering at the hands of rouge Christmas ornaments. Forced to live in a mansion surrounded by servants Melina’s paranoia and her kinship with the orange Julius becomes apparent as she grabs for her Rodney Dangerfield tie saying, “I don’t get no respect!” But let’s be fair, when you once made good money waving your tits around the room decorating Christmas trees would be considered hard work.

If Republican consultants had held a meeting for one week at the Sheridan Hotel downtown and broke into committees to plan out ways for Mr. Trump to screw up a debate they couldn’t do any better than the Cheeto did off the cuff. If you had Republican Congressman on your scavenger hunt list your game was over. They’d all gone to ground, maybe it was when Trump said he might not honor the results of the elections. Or maybe it was when Trump gave a shout out to the Proud Boys and then claimed he didn’t know who the Proud Boys were.

All in all, for the Trump Administration, it was an average week.

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