Pence Bot 2016

House Fly Bot 9000 downloading information

By David Glenn Cox

The killer awoke before dawn. He took a face from the ancient gallery and he…walked on down the hall. He went for a ride at the hospital and then he…walked on down the hall. He went to the oval office and then he… walked on down the hall. Then he came to a door and behind the door was America, America oh America, I want to…love you baby, all night long!

We’ve long since travelled from farce to tragedy but without comedy we would all go mad. Senate appointee wanna be Arizona Senator, Martha McSally was dealt a near fatal blow to her campaign during her debate last night when asked to explain her support for Donald Trump. “How long have you been a Communist? When did you stop beating your wife? Why is there a dog fighting arena in your back yard?” The touch of death the red tide of politics. McSally was flabbergasted by such a partisan question and of course her answer was obvious and robotic. “Are you proud of your support for Donald Trump?”

“The most radical agenda we’ve seen!” Pure unadulterated 1950s dime store Republican Joe McCarthy playbook. The Commie’s are under your bed! She never did answer the question and her answer spoke volumes. The President’s name is now political poison. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump! Any good Aluminum siding salesman or gold swindler would know when it’s time to pack up the old sample case and take her to the barn. There is no joy in Tommy’s Holiday Camp, since they found out he cheats at Pinball.

In a stunning display of advanced technology, the Republican National Committee premiered it’s “House Fly Bot 9000” last night.  An aerial information drone designed to download three gigabytes of Republican old saws and meaningless jargon in less than two minutes. No larger than a common house fly and using Wi-Fi technology the House Fly Bot 9000 can rescue any Republican candidate from the perils of tricky questioning. Only, someone forgot to program the damned thing! Mike Pence had all the right answers for last month’s exam. Ms. Harris was asked, “Would she take a vaccine supported by Donald Trump?” Ms. Harris answered that she would trust science and not Donald Trump.

Pence pounced, jabbering incoherently about undermining the country. He was tired of people running us down and trying to hurt the country. You hippies with your Rock and Roll music and your Beatle haircuts. Antifa is planning to put a drum circle in your front lawn! And stay off my lawn! President Trump says, “Follow the science!” House Fly Bot 9000 was the high point of the evening for Mike Pence. Ms. Harris cut him up like a tomato in a Ginsu knife commercial. She was the only candidate on stage without a degree from an accredited Bible college.

Harris had an unfair advantage; Mike Pence was designed and built with old technology. The Pence Bot 2016 was almost perfect in his day. He could smile and shake hands and nod affirmatively and that was all that was required. But that technology is now out of date, he was never programmed to think. There’s campaign mode, reception mode, sad funeral mode, serious and contemplative mode and in the Auxiliary files are show tunes, Karaoke and a killer version of Purple Rain. You could upgrade the system and maybe get him to understand that after the Trump fiasco debate it would be wise not to go over your allotted time or speak over Ms. Harris. Most of all, is rule three in Debating for Dummies – Try to act sane.

With upgrades he could even be programmed to say “Excuse me” when told he’s interrupting, instead of 404: File not found.  He almost went into safe mode when asked about systemic racism and inherent bias, searching…404: File not found. Pence dared to question the record of the Attorney General of the State of California because of old programming, [Command 13] Don’t go there! With a geography chip Pence could be made to understand that all the people in Indiana don’t equal two-thirds of the population of Los Angeles County. Ms. Harris held one of the most demanding jobs in the country and all Pence could do was to go into “Yeah but,” mode. “Yeah but more Blacks went to prison.” She was in charge of the department moron, not working the door. Ask yourself how exactly as Attorney General how Ms. Harris could skew those figures one way or another?  It’s the mis-direction chip it needs upgrading it still wants to default to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Ms. Harris smiled the smile of a high school science fair contestant whose main rival’s volcano just blew up and set the ceiling tiles on fire. Is that candy in your pocket? Give it here! What have you got in that lunch sack? Give it here! And the milk money too, hand it over! There’s always that sad point in a boxing match where one boxer staggers around the ring disoriented and punch drunk, beaten and bloodied. But there is no program file for credibility or integrity, so Pence took the broadsides blankly without emotion. The operating system was never designed for that. 404: File Not Found

This was a Pence Bot 2016, model one. Designed for greetings and photo ops. Technologically years behind the times and politically ready for the scrap heap unless you happen to like show tunes or Purple Rain.

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