A Sane Man Would Jump Off a Bridge!

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

When Harry Truman used to campaign, his favorite stops were county fairs. Where he could mix with the farmers and talk shop. He’d grab a horse force open its mouth and tell the farmer how old the horse was.  Having been a farmer he knew what he was doing he was hunting in a baited field. All politicians want us to believe they are one of us. That’s what Harry was doing, and it was easier for him because he was one of us. Bush, the elder’s campaign, was stung by George’s fascination with a grocery scanner. The President on the national news, gawking intently at the little red beam saying, “Wow, people really buy groceries like this?” {X} {X} {X} FAIL!

I guess a politician really needs a crib sheet. How much is a gallon of milk? How much is a ton of steel? How’s the local sports team doing? “That Joe Namath! He’s my favorite player!” How much is gallon of gas? It really can’t be considered a gottcha question if you are a Senator from Iowa who serves on the Agriculture committee to know the current price of a bushel of soybeans. Jonnie Ernst did her best Richard Nixon, “Let me say this about that but before I do, let’s go back. Let’s go back to a time before you asked me that question. A time when I still had a political future.” With a look of shock and desperation the Senator smiled cornered and took a stab at it. “Could it be $5.50?” Survey says! {X} {X} {X} FAIL!

Thanks for playing we have some lovely parting gifts including Rice a Roni the San Francisco treat. And for your trip back home to Iowa a complete set of Samsonite luggage! The correct answer is $ 10.05 so, not even close. The Senator then tried to question the question. You know how it is, when you are wrong, and you know you are wrong, and you have screwed really bad but don’t want to look like you screwed up really bad. So, you begin to quibble about nothing and end up looking petulant as well as uninformed.

In Alabama it takes a lot to defeat a Republican. You got a Republican elected to the state Supreme Court twice only to be removed from the state Supreme Court twice. A guy with a truly creepy history with teenage girls. Stories that sound like the premise for a slasher movie that’s who the Republican Party of Alabama nominated to be their candidate for the US Senate in 2016.

Anyway, I told you that to explain this. Former Alabama Senator Jerimiah Denton was asked, “Why aren’t you home in Alabama campaigning?” Denton, who was known to be crusty anyway but apparently was having a bad day snapped off, “I got better things to do with my time than go back to Alabama and kiss babies!” This was the exact moment when he became former Senator Denton. His opponent played the clip in campaign ads relentlessly, it was the gift that keeps on giving. Dead man walking, a politician tells the home folks he’s too busy to talk to the likes of you!

Donald Trump begs America’s women to support him then tells NBC’s Savannah Guthrie she’s “so cute” for asking him questions about QAnon. Former Chief of Staff James Kelly said Trump “Was the most flawed individual he’s ever met” and “profoundly dishonest.” Nothing new, nothing which bears repeating its common knowledge. Pollster Frank Lutz said undecided voters like Trump policy but don’t like Trump. Voters like Joe Biden but are unsure of his policies. It is easier to explain your policies than to make people like you after they’ve decided that they don’t like you. Americans have seen Trump talk and talk and talk and things only appear to be getting worse.

Trumpy boasted at his rally last night that if he were to lose the election, he might leave the country. It’s funny and probably the greatest motivational tool to vote against someone since Jerry Denton said he was too busy. It’s funny ha, ha, because it’s true. Trump might have to leave the country. Retire someplace nice with golf courses, luxury amenities and no extradition treaty. Unfortunately, Russian mobsters have never heard of the term extradition. Curiously, In Russian that is the same word that means suicide. Actually, any phrase that doesn’t begin with “Here’s your money!” means the same as suicide.

An Ex-President on the lamb from the law can’t take Secret Service protection with him. Facing a lifetime of litigation Trumpy might find Club Fed to be his last redoubt safer in jail than out. We have a worldwide pandemic decimating the travel industry and a President whose primary assets are luxury hotels. He admits to four hundred million in debts, but we know Trump is a liar so it’s probably at least twice that amount. Trumpy must be crazy, a sane man would jump off a bridge!

“Clarence! Clarence! You gotta help me!” I’m sorry this party is not accepting calls at this time. Please try again later.” The angels don’t want you and the devil is afraid you’ll take over. Trump campaign aides have begun finger pointing, not enough money, not enough time and too much Trump. When your candidate is a bull in a china shop, the only thing to do is rename the Party the “Broken Dish Party.” The message is Donald Trump, the guy who broke all the dishes.  Vote for me and I’ll break more dishes!

I’ve never seen people stand in line eleven hours to vote, three weeks before an election and I’ve been here a while.  It restores your faith in American institutions that millions of Americans would say, “I will spend my entire day off voting against that orange SOB!” I will take a chair and a cooler! I’ll take a sandwich, a book and a phone charger!The numbers are staggering, early voting up 2,400% in Colorado. Nationwide, thirteen million Americans have already voted. Somebody cue up the Surfari’s, America speaks on election night and Donald Trump becomes a man without a planet.

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