Whack a Mole

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

It’s down to whack a mole now; Joe Biden has several paths to 270. Trumpy can sue in Pennsylvania while Biden takes Georgia. Or he can sue in Georgia while Biden takes Nevada and Arizona. He can sue everywhere but on what grounds? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Trumpy seems to be getting short shrift these days. Mitch McConnell basically told him to take a hike. The former Republican Governor, Scott Walker, told Trump to not even think about recounting Wisconsin.

The networks cut away from Trump mid meltdown. The sad end to a sad affair, almost a 50s noir film in black and white. A face in the crowd and wet pavement there are a million stories in the naked city. The meltdown scene (Take one.) Trumpy appears agitated but numbed i.e. stoned.  But Presidents aren’t stoned they are medicated; it’s the same dynamic as rich people are eccentric and poor people just crazy. Rich people have substance problems, while poor people are drug abusers. It’s not that I blame him I don’t. It’s been a pressure cooker for us all, and I’m only marginally involved. I haven’t been sleeping well, and I don’t think anyone else is either, so no one would blame him for taking a chemical solution.

History says Nixon got wasted in his boxer shorts and walked the halls of the White House talking to the pictures on the wall. Whiskey in one hand acute paranoia in the other. Like delusional Donny, Nixon held paranoid beliefs of cabals and plots against him, Nixon’s famous enemies list with schoolteachers from Nebraska. “Okay, Mrs. Sue Rammer from Omaha, Nebraska, you’ve done it now! You’ve made my list. I’d like to see you try and get a job at the Post Office now.” (Evil Laugh)

Nixon is our touchstone of recent Presidents of questionable mental health. Having no qualifications, myself outside of a owning a keyboard, my amateurs’ suspicion was that Nixon was bipolar. Cold, Cunning, and merciless versus introverted, nervous and stumbling. The war between and the war within the war between who I was and who I am now. (How did I get this beautiful house?) Who they think I am now. Who I’m supposed to be now. The ability to be the President without thinking about it or worrying about it.

I’m not picking on Nixon he’s become quaint, so mid-century modern. President Oliver Hardy only not as funny with Henry Kissinger as his sidekick. “Vee must bomb Vietnam into the stone age!” Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten us into! Domestically, Nixon was pro-choice, pro-environment. Tens of thousands of demonstrators surround the White House, and Nixon steals a page from Andy Griffith and goes out to speak with them while at the same moment committing war crimes in Asia. Nixon’s sharpest critic was Hunter Thompson, Nixon offers Thompson an interview and they talk football. The other President, not the homicidal killer President. “We bombed dams in North Vietnam this morning drowning thousands and it looks like USC might make the Rose Bowl!”

Nixon was bowed by the weight of the crown Trumpy is prying jewels from it with a pocketknife as we speak. He has shown no respect for Presidential decorum, “Yeah, yeah, sit down!” When compared to Donald Trump, Nixon was not even a little paranoid. Trumpy wants to be King but doesn’t want to act like the King. Through the magical power of ignoramus, no problem is insurmountable. When you don’t like what you’re hearing you don’t go to those meetings anymore. If it continues, fire someone, problem solved.

The Reality star denies reality, “What do you mean, I’m being voted off the Island?”

Something tells me the Presidential handlers were behind the scenes begging him not to do this. “This is all fake, everyone is fake. The Tiki torches came from Walmart and the plants are all plastic. They’re trying to cheat me I know, because I cheated to get here! “Good Night you stupid little people. Marsha! Marsha!” Lonesome Rhodes hoisted on his own petard. “We aren’t on an Island; this is Studio City in Los Angeles! I’m gonna take you all fuckers down with me!”

Trumpy had threatened this behavior so apparently the networks held meeting, “Okay then, it is agreed, If he starts his crybaby shit we cut him off.” Protestors chant, “Faux News Sucks!” After the network called Arizona for Biden. This is a revelation to me, if my team does not win the Super Bowl it must be the networks fault! God Damn you Maroon 5! Well, clearly my team didn’t win because the game is rotten to the core. Crooked officials, crooked owners, and players. I don’t why I didn’t speak up sooner about the travesty of it all.  I liked winning my division and loved winning the playoffs but now, now that I’ve lost the Super Bowl, I must expose this wild criminality.

I had noticed early on that CNN was very, very slow to call states for either candidate and I wondered why? They talked Florida long past relevance and North Carolina was over two days ago. Does the media want to give Faux News the honor of declaring Joe Biden President? “Here, I made you shit sandwich with extra corn.  No, no, you go ahead and call it;  we want you too. This is too good to share.”

If this were Star Wars, we’d be starting a new film here. “Luke’s Big Breakdown, Rise of the Pharmaceuticals!” It is common knowledge Trumpy only has one toe on the reality base and it could be subject to let go at any time. The vampire slayers are out in full force and the friendships Trump has forged over these last four years have put wooden stakes at a premium in Washington. Nobody loves you when you’re down and out especially when they didn’t love you to begin with.

Okay (okay, okay, okay)
Just a little pinprick
There’ll be no more, ah
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it’s working, good
That’ll keep you going through the show
Come on it’s time to go

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb

– Pink Floyd (as if you didn’t know)

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