Feel the Burn

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

In my mind I keep seeing that scene from “Gone with the Wind.” Gerald O’Hara riding up to the front stoop of Tara yelling, “It’s over, the war is over!” Meanwhile in Washington, come on, unlock the door for me! Who’s a good boy! Come on out, I’ve got some nice executive orders for you to sign. “No!”  If you come out, we can look at your picture book. Five hundred pictures of you! “No!” We’ve got McDonalds! “click.”

White House insiders say the possibility of defeat never crossed their minds. They’d gotten away with murder for so long they couldn’t fathom not winning the election. Dancing at Versailles the word peasant is never heard. If you paint the inside of the fishbowl, it looks smaller. Only true believers beyond this point. We know that Don the con doesn’t allow dissension in the ranks and unpopular opinions will be shown the door, his polls and Faux News had him way ahead. I double dog dare you to go back in time and tell Trumpy, “You’re gonna lose Georgia by seven thousand votes.” He’d be pushing the button to have you ejected as soon as you said, “Lose!”

Don Junior [you must be this high to ride.] has his coon skin cap on trying to locate Robert E. Lee to rally the troops and fire on Fort Sumpter. Junior realizes if daddy loses the election he might have to start paying for his buzz. He might have to get a job and go to work. Of course, Junior has a job now in the same way former Vice-President, Dan Quayle had a job. He worked at Grand pa’s newspaper! That’s how he got to be a scratch golfer, hard work, family values and a nice tan. Being important is fun and the drugs are free.

Is it a Shakespearian tragedy or a Mel Brook’s farce? “I’m gonna lose my phony bologna job!” Headly Lamar do something! He said, the new sheriff is getting nearer! Black America stood up and voted for Joe Biden like he owed them money. Black America took Georgia away, kudos to Stacey Abrams and they took Pennsylvania away, single handedly denying Trump a second term. And after he did more for y’all than any President since Lincoln. [kidding]

The rednecks, the rough customers and pseudo-Nazi meth makers are oiling up their rifles. Warning they have the guns and the bullets and balls to pull it off and what are you snowflakes gonna do about it? Me? I’ll stand quietly to the side quaking in my boots watching you die in pointless shootouts with trained professionals. I had a friend who was a baseball phenom. Best pitcher in his little league, best pitcher in his high school league and best pitcher in his Babe Ruth League. Drafted to a division one college on the first day he said, “Damn, these boys are good!” He only thought he was a phenom. When he got around professionals, he discovered he was a country boy from Alabama and needed to get back there.

Too many Rambo movies and not enough mirrors. Too many Sargent Rock and not enough Dick Winters. It is all about fantasy, Q-anon, Epstein and Hillary Clinton. None of this would have ever happened if they hadn’t taken the soap operas off the air. They could worry about Luke and Laura instead of pizza parlors and pedophilia.  But Trumpy has turned his personal paranoia into the home version of “Everybody’s out to get me!” so let’s play along. It all looks so cool and feels so real, the reflections off the disco ball until they turn the lights on and it’s just the gymnasium. That’s the problem with the Alternative Truth, eventually Mr. Ferguson the P.E. Coach turns the lights on.

The Trumpies in the White House say, “What? What’s everybody looking at?”

Normally, when a successful candidate leads the ticket the down ballot candidates benefit. When the lead candidate on the ticket is weak, the opposite occurs. This time, down ballot candidates outperformed Donald Trump. They don’t hate Republicans, just Trump!

Yes, the war is over, Faux News has fallen. The Wall Street Journal tells Trump to think of his legacy. “Hey Don, It’s Rupert Murdoch on the phone, I think you’re fired.” The Murdoch publications are preparing the faithful for the worst. The Emperor will address the Japanese people on the radio. We must endure the unendurable.

The Orange Fuhrer rails, “Why won’t my lawyers fight? But already it is more of thunder than of rain. This is the last page of the script. Reportedly, aides at the White House are trying to lure Trump down from a tree with a bag of jelly doughnuts. My hat is off to them Koko the gorilla was at least cooperative. The American people just bitchslapped the alternative truth into oblivion. The worms will soon turn on themselves. Chief of Staff Mark Meadows tested positive for corona virus leaving other cabinet members envious. If you don’t like Trump when he’s winning, wait until you see him lose!

Who will make odds that Trump attends the Inauguration? Harry Truman felt slighted because Eisenhower made him wait in the car. I wouldn’t want to be there when the moving van arrives.  Bill Clinton said, what he missed most about the White House was people standing up when he walked in the room. Can you imagine a malignant narcissist denied his daily fix of adoration? Living under a false persona of the successful businessman who always fails and now a failed one-term President, facing litigation everyday for the rest of his life.

Donald Trump once said that Joe Biden was the worst candidate ever and then lost to him. Feel the burn!

“It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonored by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money. – Oliver Cromwell

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