By David Glenn Cox
I said, “My, my, my mama we’re all crazy tonight!” President orange Trumpy took the news that the United States Supreme Court declined to hear his seditious spitball with his usual stoic aplomb. Trump refused to attend the White House Christmas Party until lured from under a table by a remote-control fire truck. The cheese has slid off the cracker, the rag is off the bush all that remains now is fantasy and the true believers of the Fuhrer Bunker boys’ choir.
Orange Trumpy retreated into the safe space of the Army vs. Navy football game where it is literally against the law to boo. Standing on the fifty-yard line Trumpy grimaced as the names of the Pentagon brass were announced. “Acting Secretary of Defense, Acting Secretary of the Navy” and so on and so on. Then smiling like a fifth grader waiting for his name to be called in the spelling Bee Orange Trumpy smiled a sublime smile as the crowed cheered. The endorphins are hitting the system, one more time with gusto! One more time for the good ole days! “They love me; they really love me.”
Meanwhile, on the other side of town My Pillow founder (I made my fortune on TV, and I’ll lose it the same way.) Mike Lindell was ginning up the crowd explaining how this was all the fault Faux News. “Why did they call Arizona for Biden with only 14% of the vote in if they didn’t know the winner already?” Yes, that is where we are at. Secret conspiracies and treasonous cabals, bleeding-heart liberals, midnight meetings in places you never heard about. Corporate jets parked side by side in Zanzibar, “And then when it gets to 14% of the vote, you use your network to announce Joe Biden wins Arizona! It will be crushing!” Yes Mr. Soros.
The polls were closed nationwide so it could not have affected even one vote. The battle ground states were Pennsylvania and Georgia, the outcome of the election was decided there. And finally, Joe Biden did win Arizona. Faux wasn’t wrong, there was no counting error. But do you think that matters? The mob is looking for reasons. This couldn’t happen! The Fuhrer told us this could not happen! This is somebodies’ fault but it’s not mine and not Trump’s fault, so it must be your fault! You voted for that dumbass Kemp in Georgia (after Trump told you to vote for him) and you elected that idiot Doocey in Arizona. (After Trump told you to vote for him.)
Quick, without naming family members who is on the good side of Trumpy these days? Ah, the melancholy of a mortal mad man meandering back to the memories of good old days. The smell of the crowd and the roar of the grease paint. I could have been a contender! But they all sold me out, they could have done more. Bill Barr could have done more! Faux News could have done more! Brian Kemp and Doocey could have done more! Stating your opinion will get you fired but hanging around will get you blamed.
I’m always impressed at Trump rallies because there are always street vendors. “Oh, hell yeah, I’m pissed off! Gimme a flag and that tee shirt and a hat and two of those bumper stickers!” Nothing says rage and protest like a flag and a new hat. But with the brew ha-ha, you get the hangers on and the last year’s models. Trying to squeeze the sponge a little tighter trying to ring out the last vestige of name recognition and self-respect. The leaders without followers, the Party noisemakers blowing off key with tin whistle shrillness. Enter Sarah Palin, she believes the election was stolen. She believes anything you want her to believe with a meal ticket and an open bar. She’s here to add legitimacy. Really, no kidding!
Pat Robertson has assured the faithful that Jesus is about to make his move to overturn the election because Jesus does whatever we want him to do. And we want him to overturn the election because that is what a good god does. I think I understand now, the ball went through Bill Buckner’s legs because god wanted the Cubs to lose! Bartman didn’t grab the foul ball, god did it! “Got Mit Us!”
Now you done it. You gone and gotten Texas all angry and threatening to leave the union again. I have a suggestion, how about a probationary status? For two years the United States shuts down all support for Texas and gives them at shot a self-rule. Of course, they will have to figure out how to deliver mail and handle border patrol issues but I’m sure it will be fine. Don’t forget your passport when visiting the United States! Maybe we will give you most favored nation trading status.
Since the days of Barry Goldwater and Ronald Reagan the Republicans have rode on the backs of extremism. Red subversives and Chinese underground and bleeding-heart liberals each year orbiting a bit further from the surface of the earth. Becoming more and more extreme until reality is finally squeezed from the picture. They have created a Frankenstein monster which now wants to kill them. The protesters in Washington chanting, “Destroy the GOP! The Republican Party has let us down this is all their fault! “Destroy the GOP! Destroy the GOP!” Are you listening Gym Jordan are you listening Ted Cruz? Sure, your loyal, but are you going to be loyal enough for tomorrow?
The orange one tweets out the madness of someone who is no longer putting us on. He tweets like someone who believes in the fantasy. To go to the Christmas party would be to accept reality and that ship has already sailed. Trumpy’s policy is scorched earth. He plans to burn the Republican Party to the ground on his way out the door. He’ll show them. He will teach them a lesson they will never forget because they didn’t do enough to support him. After losing the election to the Democrats Trump declares war on the Republicans. After four years there is only one certainty, this could not be Trump’s fault because it’s never Trumpy’s fault.