By David Glenn Cox
Donald, is not fair. You here four years tweet this and tweet that! When do I get chance to tweet? “Well Malaria, this is a very technical device. Not like the goat cart you learned to drive on.” But Donald is not fair I want tweet! “Okay, okay, keep your shirt on…this time. Tell me what you want to say, and I’ll type it in to the machine you.
I want say thank you to American people for allowing us the privilege of living in White House for the last four years and to apologize for messing up Jackie Kennedy rose thingy.
“The elitist snobs in the fashion press have kept the most elegant First Lady in American history off the covers of their magazines for 4 consecutive years.” – Britebart
Of course, orange Trumpy has a valid complaint. Over 330,000 Americans dead with hospital intensive care units overwhelmed. Record unemployment and forty million Americans facing eviction in next month. An economy rapidly taking on the look of a Donner party but why won’t they put Malaria on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue? I think it is because of her parents, Mother Nature and Father Time. I was a pretty good ball player in my day, but that day was yester if I showed up for Spring Training they would only laugh.
It is true that Mrs. Obama was featured on many magazine covers but that was because she did…things. I can tell you that stretching “Be Best” into two thousand words is going to be a hard day at the office. “I bought coat that said, I don’t care! Media turn into big political statement just because I first lady. I only bought coat because it was on sale for five thousand dollars and went with my two-thousand-dollar boots. I get whole ensemble for less that ten grand, but does the media give credit? Do you see the problem here? And what have you been doing with yourself over the holidays? “Hanging out and shopping online, I get great pearl necklace.”
“I forced to supervise dozens of competent highly trained decorators cause who the fuck cares about Christmas? If I not there…work get done anyway.” It’s just hard to find a good angle for a magazine. “Malaria Trump’s Top Ten Complaints about being Wealthy” – Malaria Trump “I hate all you people!” It just doesn’t draw you in. In her past life Mrs. Trump was a model, not a spokes model. More attuned to appearing on a Snap-on calendar in a skimpy costume than holding a press briefing. Then there is the phony college degree issue. “The University was lost in bureaucratic shake up. Whole University lost. It took them many years to find and when they find, my department was missing!”
This isn’t Malaria’s fault, and she certainly didn’t ask for this. She thought she could save her failing modeling career by marrying the orange abomination. Marry an old man, pop out an anchor baby and ride em into the ground happy ever after. Clearly, theirs is a marriage made in heaven, a narcissistic madman and a Slovenian porn model. Who knew they had so much in common? Bess Truman hated Washington too, she just kept it to herself.
Jackie Kennedy was young, beautiful, educated and engaging. She endeavored to redecorate the White House along with the best historians at the Smithsonian Institution. She collected donations, and all the money went where it was supposed to go. She spent her time in the White House making it better than was when she arrived.
Eleanor Roosevelt was too busy to fool with rose gardens. She was on the road advocating for workers rights and civil rights. She was the first First Lady to fly with a Black pilot and advocated for the Tuskegee Airmen, insisting they be given P-51 Mustang fighters and not the obsolete P-40 War hawks. She went on to become our first Ambassador to the United Nations not because she was FDR’s widow, but because she was Eleanor Roosevelt. A woman of stature, who didn’t need to count magazine covers.
One thousand days Jackie was in the White House. She made the White House better she didn’t make it Jackie, she made it better. If she knew how many magazine covers, she was on I’m sure she forgot. She typified the 60s women young, beautiful and smart. A woman able to handle the kids and the big job.
So, if you are unhappy about the number of magazine covers you’ve been on. Draw up a chair to the nearest big mirror you got. Sit in the chair close your eyes and count to one hundred. When you open your eyes, the person responsible will magically appear in the mirror. You are the First Lady of the United States of America, not Twiggy! You weren’t hired to model on QVC. All you need do is to open your mouth and the magazines will fall at your feet. Provided that you have something to say.
Nancy Reagan had her drugs, drugs, drugs. Barbara Bush was her child literacy program and Michelle Obama was involved in a host of projects. It made them newsworthy, and editors would send reporters to cover the story putting the First Lady’s picture on the cover. Jackie was young and beautiful, Michelle was the first Black woman making her important in so many different ways. She performed flawlessly in the face of withering criticism for eight years. When she left the White House, you thought more of her than when she came in. She took the job and made something of herself with it. She isn’t just the former First Lady, she is Michelle Obama in her own right.
Be best? Like be good? That’s it?
“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt