By David Glenn Cox
If the numbers hold in Georgia, the Democrats have taken control of the Senate. It means among other things that at any moment Donald Trumpy will announce, “See, I told you it was rigged.” Spending several hours browbeating Mike Pence, trying to shove a stick up his ass to give him a spine. “Come on Mike, it’s only treason, and you only live once! Don’t you want to be the first Vice-Dictator of the United States? Then if I died and all my children died you could be dictator of the United States. Think of it, Mike, you could make church attendance for the poor mandatory!
“All I’m asking you to do Mike, is to put your head on a chopping block for me. If it works, you’ll be on Easy Street, if not you won’t ever have to worry about being alone in a room with a woman again! Do you want to be remembered as dull old Mike Pence, who followed the law and went home? Or Mister Excitement! I ain’t afraid of no law!”
According to published reports, Mr. Pence attempted to explain to the orange five-year-old all of the reasons why the scheme won’t work. Leaving out the most important and most obvious of all, that it is an act of treason against the people of the United States. “Come on Mike, do me a favor while I sit back and watch!” If he does what Trump wants, he could ruin his own chances for 2024. If he doesn’t do what Trumpy wants, Trumpy will scorn him and piss on his parade in 2024. Has anyone else noticed Trumpy’s sudden accumulation of political enemies?
There is a Twilight Zone episode about a crank. An angry man who spends his days writing letters of complaint trying to get people fired from their jobs. He decides that all of his enemies are evil people, and at four o’clock they will all be made small. And of course, at four o’clock only he was made small. Damn you Rod Serling, it was supposed to be science fiction! Follow me down the rabbit hole; On Parlor social media’s Moron Academy, the rumor was Mike Pence had been switched by a body double. Not unlike the recent rumor that Trump had been switched for a body double. But according to the rumor Pence would object, if that were really Mike Pence. “Give him the test! Bring out the flies!”
It shows the author with limited imagination as well as limited probability skills. If the President is actually a body double and the Vice President is actually a body double. How do we know that the guy who replaced them with body doubles isn’t a body double himself? Where do you acquire this stable of body doubles? “Are you tired of that dead-end job? Are you looking for a new career? Now, with Acme School of body doubling your horizons are unlimited. You could be a CEO, the King of France, Elvis or even the President of the United States! So, call now operators are standing by!”
The lunacy begets lunacy until eleven or twelve senators are ready to place their careers on the altar of self-destruction defending a man with nothing to lose. Trump is cornered like Jimmy Cagney in White Heat and everyone is expendable. Casting their lot with someone who will use them as a human shield and throw them away when no longer needed. You really have to wonder about politicians who can’t read a scoreboard. It’s the ninth inning fellas and Team Trump is losing 60 to 1 there is no need to get anyone up in the bull pen. This is the end of the game. Trumpy is going to leave the field leaving you fellas behind to sit in the stench.
I remember when Lloyd Benson told Dan Quayle, “I knew John Kennedy, and you’re no John Kennedy.” Future debates will feature, “I might not be as experienced as my opponent, but at least I’m loyal to the Constitution! I might raise your taxes, but I won’t try to overthrow the government!” Donald Trump is smoke; he will fade away like the hula hoop and the pet rock. He will take his cult and his pound of flesh and they will grow old and feeble together. Looney Uncle Ned, who still stays up late to watch the broadcasts. In politics, the train won’t wait at the station and if you ain’t on the train you’re off the train. The Trump’s are home shopping, but it appears no one wants the former President Pariah as their next-door neighbor. And in the neighborhoods the Trump’s shop in the neighbors have a say. Somewhere the Beverly Hillbillies must have been based in fact.
Already Trump staffers have found their resume’s more of a hindrance than a help in gaining new employment. The sell by date is January 20th but it has already begun to stink. Does anyone want to see Devin Nune’s Medal of Freedom? For outstanding research in the field of imaginary cows. What will it be worth January 21st? Trump wrote, “Some Pig” in his web and Nune’s smiles from ear to ear. Make way, dead man walking, last year’s flavor of the month now on sale at discount prices.
Capturing the Senate means Joe Biden has more tools and no excuses. It means the storm is over, the wind can bluster but it can no longer blow and Mitch, that’s Mister Schumer to you.