Hitch Hiking Back to Joplin

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I told them to run but would they listen? I told them corporate America was going to abandon them and despise them like a pile of dirty gym socks covered in dog vomit, but did they listen? Talk is afoot about placing Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley on the national terrorist “No Fly” list. My guess is Washington to St. Louis is about maybe eighteen hour trip by bus. The newer buses have electrical outlets and Wi-Fi and stop frequently at many of your favorite truck stops and out of the way places in towns you’ve never heard of before. I doubt that the Senators will ever actually make the list, only it does illustrate just how radioactive a person can become.

Like a bad movie from Mystery Science Theater. “They came from the Swamp!” Plan 10 from Outer Space! Just the hideous sight of them made crowds swoon! “Stop! Stop! You stay away from me, or I’ll scream!” Don’t you know me? It’s me; it’s Ted with my old pal Josh. “No, it’s not you. It’s someone else; I don’t know either of you!” But Mom!

Two American boys out on the loose sniffing up trouble when an incredibly poorly constructed cheap excuse for UFO special effect captures them and performs horrible experiments. “First, we will use the Sedition Ray!” No, no, no, not that! I’m a patriot please, don’t make me a traitor! No, no, no!!!! Aaaaah!

I – think – the – President – is – correct. There – are – many – issues – to – investigate.

“Now it is your turn puny human Ted Cruz, for you we have devised something special. Our most evil device, The intelligence eliminator! With the push of this one single button, the Intelligence eliminator will reduce your intelligence to that of a sun made raisin! Goodbye Mr. Cruz! Wait, it doesn’t seem to be working! The machine it is overheating and is going to explode! He’s so dumb to begin with his biofeedback is over overloading the stupid circuits and causing the ignorance generator to overheat.

“Will the aliens ever come back grandpa?” They’ve never left us Suzie; the ignorance generators are everywhere. Anywhere an unscrupulous untalented politician runs for office they will be there. Wherever an honest citizen is beating up a cop because he believes himself to be a patriot, they will be there. They’ll be there in the faces of the children in broken down schools. The faces of the underpaid teachers trying to hold the world of PS 103 together. They’ll be there in the laughter of CEO’s pushing tax cuts and offshoring.”

Senator Joe McCarthy was a hero to the Republican faithful, until he wasn’t. Finally broaching the fourth wall, the little dog pulled back the curtain and exposed him as a cheap conniving drunken overly ambitious charlatan. Up until that moment he was a patriot out to expose the truth about rampant Communist influence deep inside the United States government. This time around we have Bozo in a buffalo robe and it’s the Deep State instead of Communists. The patriots are going to save America from a criminal gang of pedophiles, sack the Capitol and be back at work on Monday!

“Hey look, we’s on TV! Hi Mom! It’s me, Darryl! From Huntington, West Virginia, on Delancey Street! Call my boss at Acme Appliance and tell him I’m sick.”

On the night of the sixth, I saw a GMC pickup truck backed up to the steps of the Capitol building and in the front window was a sign, “Pelosi is Satan.” On the other side a Trump campaign sign and as I watched I said to myself, that’s a nice truck. I bet he’s going to miss it. “Well boys, I guess we’re hitch hiking back to Joplin.” Oh, the conversation he’s going to have with his significant other when he gets home. “What do you mean you lost the truck?” Anyone who has ever been towed before knows of the torture in store. But this wasn’t just illegal parking, this was illegally parked on Federal Property while in the commission of a crime. That’s not a pickup truck anymore son, that’s evidence! Have you ever wondered why the government and law enforcement agencies have so many cars to auction off? Because their occupants are in prison!

What was once hot is now cold, the proles have changed polarity. The stage dressing dropped, and the orange abomination was upset because his low-class ignorant supporters looked like his low-class ignorant supporters. “Sire, the peasants are revolting! Yes, I know they are but they vote for us in November!” More worried about losing his golf tournament than losing what little semblance of a former President’s reputation he had left. Twitter cut him off and Facebook too. The E-mail server company for the Republican Party wants out of their contract. The banks won’t do business with him anymore. Campaign contributors are calling wanting their money back.

Orange Trumpy the counter puncher is going to fight back. Displaying this Administration’s TVA and Grand Coulee Dam. Visiting the Texas-Berlin wall showing Americans what he believes to be his greatest accomplishment. He will award Jim Jordan with America’s highest civilian honor, the Medal of Freedom. Bill Belichick refused his offer and earned an even higher recognition. This is Zombie Trump still dancing though the music has stopped. A greatest hit tour, the wall, remember the wall? It was going to be great and Mexico is going to pay for it!  “I brought my good friend Jim Jordan along. He’s a great American just like me!” In the old daze the crowd would thunder.

The counter puncher is punched out and played out and strung out. Scotland is talking about banning Trump from the country forever. If this movement catches fire orange Trumpy could find himself a man without a planet and a Federal prison ID his only citizenship. The deposed President finds himself the most despised man on the planet, except of course for Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz.

Stand up for America! Keep paying for that truck you don’t own anymore sucker.

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