By David Glenn Cox
Take a picture of a moment in time, listen to it reverberate and echo. Watch the ripples reach the shore, something to tell the grand kids about after your long-winded story about 911. But if you are old enough to remember Watergate. This is the part after news of the break in, but before we learned Nixon himself was responsible before John Dean turned on him. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you want popcorn or need to use the facilities, now might a good time. Tighten up your Whigs the road is about to get bumpy from here on out. We were silly young people who thought we’d never see anything like Nixon or Watergate ever again.
Poor, poor Richard Nixon, alas I knew him well. Burglaries done by amateur’s in feeble attempts to garner sensitive information on your opponent. So, 1970s, in the 21st Century we just make shit it up and save our criminal endeavors for bigger game. Remember the film, “The Producers”? If the play closes early, nobody asks where all the money went, and nobody expects a payout. You can take in as much money as you want. Orange Trumpy went into the fall campaign with a billion-dollar war chest. Only to discover, and they were shocked. Shocked I tell you shocked, to find out that all that money had somehow disappeared. Campaign Chairman Brad Parscale was sacked, and the missing funds were chalked up to Brad’s exorbitant lifestyle. A billion dollars, exorbitant lifestyle? What was he doing, wiping his ass with gold bars? “Rut Roh, Shaggy, it sounds like a mystery!”
Your boss calls a meeting to announce someone has been stealing from the company. There are ten suspects and one of them is Donald Trump, guess who stole the money? If the mortuary attendant reported pennies stolen from the eyelids of corpses and Donald Trump was one of the suspects, guess who stole the pennies? To become a morbid cartoon town characterization of himself, a historical boogie man. A comic euphemism for pathetic clown. Politico reported that 12 big brave Republican House members will stand up and vote for Impeachment. 199 more Republicans will vote to retain the President. “Da, what did he do? Sedition? Insurrection? Da, what’s wrong with that?”
In my mind I see two dinosaurs talking, “Hey Lenny, I got to ask you something. Remember that meteor that hit yesterday? Have you noticed that somehow everything kind of different? Everything is all fire and smoke, and all the trees are gone!” No it’s just your imagination, I haven’t noticed a thing.
199 House Republicans not content with marching into hell insist on leading a big brass band. Tying themselves to the rotting flesh of Donald Trump and his failed Coup de tat. However long the night comes the dawn eventually. House and Senate members slowly begin to realize that this was no random red neck mob action, but a planned hit from an orange mob boss under the cover of morons. It’s a bad day at the office when the boss tries to kill you. It’s a real bad day at the office when the boss tries to kill you and you vote to keep the boss. Republicans think now is a good time to forget about all about this. What we really need right now is unity, unity, and really short memories.
The rats have begun to sing pointing fingers at three Republican Congressman as instigators and planners of the affair. If so, it changes everything. If so, it wasn’t just an angry mob of idiots wound up by orange Trumpy’s vile rhetoric, it was a conspiracy to overthrow the government of the United States of America. A conspiracy orchestrated by Donald Trump with material and logistical aid coming from Republican members of Congress.
Perhaps we had Trumpy all wrong, maybe he is the greatest deal maker of all time. Before you could get me to put my Congressional head on the literal chopping block for Donald Trump. Bubba, you’re going to have to do some real fine fancy talking. They weren’t discussing policy issues or reelection strategies, they were conspiring against the government and planning a felonious crime. A crime which is generally fatal to failed perpetrators the world over with words like piano wire, firing squads and Benito Mussolini coming to mind.
Nixon looks so comically pathetic now, a nervous Barney Fife character bungling his quick draw. We now have a master criminal despised across the face of the globe, more reviled than Vladimir Putin and little rocket man combined. A criminal of Bond villain stature who has conned, connived, and convinced 199 Republicans to voluntarily drink the poison Kool aid and off themselves. Signing up for the wrong side of history, the wrong side of their oath and the wrong side of any potential future employment. Come on seven! Cause you only get one roll of the dice. Republicans vainly try, “I dunno, I think King Kong looks pretty good up there swinging off the building like that. I vote we keep him there! It’s only a week!”
The rats are scattering that is one way you can tell that the coup has failed. Last week, Lindsey Graham disgustedly told the Senate, “I’m done, I’m out. I’ve tried to be helpful.” Next week, he flies on Air Force One to Texas puppy pads under his arm, lapping at the heels of the orange dictator anxious to please.
Do you know why the Pentagon issued a statement the other day offering unequivalently the military’s support for the Constitution and the incoming administration of Joe Biden? Because somebody asked them. Probably somebody orange. The Pentagon has never published a statement like that previously, because no one had ever asked before. You don’t get to be a General without learning to cover your ass. When someone suggests that you sign on to treason, you immediately put out a position paper against it, sign it and publish it. So, there will be no question of loyalty if at some later date there were some treasonous event which happened randomly, occurring out of the blue.
Politics is the study of what politicians answer to the questions you never asked.