By David Glenn Cox
Standard operating procedure for a Republican in the teeth of a scandal is to remain defiant. Blame someone else and accuse the media of blowing the story out of proportion. Attempts are afoot to block former human Ted Cruz, from attending the upcoming inauguration ceremonies. On the grounds, that it is too much like allowing John Wilkes Booth back to Ford’s theater to see how the play ends. Ivanka Kardashian makes a public announcement that she is not going to attend the inauguration. She’s not going for the same reason that I’m not going… she wasn’t invited. Like father like daughter, I guess. Yet the Republicans dream on riding the bull, holding on for ten seconds until the public forgets or until some clown comes along and bails them out. Pretending that nothing has changed, I’m not looking at a prison sentence.
It is like they work at the World Trade Center or something, living in non-reality as Heinrich (Josh) Hawley speaks.
“This could not be more Orwellian. Simon & Shuster are cancelling my contract because I was representing my constituents, leading a debate on the Senate floor on voter integrity, which they have now decided to redefine as sedition. Let me be clear, this is not just a contract dispute. It’s a direct assault on the First Amendment. Only approved speech can now be published. This is the Left looking to cancel everyone they don’t approve of. I will fight this cancel culture with everything I have. We’ll see you in court.”
Yes, we will see you in court, at the defendants table. And we expect to take everything you have including your freedom. But reread his statement in Daffy Duck’s voice then read it in a Monty Python Biggus Dickus voice. Simon and Shuster are attacking your First Amendment rights and MY bank account! Five people dead…they canceled my book deal! Look at what the left is doing to America! They canceled my book deal! He’s right, of course, publishers are fickle. I once had a book turned down as “too anti-corporate”. You can’t expect the chicken farmer to feed the wolves. Just try to get a publisher interested in your manifesto of intergalactic wisdom as dictated to you by space aliens for the people of Earth. But if Stephen King wrote it, the book would sell ten million copies.
But little Heinrich had hoped his book would be his big breakthrough, his “Profiles in Courage” moment, Mussolini mouse snarling at big tech. That moment when Dick Clark invites him to play his new hit song, “I’m a Corn-fed Asshole” with Paul Revere and the Raiders for all the kids on American Bandstand. And just when you think it can’t get any darker, the wind blows the candle out. Loews Hotels announced that they were cancelling the Josh Hawley event scheduled for next month in their hotel.
“We are horrified and opposed to the events at the Capitol and all who supported and incited the actions,” – Loews Hotels
Hawley called it, a bow to Left wing corporate pressure.
“If these corporations don’t want conservatives to speak, they should just be honest about it, but to equate leading a debate on the floor of the Senate with inciting violence is a lie, and it’s dangerous.” -Heinrich (Josh) Hawley
You are damn right its dangerous! The I didn’t do anything defense and playing the victim card is murdering your parents and begging for mercy on the grounds you’re an orphan. I was just fighting for my constituent’s right to overthrow a free and fair election. I was simply leading the debate in the Senate as to whether we should overthrow the democratic government or not. My hundreds of statements claiming voter fraud and my assertive Fascist manner should in no way be misconstrued as questioning the outcome of the election. No sympathy, no remorse, and no shame. A trait learned at the feet of the orange disaster.
“I was just lying there minding my own business highlighting my favorite passages in the Bible when this drunken naked hooker broke into my cheap hotel room. She spilled whiskey all over me before she passed out and fell on my erect penis and now, the Left want to redefine it as prostitution!”
“I was just standing there on the sixth floor of the schoolbook depository showing my friend my sniper rifle looking out the window. When out jumps this big twelve-point buck from behind the grassy knowle headed for the Presidential motorcade! I was just doing my patriotic duty, but I guess I missed.”
Psst, don’t wake him he thinks he still has a career. He thinks that he is going to harvest votes from the looney tune crowd. Well, the ones not facing confinement anyway. Over 2,200 voters in South Florida have already changed their Party affiliation from Republican to Independent just since January 6th. Corporate America has vowed, not another dime. Sane members of the Republican Party have called what the Republican Party has become, a cult. Sane members of the Republican Party have left it. The Republicans in Arizona want to censure Cindy McCain. A private citizen for giving her opinion. They didn’t cancel her book deal or ruin her Presidential aspirations. They simply want to censure her because they don’t like what she said.
They don’t like what she said about the Emperor’s wardrobe and they want her to shut up about it. Only because she is the widow of the late Senator, John McCain, an icon of what the Republican Party used to be. What it used to be before the zombie anger and rage took over. Back before all the conspiracies and back before the doctor had to put you on Xanax for your nerves. Everyone’s out to get us, our enemies are everywhere! “Hang Mike Pence, Hang Mike Pence!” Hero today, meat dangling before the carnivores tomorrow. Josh Hawley wants to ride on the back of the tiger and out of trouble without realizing, he’s already been devoured.
Fabulous Freep will now hold ten sticks of dynamite in his bare hands while they detonate! BOOM! We are sorry to announce that due to unforeseen circumstances and technical difficulties, the encore has been cancelled.