Dear Elon Musk,

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

It has come to my attention that you are very clever in the field of space related matters. I know that you are busy what with electric cars and rockets and such, but I am writing for a friend of mine who has a problem that only you can solve. It seems that on January 6th there was this demonstration that got a little out of hand in Washington. Woke up the FBI and everybody, cops are rounding up suspects by the truckload. They are using NASA super computers to determine the length of their eventual prison sentences, anyway I digress. One cop died; one cop lost an eye. Fifty cops in the hospital, boys will be boys huh?

Anyway, I was wondering if a space vehicle could be built for my friend? Something nice and spacious for a long voyage to Neptune maybe or anywhere you might suggest. Only, it’s got to be someplace really, really far away. You see, as you read this my friend, he has this staff. And this staff of his signed their names with his authorization to the Park Permit that turned into a riot. So, let us end all this talk of how stupid it was to take selfies in the Capitol. These folks handed a note to the bank teller, “Give me all the money! Signed, Bonnie & Clyde 1462 East. Elm St. Turdsmell, Ohio.”

Trump, I mean my friend. Is trying to claim that these crazy over the top protestors all acted of their own volition. My friend, he just said some words and now they are trying to blame him for the whole altercation. And well, if his staff got the permit and rented the sound system and set up the tents. It is as clear as a wart on the end of a pretty girl’s nose that my friend and yours is going to jail. Now, before you say no. Before you say that you don’t do one off spacecraft. My friend has other friends who are also considering space travel as an option. Hundreds of friends, perhaps a space bus or a Ted Cruz ship? How long would such a vehicle take to construct?

It is probably premature to mention; but my friend really likes the color orange. So, if the interior color scheme is an option, orange would be his preference. I realize that this undertaking will be awfully expensive, but rest assured my friend has lots of money and excellent credit references! Please advise with your plans and schematics.

Your friend,

Donald J. Smith

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Washington, D.C.

PS, please let me know in the next two days.

Speaking of Lauren Bobert, the pistol packing Congresswoman from Rifle, Colorado. Sixty-eight elected officials in her own state are calling for her investigation. If proven that she gave real time, logistical aid to terrorists? If proven her or her staff gave reconnaissance tours of the Capitol, even Space X won’t be able to help her. Remember that name, Lauren Bobert. Once she enters the Federal Corrections System you won’t hear it anymore. And when you do hear that name again you will have long forgotten the circumstances of her incarceration. Way back when you doctor grandson had just entered pre-school.

Here is the problem; in 48 hours immunity for the orange hemorrhoid will expire. With the revelation that White House staffers organized and planned the riot. Trumpy is looking at sedition, insurrection, and possibly high treason charges. Never in American history has a President attempted to overthrow the government before and never I dare say will it ever be attempted so poorly again. But rather than one Constitutional crisis, we now have two.

In the wake of these revelations, Republican Senators may find themselves in the Impeachment hot seat. If they vote not to convict, they are doomed. And if they vote to convict, they are doomed. But then comes round two; Is Donald John Trump guilty of Sedition and Insurrection? And with the five-alarm smoking gun and a dozen or so junior staffers anxious to avoid long prison terms the issue becomes all but academic. The only question will be whether to hear the witnesses chronologically or alphabetically. The Republicans will find themselves Nuremburg Judges, voting to acquit Herman Goering of all charges. Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

Newly released video shows a quorum of rioters going through the papers on the desk of Ted (poison) Cruz. They were confused by the wording of a document and thought Cruz was about to sell them out. If the mob had found him, he might have been hung because of poor reading comprehension. “Cut him down, we read it wrong.”

It is terribly unfair to the incoming Administration. They must deal with a deadly pandemic bungled by the current Administration. They must deal with an economic crisis bungled by the current Administration and deadly insurrection caused by the current Administration. Not since Franklin Roosevelt has an incoming Administration faced such a daunting task. And FDR didn’t have to deal with orange Trumpy, the mess that keeps on giving.

If Trump is convicted of sedition and insurrection and sentenced to prison his mullet headed robo zombies will piss themselves with rage. But if he is not prosecuted the founding fathers will roll over in their graves and all our founding documents will become irrelevant. “You get one free attempt to overthrow the government after that, you might be in some trouble!”

You just had to know that the Trump Administration would end like this. With all your reason and all of your senses you thought it couldn’t all be true. You want to wake up, but the nightmare won’t end! He can’t really be that corrupt, can he? Passing out pardons from a candy dish as soon as the check clears the bank. The orange nightmare makes up with Rudy Giuliani only to discover that Rudy can’t defend him in his Senate trial because Rudy’s on the witness list for the prosecution.

The Republicans want us to put it all behind us and bind our wounds. But first, you must remove the splinter causing the injury. To remove the knife from the back of our government placed there on January 6th. It is too late to say you’re sorry. You have already fired on Fort Sumpter.

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