By David Glenn Cox
Tis the day we’ve all been waiting for. Just like Christmas only reversed. We don’t want to see the fat man arrive; we want to see him leave! Hit the bricks, adios, make like cow shit and hit the trail. Trumpy posted a farewell video but only Newsmax and then grudgingly, Faux News aired it. In it Trumpy says, well, you know what Trumpy says. “I’m the rightful King of the world” or “My psychological debilitation is not painfully obvious.” But flush with megalomaniac giddiness as the emotional pendulum swings back towards delusional possibilities. Trumpy announces he might be forming his own new political party. Tentatively named, The God in heaven himself couldn’t get a Republican elected Party or just, the Patriot Party.
This is Trump’s last day, and we should have learned by now that this is all covered on page one of the Trumpy operator’s manual. Whenever the orange apocalypse feels shaded, he makes some absurd claim. “I didn’t wanna be a Republican anyway! You guys suck! I’m gonna start my own Party! With hookers and blackjack!” History in the making and YOU are There! The first and last official meeting of the Trumpy Patriot Party. Look how hard it was for Ross Perot to start a third party, and he was sane mainly! With Trumpy’s well-known organizational skills and Rudy Giuliani doing in the legal legwork the Party should be up and grifting in no time.
As you already know, I’m fighting the deep state, pedophiles and several secret intergalactic confrontations, but I can’t do it alone. I need your money. With your money, I can buy more airtime and send more mass e-mails to even more people. Asking for even more money, so we can fight our enemies. Big tech is trying to silence Conservatives. They don’t like our Rock and Roll attitude, or our Nazi burn the place to the ground mentality.
I know you Patriots are ready. Ready to be a part of our campaign, the “Miss a trailer payment for freedom campaign!” So, send those donations of ($100) ($200) or ($500) as soon as possible. Sure, I’m a billionaire, but your money works better. As we speak, I’ve got Nancy Pelosi in a headlock, but I can’t finish her off without your money! The law might say I can’t run for office again, but it doesn’t say I can’t ask for your money like I am!
Don in Space
One hundred pardons at two million dollars a pop is not a bad last day at the office. But the cries from the penny stinkers in the gallery grow as Congressman Andy Biggs and Paul Gosar from Arizona, ask Trumpy for preemptive Presidential pardons for any sort of crimes they might have been involved with between the day of their birth and now. I know that the Supreme Court once ruled that accepting a Presidential pardon was the same as an admission of guilt. But what does it say when one begs for one? To wear a large glowing neon suit and Las Vegas style head dress flashing “Guilty!” every five seconds. “Look, you gotta help us! We did it all for you!” Insert punchline here. What did you say your name was again? Sure, I can help you. Here is my own personal Sharpie, sign the check.
How bad is it? It is so bad that two Republican Congressman are openly seeking Presidential pardons for their part in the insurrection even before the dust has settled. Even before the first investigative committee has been gaveled into session. I don’t personally know how guilty they are. I only know how personally guilty they act. And seeking a pardon before you have been charged with a crime is acting pretty guilty. But this is the exploding blue dye pack which has covered the Republican Party. Andy Biggs and Paul Gosar were accused along with Congressman Mo Brooks of being intimately involved in the planning of the assault on the Capitol. Is Brooks also seeking clemency or is this every man for himself? They left a casket on Ted Cruz’s front lawn. Every major newspaper in the state of Texas has written editorials calling for his resignation. Now, someone has taken the time and the trouble not to mention the expense of leaving a wooden casket on his front lawn. A casket when a dead fish wrapped in brown paper and left in the mailbox would do the job just as nicely.
The orange apocalypse folds his money and puts it in his back pocket. Walking away from the two hundred-car pileup he himself caused. Conning the suckers out of their rent money is child’s play, but conning Harvard and Yale trained attorneys into putting their heads on the chopping block against no possible gain whatsoever is priceless. It is downright Con Man Hall of Fame caliber. Playing along with the big lie for fun and adventure. Then when the big lie is exposed the Republicans look like pedophiles caught in a sting, holding a bouquet of roses, a twelve pack of wine coolers and a Justin Bieber CD. “We weren’t really gonna overthrow the government. We were just testing to see who was paying attention.”
The orange apocalypse walks away while Republicans are crucified every mile or so along the road to Mira Lago for their support of Donald Trump. The prophecies of 2016 have come to pass only more so. Trump has destroyed the Republican Party ruined hundreds, if not thousands of careers and damaged the country for a generation. Let’s not be too concerned about the gullibility of sending a charlatan money you can’t afford to part with. Let’s look at the well-educated Republican lawmakers who risked it all on one roll of the dice for Donald Trump. For Donald Trump they did that and even after a riot in the Capitol they persisted in sedition and insurrection.
The kitchen light is on and the rats are scurrying. May your orange prison jumpsuit always fit you well Donald Trump and the people you no longer know. The people dumb enough to shed their careers to follow you, even after they were warned.