Some People Need a Weatherman

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Bob Dylan famously explained, “You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.” Horned Buffalo robe guy suspected in the January 6th Capitol riot says, “Hey, wait a minute! I think I’ve been duped!” Zip Tie guy says, he only went into the Capitol to watch out after his mother. His tweeted comment, “Yeah, I’m ready to fuck some shit up.” has been taken wholly out of context. One rioter recently bought a plane ticket to Zurich. Zurich is beautiful in January. After being denied entry to the flight the suspect went home and attempted suicide. He was recovering in a local hospital when he was arrested by Federal officials.

Under the clear white light of truth and a pending Federal prison sentence there have been more professions of faith than a full gospel block party. “I’ve heard the truth and seen the light! I’m a changed man!” at least, that’s what I’m gonna tell the judge. Meanwhile on the other side of town, deep in the subterranean cavern of the Republican Party headquarters located somewhere between the toxic waste dump and the orphanage for crippled children, the Seditionist wing meets; “Trump! Trump! Trump! Marco Rubio says the Impeachment trial is dumb, and he can’t wait to vote against it. Lindsey Graham has gone full K-Y Jelly as Trump obviously has incriminating photos. There is just no other explanation, “I’ve tried to help but now I’m done.” Can I wash your car for you? Can I light your cigarette? Look, if I get down on all fours, you can use me as a footstool!

The proud little boys are losing interest in the con artist formerly known as Trump. When you sell yourself as a tough guy to a bunch of tough guys. Then the tough guys find out you aren’t a tough guy after all. You’re all mouth and promises and if comes to a fight, you ain’t coming around. Be it the DMZ in Nam or the D.C. in January.

QAnon told its followers of a narrative under which the con artist formerly known as Trump was a super genius! Stop laughing. He had a top-secret super genius plan to capture all the pedophiles and Liberals and Democrats all in one big net. He was going to spring the trap on them very soon and send them all to prison! Sometime around the election, so stand by! Then the returns came in and QAnon says, “hang on, it’s all part of our plan to get the Democrats to let their guard down by letting them think they’ve won the election. The con artist formerly known as Trump starts playing his conspiracy theory music, “we was robbed.” As the children of Hamelin shout, “Oh, my lordy! Look what the pedophiles and Antifa have done now! But I ain’t a scared, I’ll bet my right tooth that Donald Trump has some other super genius plan that he’s gonna spring on them any minute now! Then the con artist formerly known as Trump exited the White House got in the helicopter, and flew away without so much as a fart in their general direction.

Tens of millions of snipe hunters left holding the bag open. Standing out in a field in the middle of the night waiting for the snipe that are not coming. They’ve sent their checks and bought their flags and hats and have nothing to show for it now, but egg on their face. When the candle is snuffed, the room grows dark. It becomes a memory of what was not a vision of what will be. You are only a new idea once and then you become that program in reruns that everyone remembers, but no one watches anymore. The faithful were waiting on the big season finale the con artist formerly known as Trump had promised them and got nothing. He just got in the helicopter and he flew away.

The Seditionist wing of the Republican Party looks out across the wreckage strewn wasteland and says, “Someday this will all be ours!” We will galvanize those Trump supporters and make them our voters. They only face one slight problem. In all of recorded human history, there has never been a successful regime based on a past regime. It is like Richard Nixon running for President under the slogan, “I like Ike!” That’s over, that was the 1950s you can’t run on the past, especially the Trump past! Vote Trump 2024, Make Pandemics Great Again or maybe, Vote Trump, Make Insurrection Great Again 2nd attempt! Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice…and I’m a Trump voter. But there is no Jonestown without Jones. The Seditionists believe they can tame them and make pets of them and make them their own. See, I can be the Beatles too, “She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah! She loves you Yeah, yeah.  Why aren’t they cheering? I’m singing all the right words and I kind of look a little like Paul.  

The con artist formerly known as Trump’s has proposed the, “Patriot Party” (name already taken) third Party which has as its goal, primarying all the Republicans that were mean to Trump. “Say, that’s quite a political Party you’ve got there. Based solely on Trump’s revenge huh, can I join?” While few in the Seditionist Party actually get it, that their plan is to take over Washington without one dime Corporate money. Corporate America is squeamish about Sedition. They suspect that once you’ve taken over Washington, you’ll take over them too. Pirates have a code of ethics but not criminal Seditionists in Washington.

Roughly half of Republicans support Trump and his lemming round up back to the future. The other half of the Republicans wish they had never heard his name. Mitt Romney and Liz Cheney must try to lead a Party filled with Seditionists, gun toting rednecks, White supremacy, the Klan, neo-Nazis and just plain kooks. Not enough to get elected, but too many to have committed. This crowd was looking for the happy ending, and the con artist formerly known as Trump didn’t give it to them. He told them he would make them happy and make them great again and now they’re looking at a prison sentence in an economic morass.

Well Bob, I guess some people do need a weatherman.

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