Marjorie? Would You Like the Floor?

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

The Republican Party has voted to run for reelection 2022 without the aid of campaign contributions. Q has told them they won’t need campaign contributors anymore and promised them millions as soon as they reach OZ.  Rather than discipline Marjorie Taylor Greene, House Minority Whimp, Mark Meadows and the steering committee have voted to make Green their poster child and new face for the Republican Party. No Republican stands so tall as when he stoops to lower his dignity. Meadows is fluent in modern parenting skills, “Marjorie don’t, if you do that again Marjorie, I’m going to have to put you in time out. Put daddies’ car keys down right now Marjorie or I’ll idly threaten you some more. Don’t you make me get up and come over there! I’m counting now! One…two…three!

Every Democratic political attack ad in 2022. “Generic Republican” doesn’t support the Constitution. He, she, it, or them supports violence and sides with Nazis, hooligans, and the likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene! Greene! Greene! Greene! He, she, it, or them, supports wild QAnon conspiracies, just like Marjorie Taylor Greene! Greene! Greene! Greene! A vote for Generic Republican is a vote for Marjorie Taylor Greene! Greene! I had read someplace that Columbian drug lords would put a flaming car tire filled with gasoline around the necks of those suspected of disloyalty. They called it a Columbian necktie, but the Republicans have gone them one better with the Greene necktie. Wrap her around Generic Republican and push them out into the electorate and watch the hilarity ensue.

You can almost hear the laughter coming from corporate donors being asked for money. “Are you still affiliated with that Greene woman? The nutty one? And Trump, you are still affiliated with Donald Trump? Listen fella; I don’t know who you are or what you want. But I’m a busy man, I have a job to do and don’t appreciate the humor in prank phone calls!”

Vote Generic Republican 2022! For lower taxes, better schools, and investigations into Democratic cannibalism! Kind of catchy, don’t you think? Ladies and gentlemen allow me to introduce myself. I was young man when I began my career in public service. I was a door gunner on a (PDV) that’s a pizza delivery vehicle for you laymen. We were stationed at firebase Dominoes, just outside of Compton. I have been criticized by my opponent for claiming to be an Army Ranger. Let me dispel that misconception right here and now. When I was in college and the Young Republicans were staging their rousing performance of Gilbert & Sullivan’s, H.M.S. Pinafore. I was their musical arranger. No amount a twisting by my opponent can change the facts. I was once an arranger.

Now, I consider myself to be strong Conservative, with strong Conservative values. God and country that’s my motto. I will stand up for America because I love this country. But if someone tells me God commands it or my candidate doesn’t win the election.  I am more than willing to put a match to it and torch the place. I know how to get things done! You know that two-hundred-year-old priceless artifact bench, isn’t going to break down that handmade antique door all by itself!

I am willing to reach out and to listen to those who hold views different than my own. I will work with Republicans and Democrats whether they believe the Clinton’s participated in pedophile sex rituals where children were devoured in a blood sacrifice to their dark lord Satan in the basement of a Washington D.C. pizza parlor or not. When I was a young lad in the Boy Scouts, I achieved the rank of Top Field Rat scout. I had merit badges in Puppy and Kitten kicking.

It goes something like this, “If I had a dog that ugly, I’d shave it’s butt and teach it to walk backwards.” Or in this case, a political Party so ugly. Besides, they are already halfway there. They have the walking backwards bit down cold, but sadly, there is just no cure for ugly. When Marjorie Taylor Greene! Greene! Greene! Greene! Says Jewish Space lasers were responsible for California wildfires. Each and every Republican is saying, “That’s right Marjorie! You tell them girl! Speak truth to power! Reduce the fractions throw out the absurd and what are we left with? The Jews did this. The Jews burned down our forests.

If you swim in the same pool as Marjorie Taylor Greene! Greene! Greene! Greene! You are bound to pick up something on you that Tide won’t wash off. She’s a bigot and now…so are you by simple association. When you deal in anti-Semitic tropes and hang out with fucking Nazis the electorate might become confused as to whether you are a Republican or a fucking Nazi. In the new Republican Party, a candidate who once burned down an orphanage chocked full of crippled children wouldn’t stand a chance, if his primary opponent had burned down two orphanages. Senate pretender Tommy Tuberville said he hadn’t kept up with current events in Washington because of all the bad weather. I rest my case on the Alabama educational system. You have a staff now, get someone else to stare out the window for hours on end.

Kevin McCarthy was supposed to threaten to take Marjorie Taylor Greene! Greene! Greene! Greene’s job instead she’s threatening to take his. The zombies got him and made him one of their own after snacking on his brain. Marjorie Taylor Greene gets a standing ovation from the steering committee.

Let’s see, as we approach 2022, we find our campaign coffers empty. The Party hopelessly divided. Trick or Treat for UNICEF has returned our donation. Our corporate sponsors not only won’t donate to us they don’t even want to be seen with us. They hang up when we call or say we have the wrong number, but I know it’s not the wrong number. I can hear them giggling in the background. Our policies are driving away tens of thousands from the Republican Party. But the question before us is, “How can we get reelected with no money, no sponsors and less than 30% support of the electorate? Marjorie? Would you like the floor?

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