By David Glenn Cox
The former President of the United States, the con artist formerly known as Trump has taken to a new title. Henceforth, he shall be known as the 45th President of the United States. While it is factually true, it is actually false. Historically, Trumpy is the 45th President of the United States. Currently, Joe Biden is the 46th President, making Trumpy the Former President. Due to vanity and mental illness Trumpy is repelled by the word former. Let’s all play along and not upset him. Just play, “Hail to the Chief” on your Kazoo or we’ll never get breakfast!
There were times in the White House when Trumpy’s behavior would make me question how much of his schtick was real and how much was put on for the cameras. News flash, no cameras, still crazy as fuck! Details at eleven. In Senate documents for his upcoming trial, the former President repeatedly refers to himself as the 45th President. And at the header of the document, the Presidential seal. He can call himself anything he likes. He can call himself King Blotto of Orange but cannot use the Presidential Seal on documents. These things are the trappings of power and are like the White House, he don’t live there no more so don’t use it as a mailing address. We let Grandma believe Grandpa’s just gone to the store because she’s old and it won’t hurt anyone for her to believe something that is not true.
Throughout European history whenever the succession of royal lineage, became a question some distant relative, some drunken uncle or ner do well would show up on the beach. Wearing a crown and waving a scepter around and claiming because the late King had his way with his mother the bar maid at the pub before he had his way with the other bar maid. And so, stake your rightful claim to the throne. They would have to have a seal or a royal ring to make their wax seals official. Generally, the pretender was put up to the job or financed by Vladimir, I mean by a hostile foreign power. At best it was a hail Mary play, like a lottery ticket your chances of success were only slightly statistically better by buying the ticket. Their goal was to convince the populous of the legitimacy of their cause be it religion or politics.
If you could obscure the issue of rightful succession with religion or politics, you are half-way home. You are ready to fight to the death to put a Catholic on the throne or to not put a Catholic on the throne whatever is your preference. We could rewrite the bible and do away with the twenty-six commandments! But the pretender must have royal raiment and the trappings of power, a scepter, and a seal. There must be legend and lore. It was the dying king’s last wish that his son whom he never met whose mother he only met once, shall be the next King with all the rights and privileges thereof. Or that the crown was stolen when the crown prince was switched at birth with an orange Reese’s monkey and we’ve just now caught on.
The con artist formerly known as Trump is standing on the beach at Mira Lago and unfurling the standard of rebellion as the rightful king in absentia. He calls himself the 45th President not to identify his place in the lineage but to imply that he is still the President. The craven collection of contemptuous clods, mutant protoplasm and mold spores calling themselves the Republican Party, piss themselves. “Wha-wha-wha-what will we do if he comes back?” Just give him what he wants quick, or he might throw a thunderbolt at us!
The orange abomination is to stand trial for inciting an insurrection. His defense childish in its conception is that because he is now out of office he cannot be charged with a crime. You know, the same way they can’t give you a DUI if your driver’s license is expired. They cannot charge you with stealing the ice cream if it’s already melted. “Your honor my client was charged with theft of ice cream. Yet when police arrived there was no ice cream present only a gooey sugary residue.” Rather than defend himself at trial the con artist formerly known as Trump prepares his advance. He’s already taken on an adherent. Marjorie Taylor Greene says, “I didn’t want be on your old Congressional committees anyway! I’m glad I got thrown out! I’m proud that people of my district will have no real representation for the next two years. She says she will have more time now to help Donald Trump cause this is the Trumpy Party now!
“Hi, have you heard the good word of Donald Trump? Trump loves you; you know! Would you like to make a donation or purchase this lovely MAGA hat? I can give you a free catalog! Trump loves you!”
It becomes clear why the con artist formerly known as Trump went through a succession of attorneys. His plan to refight the election on the floor of the Senate was viewed as ludicrous. But perhaps there was another reason for their legal evacuation, perhaps the attorneys did not want to go to jail themselves for criminal conspiracy. Because of the failing life support in the Republican Party. Trumpy could perform an interpretive dance of “Flight of the Bumble Bees” for his defense in a pink tutu and gold fairy wand on the floor of the Senate Chamber and still not be convicted.
That being the case, why not try again? Fight Sedition with Sedition. Continue the conspiracy, claim to have been switched at birth. Claim that you only want the rightful heir on the throne. Claim that you only want to right a wrong and that God himself approves of it. Continue to claim you won the election and are the rightful heir. Trumpy isn’t planning his defense; he’s planning insurrection part two. They can only hang you once, right? But with the Republicans cowards in Congress, not only could Trumpy shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and walk away he could shoot a whole country.