It’s Island Shopping Time!

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

The Trump legal team is working on a novel legal strategy based on the First Amendment. All Conservative politicians love that First Amendment like a nerd loves Dungeons and Dragons. When Josh Hawley’s book deal was canceled Hawley immediately screamed First Amendment and went on about his First Amendment rights being violated. When Marjorie Taylor Greene was bounced from the House, she claimed her First Amendment rights were being violated. When Sarah Palin was confronted with a question about gun control…yeah, she touted her First Amendment rights.

The First Amendment defends political speech from prosecution. The Russian Alexia Navalny has pissed off Russian politicians. The Politicians said, we sure would like to get rid of him. The state Prosecutor says, “Okay, we will charge with insulting a veteran and violating his parole by leaving the country for medical assistance after an attempt was made on his life.” That’s a First Amendment case, he is being prosecuted by the state for something he said to which the state took offense.

But Trump’s plan… What does the First Amendment actually cover? If you said that, “Donald J. Trump is a big tub of rank orange goo. Who he eats Oreo cookies nine at a time and is so stupid he plays Blackjack with a pocket calculator.” That is protected speech under the First Amendment. If, however you confront a Hell’s Angel in a parking lot and give him an earful about your dislike for smelly bikers on the public highways. That is not protected speech nor is it covered under your health insurance plan. After you chose the crazy/stupid waiver.

The First Amendment is designed to protect you from the ramifications of your speech; it is not designed to protect you from the ramifications of your actions, during speech. “Let’s burn down the Administration building!” is not protected speech. Neither is “give me all your money or I’ll blast you!” Trump’s attorney, Dick Limpe said, this was the most difficult case he had ever faced in his twenty-two weeks of law. Limpe is a graduate of the Bazooka Joe night school and a senior fellow at Smith Brother’s Institute for Cough Research and is also a member of several respected bars and after-hours Gentlemen’s clubs.

Limpe says, “It came to me watching an old movie. This Big Brother guy says, if you make a word obsolete or make up a word that means the opposite then you can make all the words mean nothing! I think he called it “Double-speak.” Anyway, we plan to show because of the First Amendment, you can say anything you want and still be protected because words don’t mean anything anymore. How can we prosecute a mugger for yelling, “give me all your money or I’ll kill you!” It’s just a suggestion, it’s just words and words don’t mean anything! He wants with an implied threat; it does not mean that he will really kill you, it’s just words!

So, lady Justice peeks out from under her blindfold. On the one hand the orange nightmare, Trumpy the 1st maintains he cannot be prosecuted for his crimes because the clock ran out on the election he was trying to subvert. The arsonist claims the house burned down before he could get his matches lit. On the other hand, Trumpy the 1st pretends that he is still the President and refers to himself as the President in the current tense. He has never fully acknowledged his defeat and has used his pulpit to stir up a murderous mob. But that is all protected under the First Amendment, says the Trump Legal team.

Just because you tell people for months on end that an election was fixed, and they ought to go do something about it and fight like hell or you won’t have a country. That is no reason to think Trumpy the 1st was responsible, he just told them to do it, he didn’t make them do it. How many times have you told a teenager to clean up their room? See, words have no meaning! “Gee Dad, you’re oppressing me! Under my First Amendment rights anything I do or say, is protected speech. Those are just words and words don’t mean nothing.

But the flaw in the slaw or as Columbo used to say, “Just one more question.” The 2.7-billion-dollar lawsuit recently filed against Faux News and other Reich wing outlets maintains that there was a criminal conspiracy between the White House and those media outlets to defame Dominion voting machine company. For the express purpose of making that which is the lessor appear the greater. To defraud the audience and defraud the company. Makes me wonder how much a private Island in the Caribbean would set you back out of 2.7 billion dollars. If there is a Faux News memo or a meeting where that subject was discussed or if anyone overheard a conversation, It’s Island shopping time!

Faux News Employee Bulletin: Effective immediately, everyone is working for minimum wage! No Exceptions! No Overtime!

Faux Business News Employee Bulletin: Get the hell out before five o’clock or the police will be called!

The orange one, Trumpy the 1st plays a cynical game. His attorneys, Hungidunga, Hungidunga, Hungidunga and McCormick, will attempt to prove up is not up and down is not down. They are merely words that people say and that don’t mean anything. Besides, it’s all covered under the First Amendment yuck, yuck.

But if Dominion Voting machine company wins their lawsuit and it’s Island shopping time. There is also direct criminal conspiracy drawn between Faux News and the White House. A 2.7-billion-dollar reminder, that words mean things and words can cost a lot of money. The Republicans can all vote to let orange tubby go in his upcoming dog and pony show trial, it’s a forgone conclusion anyway. But if Dominion voting machine company wins their lawsuit. Trumpy will be next on their list as he is the prime suspect in a criminal conspiracy to which one conspirator is about to pay up big time. And he won’t have any immunity, because he is not the President anymore, no matter what he thinks.

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