What’s the Worst, that Could Happen?

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Gaff, thy name is Ted Cruz. Better dead than Ted and if you didn’t hate him enough already. He took the kids to Mexico and left the family dog in a house Ted’s ugly wife described as, “Cold as hell.” But there is a larger Gaff, larger than weather inversions, busted pipes and plant-based life imitating legislators. When the crisis hit Ted jumped on the phone. “Give me four first-class tickets to Mexico stat! And book us a room for a week at that $300 a night hotel I like.” What most Americans would consider a once in a lifetime dream vacation, is just to appease the kids. You know how kids can be if they don’t get their week in Cancun at the Ritz-Carlton. I think Rudy stays at the Four Seasons.

This is the same guy who fights diligently against raising the minimum wage. A guy who works his ass off trying to take away health care from Americans. A guy who voted yes for the $600.00 Trumpy funny money but will vote against the Biden Covid stimulus as excessive. You begin to wonder if there isn’t some Antoinette’s in the family bloodline somewhere. A national disgrace of a minimum wage, if a worker toils for forty hours he might enjoy one night at the Cruz on in hotel. But they won’t get those forty hours, or the company would have to provide them with healthcare. So, let’s punish the workers twice, deny them healthcare and cut their hours!

“Gee, I haven’t had any vacation time since Christmas! Let’s go to Paris.” No, I’m tired of Paris. Let’s go someplace warm. “Well then just pull out the globe and pick a spot you like darling.” You know the kids haven’t been to Mexico this year. “Here’s my Visa card, surprise me!” Spending a week at a five-star luxury hotel, air fare, meals, entertainment just as casually as buying a pack of gum. I don’t know for certain, but I’d be willing to wager that Cancun has a Holiday Inn Express or a Days Inn to offer. Can you imagine the look of horror on their faces at such a suggestion? “Ted, why are we stopping here? Stop kidding around Ted. For God sakes this is the Red Roof Inn! Why are you parking the car?” And you begin to wonder if the King of France wasn’t just misunderstood.

But Ted the good and diligent father caught slathering on sunscreen says, “Oh, I wasn’t going to stay! No, I was just going for the weekend to make sure they got there all right. I was going to fly back on Monday, it’s only three hundred bucks. Simple, like going to the store for a gallon of milk. And were this a time of raging prosperity, it could be easily overlooked. And were he not one of those people hired by those people to be one of those people determined to fight for the billionaires every nickel, he could be ignored. This is his life, and this is yours. You spend the extra twenty-five cents for the brand name milk instead of the Great Value brand, because you care about the dairy farmers. Ted votes against the unemployed, healthcare and school lunches while supporting insurrection. Ted’s largest campaign donors are from the energy industry.

Ted can pick up the phone and fly anywhere in the world and take the family, it’s only four or five thousand dollars. And besides, rich people don’t get sick from Covid-19 and travel restrictions don’t apply to us. If we do get sick, you won’t see us at the Red Roof Inn Hospital gagging in some crowded ward. No, we’ll get the good healthcare with those expensive drugs; the one’s your insurance company says you don’t need. We won’t sit in a waiting room with stabbing victims and drug overdoses for hours on end to be admitted, they will be waiting for us.

Ultra-White Privilege, I can go anywhere I want. Stay anywhere I want. Buy anything I want smaller than a Navy destroyer, and never to worry one little minute about paying bills or keeping the lights on. You say the health care premiums went up again. So what?

Dear Mrs. Glotfelty; Please excuse Ted, he has a raging case of affluenza which makes it hard for him to understand the struggle of working Americans. The absence of a human heart and human soul has led to bouts of depression. And only by showing him pictures of starving children can we manage to cheer him up.

During the 1940s the Zoot suit became the uniform of the counterculture. Baggy pants, long tail jackets with wide lapels. This was wartime, you couldn’t go around wasting fabric needed for the war effort! Wearing a Zoot suit around soldiers could get you beat up. “The nerve of that guy wasting fabric!” America’s changed a lot. As George W. called them, “the have’s and have mores” living surreptitiously among us. While living in a completely different orbit, private schools, doctor checkups, luxury vacations and new cars. What’s the worst, that could happen? “Somebody takes my picture at the airport?”

To legislate one way and live another. Flying off to Mexico without even a concern for the family pet. “I’m sure the maid will feed her when she comes in on Tuesday.” The kind of guy who makes Kool aid during a water shortage or leaves the door open during a blizzard, utterly clueless, utterly privileged and utterly worthless. I think every candidate for high office should be required to cut an average sized lawn with edging. Change the oil on a car in the driveway and buy groceries for a family of four on a limited budget. If you can’t do those things, you don’t know me and don’t understand me, and you won’t work for me.

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