By David Glenn Cox
Far Side Cartoonist Gary Larson famously explained the extinction of the dinosaurs as due to smoking. I would offer they were just Republicans and they walked off the edge of a flat Earth. A public moron competition has broken out in Texas. First, Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick blames the public for massive third-world power failure leaving Texans dead, with billions in damages and years of litigation ahead. Feeling left out Governor Greg Abbott has decided to lift the mask mandate. The Governor felt the best way distract from a natural disaster exacerbated by Republican policy was to come up with an even nuttier policy.
The Biden Administration says there will be vaccine for everyone by May. I’ve been to the rodeo before, at first it is rare and illusive. Then things will begin to open up, until you can’t go into Walmart without being asked, “Would you like a Covid-19 shot?” at the door. Three months, ninety days, we are three months from the shore, and he wants to resort to cannibalism when we can see land. God knows, we are all half out of our minds with this thing. We all want to go back to whatever normal used to be, but Abbott’s plan is to say, “I’m tired of this hurricane, I’m going outside anyway and just ignore it!” Take us back to those thrilling days of yesteryear when Republican Governors first refused to implement mask mandates and caused needless death and expense.
It is just a mask that can save lives. They aren’t expensive and require no batteries. But in Republican politics the mask is huge. It is the Statue of Liberty and the Alamo all rolled into one. “John Wayne never wore a mask! The Marines never would taken Iwo Jima wearing masks!” They have taken a health emergency and turned it on its head to an issue of personal liberty. Every time they have to wear a mask in the liquor store; it is a personal affront. It is Joe Biden oppressing them and Grey Goose. “Why do I have to wear a life jacket? My part of the boats not sinking.”
Instead, let’s all depend on personal responsibility. I’m a good Joe; I’m personally responsible it must be that illusive, “Them” and “Those people” causing all the trouble. They are always at fault, and we can never catch them at it. Like selling abstinence as sex education to teenagers, even God knows that won’t work. Let’s all fly to Las Vegas, go to the dispensary pick up a few joints head to Caesar’s Palace. For Hurricanes and a floor show and talk personal responsibility. Sick and tired of online gambling ads I read that two people lost $100,000 the first week of operation. Most Americans are very responsible, especially when in dire economic straits. Like when some idiot bungles the Covid-19 response and let the electrical grid collapse.
That’s pretty much a fail on a Governorship. What do you do for an encore? But Abbott is the monkey, not the organ grinder. He’s just parroting Goldie, the shiny golden ass. “Goldie say, we no need mask. So, we no need no mask. Spring Break? What Spring Break? Teenagers be very responsible in sun with lots of beer.” And as we have sadly learned so many times, the disease was delivered to a loved one by a loved one. Contagion brought back to the nest and wiping out the colony. But I have my personal liberty even if I don’t have my grandparents.
The flat earth politics of let’s do nothing and hope for the best. Thoughts and prayers! You know if we enact the Green New Deal and climate change doesn’t occur. Boy, will you have egg on your face. We will have revamped our entire filthy economy for nothing! In Florida, residents raise seawalls to protect property from the climate change they don’t agree is occurring. Unfortunately, septic tanks don’t know or care much about seawalls or the debate over climate change. Flush after five dear; when the tide begins to go out. Why is the lawn so squishy? Just take personal responsibility for the Atlantic Ocean, and it will be fine. “It’s only a problem when we need to flush the toilet, most of the time it’s okay.”
The Navy believes in climate change; they have noticed their ships riding a little higher in the waves and the docks a little lower. Republican politicians support military programs to combat climate change, they tell the public they don’t believe exists. Vaudeville is not dead. Soupy Sales takes a pie to the face while song and dance man play sing along with Goldie. A dystopic Mickey Mouse Club on acid. Has anyone yet to hear a solution for anything come from their mouths? Government might not work well, but it works better than nothing. Their solution is to do nothing and see what happens next and then blame the same old suspect personally responsibility.
All that are left are the comic remains. The firecrackers that failed to go off the first time around, the same old retreads, selling the same old soap. The CPAC crowd loudly booed Mitch McConnell and gave Josh Hawley a standing ovation. There is an arrow pointing to nowhere, the proverbial red flag. While they cheered the CPACer’s said only 3% would vote for him for President. Not as long as Goldie is in the world! Frozen by the shiny golden ass they cannot move. They can do nothing the shiny golden ass might not approve.
Covid relief “No!” Unemployment “No!” Stimulus checks “No! Trust me, they love Trump way more than they love eating regular and sleeping indoors. Besides, we turn the lights out at night anyways. So, it’s not a problem.