The Trumpizoid Crazies

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Every time a Republican retires, an angel gets their wings and another one rides the bus. Missouri Senator Roy Blunt adds to the Republicans heading out of town. Blunt joins Rob Portman of Ohio, Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania, Richard Shelby of Alabama, Richard Burr of North Carolina in the Lemmings Tour of 2022. Hanging on the cusp and keeping us all in suspense; are Ron Johnson of Wisconsin and Chuck Grassley of Iowa. And then there is the embattled Mitch McConnell struggling to fight both for and against the Trumpizoid disaster all at the same time. Even bitch Mitch is talking about hitting the eject switch.

Meanwhile, far away from Gotham City in the Silver state, the employees of Nevada Democratic Party resigned on mass after an entire slate of Democratic Socialist officers, were elected. This was Harry Reid’s machine verses Bernie Sander’s machine. Bernie planted a seed in 2016 that germinated and grew until the old guard was sent packing. Not since Lyndon Johnson left office have prospects for the Liberal wing of the Party looked better. In New York, we have the Squad and boy are they popular. Bernie Sanders lost the election but won the argument. Bernie’s agenda is now the national agenda aided by Covid-19. Millions of Americans on reduced incomes suddenly realize, “You can’t possibly live on $7.25 an hour!”

I have been hesitant to speak about Joe Biden because it is too early, but the signs look good. In Facebook land they have already hung him in effigy may times. And I have suggested each time we hold a trial before we hang the horse thief. What I feared most was Biden would try and channel the more centrist Obama/Clinton orbit, but Biden has shown he’s his own man. I don’t think Joe Biden is a Liberal, but I think he is very astute in judging the situation and the times are pulling him to the left.  People grousing about $1,400 check versus a $2,000 check. Wahh!!! The new Covid Package makes the first $10,000 in unemployment benefits tax free. That means come this April 15th Brother Joe just gave the unemployed a huge tax break. It doesn’t make sense to give the unemployed a $1,400 check with one hand and then have the IRS take it back with the other.

In a Machiavellian way, Joe Biden has sensed what sort of President we need and channeled his inner FDR. Calm, positive, caring, and hopeful. Eisenhower slept and played golf for eight years, so much so Democrats would joke, “Don’t blame Eisenhower, He didn’t do anything!” But Eisenhower was the President America wanted. After a Great Depression and a World War, the last thing America wanted was excitement. They wanted peace and quiet, so they could make babies (Speaking) and buy houses in the suburbs. Biden understands this country is looking for a cool hand at the tiller after the Trump Death March 2020. They want someone who doesn’t turn on the lights on with a baseball bat and doesn’t start a food fight at Buckingham Palace.

Meanwhile in the subterranean headquarters of the subterranean Party somewhere in subterranean world of South Floriduh. World Championship Wrestling presents: The grudge match you’ve all been waiting for! In this corner, the turd with the word!  He put the Bush in Bullshit, the Texas Turd Monster…Karl Rove! And now, in the gold corner. Weighing in at well… weighing in, the heavy weight undisputed champion of bat shit crazy. The Golden boy…Donald Trump! Not since Mothra met Godzilla has there been such an epic battle. Rove had said, Goldies CPAC speech was “Short on vision and long on grievance.” And Trumpy is a dog looking for a place to bark. So, it’s on.

Trumpy has taken the Party in the divorce, and now looks to clean house. And so, the line of Republicans at the Greyhound bus station grows longer. The Trump Party sits supreme, while the rusting relics of the Reagan Revolution sit at the Amvet’s bar. Swilling cheap gin and mumbling about the good old days. Tea Partyers partied out. The whole of Republican theory of good government washed away by the crazy Tsunami. John McCain replaced by a golden Marilyn Manson. Theory? What theory? I just pull it out of my ass, and they lick it up like dog vomit.

In the race to the moon, NASA chose an empirical program, a, b, c, d we land on the moon. The Russian space program wasn’t as finely focused or as well funded and chose a stunt approach. First Man in Space! First Women in Space! First three men crew in Space and first Spacewalk! Each mission designed to maximize the PR value at the expense of a cohesive goal. The Russians found that while each mission cost the same the PR value fell off the table. The stunts were harder, and the returns were less.

The Republicans have chosen the stunt approach, grousing about Mr. Potato Head and Doctor Seuss. Stolen elections, pizza parlors and cabals. Secret clubs and minorities out to get them. Good luck with that. This is a country with a short memory and a rumbling stomach. When people are hungry, it is hard to get them to change the subject. That is all they seem to want to talk about. Hard to get the adherents excited about a brain-dead woman on a respirator or talk Pro-life, after they’ve just lost half a million of their own. Hard to express outrage, day after day after day in a high school pep rally that goes on forever.

Sun Tsu asked, “Would you trade places with your opponent?” To not judge the progress of the battle by how your side is doing but on how well your adversaries are doing. Our adversaries are running for the exits as fast as their fat little legs can carry them. Republican sedition has poisoned the well of corporate contribution until it is risky business to finance a Trumpizoid. And that is all that are left are the Trumpizoid crazies. The Russian adventure ended when their giant moon rocket blew up on the pad, Trump’s blew up on January 6th.

America’s choice, a political Party out to protect your right to a gender specific Mr. Potato Head and sixty-year-old children’s books. Or a Party trying to make sure your kids have enough to eat, and you have a roof over your head. Who knows, maybe Trump can learn to juggle while he plays “Dixie” on the harmonica.

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