By David Glenn Cox
Shhh, listen to the sound of he who shall remain nameless. The rumbling of the wheels of time moving forward as the orange package is left behind on the Mira Lago porch. The lonely little overweight latch key fat kid all alone now, as the school bus pulls away. “It’s so quiet here in Florida; you can almost hear the gators fart.” Voiceless and Twitter less, it won’t be long now before he becomes that old man that stands on the corner in your town and waves at the traffic. First comes the boom then comes the splash as Off MY ROCKER GUY, Mike Lindell counters Dominion voting’s $1.2 billion lawsuit by threatening to counter sue for $1.2 billion. Dominion is suing Lindell after a protracted disinformation campaign against the company. Lindell isn’t sure why he’s countersuing, but he has a dollar amount selected and Alan Dershowitz is in the house.
It’s like when the cab driver drops you at the airport and says, “Have a nice trip” and you answer, “You too!” Warned that he was about to be sued, Lindell reprised his performance as the cowardly lion from his college production of the Wizard of Oz. “Come on, put em up! Put em up! Sue me? I’d like to see you try!” Watch closely Mr. Lindell, they are about to show you. All across the orange spectrum the mailbox fills with bills from the shenanigans of November. The Arizona G.O.P. has been ordered by a judge to pay $18 large in attorney fees after a baseless election lawsuit.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town. Coca-Cola and Home Depot have expressed displeasure at the Republican efforts in Georgia to restrict voting. Generally, corporate influence is generated with checks written during an election year. If they could get Krispy Kreme onboard, it would become the holy trinity of Atlanta politics. To publicly express their displeasure is to publicly put their checkbooks back in their pockets. Really, really, big checkbooks. Georgia is conservative but Atlanta is not. Atlanta is where you move to in the South if you’re not conservative, ask me how I know. Former President Jimmy Carter expressed displeasure over recent Republican behavior. I scanned that article from top to bottom looking for that one word, surprised. And no, surprised wasn’t in the article. He was saddened but not surprised.
Suddenly, Wall Street has found new confidence, “He’s going to tax us and place restrictions on us…isn’t it great!” Big Joe stopped the runaway stagecoach before it went into the gulch. Wall Street sees a vaccination program picking up speed. A program essentially bringing the possibility that we might actually end this curse. And return ourselves to a better normal than the one we had. Wall Street has decided competence can be fun too! It’s all fun and games until some orange idiot crashes the economy and ruins their dream of a cottage in the Hamptons. These are reading and writing, Wall Street Republicans shaking in adrenaline relief after escaping a near fatal accident. Insurrection and overthrowing Democratic institutions might sound like fun to a Republican Congress person. But history has shown after Fascists have taken over the government, they always take over the economy next.
Marjorie Taylor Greene declares that Washington is a shithole on Steve Bannon’s Podcast, “Last of the Red-Hot Scoundrels.” With kindergarten Mike Lindell simplicity she declares, “I didn’t want to play in their sandbox anyway!” Greene claimed to have had this awesome life and the voters took it all away and have made her life FUBAR by sending her to Congress. I hope you people in Georgia are satisfied, look what you’ve done to this poor creature. Isn’t there anyway you Georgia voters can ever make it up to her and help her out of these dire straits?
Tucker Carlson stung by the Pentagon after his baseless, sexist rant against the United States military doubles down by erecting a crucifix and attempting to nail himself to it. And now, a reading from the book of Limbaugh; “When ye find that ye have gone too far, become thy own victim. When ye find that ye have said something so ugly and heinous and are called on the carpet. Remember to ask, have thou no sense of humor? It’s a joke.” Gee whiz, way to go guys! Biggest military in the world jumping on a tiny, little talk show host. “All I did was run my mouth and personally insult you and look how you act!” And you know what? If Ted Cruz didn’t exist, we’d probably have to make him up. A shady character from a John Hughes film. A low rent Uncle Buck without any of the cuteness or redeeming characteristics says, “Duh, stop picking on Tucker!”
Now, most politicians fresh from an insurrection scandal and a contesting the election scandal and then there is leave em and freeze em, I’m going to Cancun scandal. Ted’s philosophy is they won’t remember the last scandal if I cover it up with this new one. Sort of like a cat that just puts a new turd over the old one rather than bury it. Poor Mo Brooks has been hidden so long he needs a sunlamp to cure his vitamin D deficiency. Last seen in January, he hides in the basement and fears the coming message of the electorate.
The circus has pulled up stakes and left town. The orange big top is folded up and put away. The animals are all safely back in their cages. Only the clowns remain, incongruent and out of place, play acting, stunting. “Don’t worry America, we’ll save Dr. Seuss for you! I’ll defend Tucker Carlson for you! And I’ll fight to the death any attempt at helping you or your family and your even little dog. Come on, you don’t need a mask! Come on, You don’t need a shot! Don’t let Bill Gates data stamp your children! Don’t let Joe Biden help you keep a roof over your head! Defend Freedom, sleep outside! “I’d rather starve than vote for a Democrat.” Obviously.