Date-O-Matic

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Not even sweeping the floor, Faux News and the Dumb America Network throw cold water on Matt Gaetz future employment opportunities. These executives without foresight or possibilities pass up a golden opportunity. “Trolling for Teenagers” with Matt Gaetz. Why it is important to have your date home by eleven. What to do when she mentions musical groups you have never heard of?  “Drugs, hers or yours?” When the candy fails go straight for the cash!

“Hi, I’m Former Congressman Matt Gaetz. Are you lonely? Do women find you repulsive? Can’t find a date for Saturday night? I’m here on behalf of my friends at Date-o-matic! Yes, with Date-o-matic finding a date is no harder than finding a High School. Simply attach candy, gum or cash (Sold Separately) to the rod and reel mechanism and cast! Happy Angling! Plus if you order now, we’ll include our expert car buying guide, “Windowless vans” Yes or no? “Candy or gum?” Our readers decide! And what to do when she writes down your license plate number. Plus, fifteen ways to impress a fifteen-year-old in fifteen minutes or less! My career may be over but not my fun! That’s Date-o-matic, because she never says no to cash!

With every hour of every day the Matt Gaetz saga grows worse. Chucky Cheese, more than just Pizza! Drugs, money, underage girls in the Florida sun. A lifetime of luxurious American decadence and it all comes down to this. “Oh, my world, my beautiful world. You’ve ruined all my beautiful wickedness.” Reportedly a suicide hotline hung up on Gaetz and a homeless man gave him a dollar. A street preacher declares, “Jesus doesn’t like him very much.” Legal opinions vary from “Oh, shit!” to “Run for it!” He might stand a chance if he would just shut up. His own defense is where most of the damaging evidence is coming from.

Supposedly, Gaetz was fond of showing nude photos of his latest conquest to other congressman. Nothing, but nothing says tasteless and classless more than that. I’ve worked in some pretty redneck places in some pretty redneck states, and not once have I been approached with, “Hey man, wanna see a nude picture of the teenager I paid for sex last night?” While it might be more fun than a new sled at Christmas it is also the reason prisons have bars in the windows. A minor can’t give consent they are a minor. You didn’t have sex with a minor, you raped a child. Children have to be in the house by eleven o’clock and have a bedtime. They probably have stuffed animals on their bed and pictures of summer camp from two years ago on the walls.

A predator stalking them for their naivete and lusting after their innocence. The goal isn’t sex but the manipulation into sex. “Look what I did, I used drugs, power and money to get a teenager into bed! Wanna see a picture?” No different than peddling phony stocks or embezzling from old people the method is deception and the goal an ulterior motive. Turning what should be a golden experience of life into a degrading and traumatizing event that will scar them for years. Turning their world from American Graffiti to dating Dirk Diggler and Boogie Nights, taking something from them, something they can never get back.

Speaking of things, they can never get back. The Georgia Legislature has decided to have a pissing contest with Delta Airlines after the Delta C.E.O. criticized Georgia’s return into the Dark Ages. Sparking Georgia Republicans to propose removing Delta’s jet fuel tax breaks worth tens of millions of dollars.

Let me tell you what I know about Delta Airlines. When I was selling industrial engines, Delta had over two thousand pieces of ground equipment at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport. They were our biggest customer and we catered to their needs. Because being an airline composed mainly of jet aircraft they could very easily just fly away. All that Delta owns at the airport is a name on the door. They could relocate to Jacksonville, Memphis or Nashville, leaving Atlanta as the Hartsfield Jackson International Airport and mini storage. What the Georgia legislature is proposing is penalizing Delta for criticizing their elected representatives. A good lawyer could make the case for coercion or blackmail. A dumb politician could find a well-funded opponent on their doorstep in the next election. Let’s kill the golden goose if it farts again.

Matt Gaetz and the Georgia Legislature are tied at the hip. The name of the game is exploitation how can I get that I want without letting on what I really want? Voters should shut up and be obedient. Sit up straight and do what you’re told. Slowly comes the dawn as Matt and the Georgia Legislature have awakened a sleeping giant. Delta Airlines revenue in 2019 was $47 billion dollars. “You’re going to take away who’s tax break?”

It shows their desperation their need to tell anyone who will listen that it really isn’t as bad as it looks when it really is. She showed me her ID from her Dora the Explorer wallet. It said, she was almost eighteen in a year or two. We aren’t really racists trying to exploit Trump voters. Why is everyone looking at us like that? What do you mean you’re going to pull the Masters and the All-Star Game? What do you mean they’re cancelling conventions, why? What do you mean, they are moving to Jacksonville?

The reprehensible can’t see how reprehensible they are and try to convince the rest of us they aren’t reprehensible at all. It’s bill to designed to tighten up voting security and make it harder for black people to vote. Naw, just kidding. It’s a pill and you put it in her drink, and she can’t say no.

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