All Joe’s Fault

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Look what Joe Biden did now! Such is the call of the Republican wild. You probably didn’t know this as it is a well-guarded secret among Republicans. Joe Biden is a master petroleum engineer. If oil prices go up it’s because Joe got on the phone and said, “Start jacking up the prices, I want this to hurt.” Some would tell you, Liberals mainly. That this is the time of year when refineries switch over from winter blends to summer blends leaving a gap in production. Or that once the winter weather breaks the refineries shut down for maintenance. Some say they do it every year but say what they like, this is all Joe’s fault!

I laugh because it is funny. The pictures taken by angry Republicans of gas pumps with $58.14 totals. I just rented a U-Haul truck that only held $65.00. “I’m so angry, I could hardly put gas in the Hummer.” Damn this Capitalism which allows me to drive the most fuel inefficient vehicles in the world and the right to bitch about it. Because this is somebodies’ fault, Joe Biden probably. The pig that comes to the party and eats all the birthday cake and complains there is no more birthday cake. Boy, look at the price of that cake. That’s outrageous!

A year or so ago, I was making sales calls in Greely, Colorado. Greely is the center of oil and gas production in Colorado. They were shutting down like a storm was coming and a customer I’d called on six weeks before was empty buildings with For Rent signs in the window. Correct me if I’m wrong, but Joe Biden wasn’t the President way back then. President where’s my check had suggested a syringe of bleach and perhaps sticking a flashlight up your ass might do the trick. “Look at the price of Clorox and Ever Readies! Damn you Joe Biden!”

By the early Twentieth Century, the steam engine had reached peak efficiency. There weren’t any add ons to make it work any better. Oil tanks took up less space than coal bunkers and didn’t require teams of men stoking coal around the clock.  The early automobiles were cobbled together with whatever was available at the hardware store. With regular window glass and plenty of cast iron and steel prevalent to make certain any accident would be fatal the auto industry thrived. Today’s automobiles are masterpieces of engineering and manufacturing but like the steam engine the internal combustion engine has hit the design wall.

Without exotic fuel cracking the internal combustion engine is finished. Sure, you can crack fuel with a fuel cell and get 80 mpg. The problem is the car would cost $300,000 to produce and would need a new fuel cell every couple of years. There just aren’t any more computerized do dads to hang on it to make it work any better. The automotive engineers around the world have looked at the problem and are abandoning fossil fuels as, not the answer. My God, the Joe Biden effect is awe inspiring. An entire generation of the world’s best automotive engineers willing to chuck it all on Biden’s command. “Don’t build fossil fuels cars…Republicans like them.”

Henry Ford spent two billion dollars building Fordlandia a huge rubber plantation in South America. Ford was going to teach rubber plants to grow on command and thus take over the industry. Unfortunately, rubber plants were poor students of higher learning and scientists spending pennies on the dollar invented synthetic rubber and took over the industry. Looking for the old answer to the new question. When I was a kid if the TV didn’t work, we’d take the back off of the set to see which tube wasn’t lighting up. The search for the better vacuum tube is over, there ain’t one. The search for the more efficient internal combustion engine is over, same reason.

After the death of Mao Se Tung all failings and short comings of the regime weren’t blamed on Mao, but on the gang of four. The gang of four became ritualized criminals responsible for all wrongs. A visiting Jimmy Carter was offered a chair on stage. As he sat in chair the leg broke, and Carter blamed the gang of four. The translator without realizing what he had said translated it to the crowd. The crowd erupted in raucous laughter before realizing how politically incorrect and possibly life threatening it was to laugh so hard at government propaganda. Carter had pierced the veil of ritualized propaganda exposing its pomposity with simplicity.

What makes grown up people think the President of the United States has something to do with gas prices? Instead, they envision a forty-foot-tall Joe Biden holding on to the radio antenna of the Empire State building with one hand and swatting at biplanes with the other. Holding sweet Polly pure crude hostage, “God Damn it! I go to put Diesel in my new Mercedes and now this! Damn you Joe Biden! Living as the 1% of the 1% of the world. They blame the gang of four or in this case the gang of one. If a button comes off your shirt or your shoelace breaks blame Joe Biden.

This is what they are telling them across town. Not that we disagree with Joe Biden for fiscal reasons but that he’s a monster and responsible for all their problems. With gas prices playing the role of Jimmy Carter and the Republicans playing the part of the Chinese Communist Party. Outraged and offended at the economy’s recovery.

“Life has got a habit of not standing hitched. You got to ride it like you find it. You got to change with it. If a day goes by that don’t change some of your old notions for new ones, that is just about like trying to milk a dead cow.”
― Woody Guthrie

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