By David Glenn Cox
In many ways I blame The Firesign Theater for ruining twenty-first Century Republican politics. The Firesign’s subversive absurdity has made modern day Republicans mere cardboard caricatures of themselves. With Eddie Munster haircuts and an Eddie Haskell attitudes. Come on, be honest. Mitch McConnell looks like the guy off the cover of “Waiting for the Electrician” and sounds a lot like the President ride on “I think we’re all Bozo’s on this bus. Coming soon to a town or retirement community near you! Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene, together on one stage. The MENSA Twins will begin their world tour together at the “The Villages” retirement village and express lane to God community. The largest death and dying center in the Tri-city area. Relax in our amazing Edward G. Robinson steam rooms. Watch flowers on the big screens, listen to the music, and just let the drugs take hold.
Matt Gaetz dating tip #7. Grandparents like talking about their granddaughters. Do you see how it is? “Hi, my name is Matt. I’m a friend of your Granny.” Absurdity is at arm’s reach while beyond absurdity is no further, so they meld together like toy soldiers left in the back window of a Volkswagen. It’s hard to watch the news without flashbacks. “Antelope Freeway, one half mile.” Gaetz takes us beyond absurdity; he’s a Hanna Barbara character in the Wacky Racers with a snickering dog beside him on his 1912 evilmobile runabout trying to outsmart Snidely Whiplash. Gaetz is Porgie Tirebiter screwing Porcelain on the bed while yelling, “Cumming Mother!”
“He’s so good with the servants Fred.” [A.] Unaware and unafraid the MENSA twins skip down the Yellow Brick Road to the happy hunting grounds of elderly white voters. But questions remain. Was this “Bilk the idiot’s” tour planned before or after the Gaetz revelations and who thought it was a good idea to team up with Greene? Not since Jimi Hendrix opened for the Monkee’s has there been such a mismatch. Who is zooming who here? Don’t wear a mask, don’t get a shot and don’t take off your shoes!
Greene lives in an 1890s world of gym whores with a pistol on their hip and a hotel in mind. Tough minded trying to cover a broken flower that daddy didn’t love enough. Remember when America was really great? “Porgie, Porgie, you’re a White man you have to help us!” Bright light in sky [B.] It’s all a persona, go ahead and squeeze the wheeze. Without any committee assignments Greene is officially the keeper of the Congressional bee. She’s almost as important as the janitor only he has more keys and a broom. “Don’t you remember what Principal Poop said at the pep rally?” The media is picking on us, and it’s not fair. Only by electing more candidates who believe the media is picking on them can we hope to free ourselves from the shackles of democracy.”
When Trump met Putin in Helsinki in my mind, I saw Trump on a Turkish elevator ride. “Ah, the elevator boy is in your family!” An orange cat following a laser pen on the carpet. I’m Artie Choke, [C.] Gaetz keeps talking when he should shut up. Like the band on the Titanic that kept on playing through till the end, Back from the shadows again. “I’ve never paid for sex no matter what my bank account or the teenage prostitute says. Even if my wingman did confess, I never had sex with her. She told me she was 19.”
“Hello, it is very nice when someone like me gets to talk with someone like you.”
Insert money here and make request.
We’re gonna keep on fighting all those people who want to fight with us about all of our wrong-headed ideas. Our Party is the Party of wrongheaded ideas, and we will continue to fight for them long after the indictments have been handed down. Fight, fight, fight! Because it’s the old school! It’s been taken apart, stacked up and labeled! “No more mister nice guy. Now I am the people.” The fact that no evidence has been found is clear evidence to me that a crime has been committed. “Gee, doesn’t Bottles count?” [D.] “Vote for me because I never lie, and I’m always right!”
Faux News is arguing freedom of speech after mentioning Smartmatic 137 times in regard to election fraud lawsuit in an election where the company’s software was only used in one county. “They never come up, [E.] Faux attorneys argued, “You’d have to be a brain-dead moron to believe half of this shit they aire.” Then excused themselves to go get a hamburger before Joe Biden takes them all away. Just a mish mash of fear, fantasy, and projection. “Wanna see a picture of the teenage prostitute I slept with last night? Pretty cool huh?” An Idaho state Republican facing rape charges has resigned after the vote to expel him was unanimous. “Well, if that’s the way you feel about it, I’ll just quit!”
Alabama public schools will no longer teach that homosexuality is wrong and unclean and will now focus on reading and writing. Just the idea of Alabama public schools teaching sex education is enough to make you chortle. Lucky they all aren’t Gay. Best offensive line of cross dressers in America. I know, let’s name all black high schools after Confederate War heroes! Good ole Adolph High! Go Fuhrers! They’re proud of the name as part of their heritage. They just won’t fund them because that is also a part of their heritage. “I’m sorry to announce this week’s honors class, “Looking through a microscope” has been canceled after the light bulb burned out. We hope to have a new bulb by next semester and hope to have it installed soon afterwards. Instead, we have a new silent film for you, “Louis Pasture and his New Ideas!”
Greek Tragedy sublime comedy, Shakespeare, and Soupy Sales. “Don’t forget to let the air out of your shoes.” Only if the MENSA twins began to sell patent medicine would I be surprised. They have already departed the sunny shores of reality for the rocky beach of absurd fantasy at the Future Fair. “What kind of chump do you take me for?” [F.]
“Hiya friends! Ralph Spoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors – the world’s largest new used and used new automobile dealership – Ralph Spoilsport Motors- right here in the city of EMPHYSEMA! Let’s just look at the extras on this fabulous car! Wire-wheel spoke fenders and two-way sneeze through wind vents, star-studded mud guard, sponge coated edible steering column, chrome fender dents – and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory equipped air conditioned factory! It’s a beautiful car friends, with doors to match! Birch’s Blacklist says this automobile was stolen, but for you friends a complete price: only two-ninety-five hundred dollars in easy monthly payments of twenty dollars a week, twice a week and never on Sunday.”
A. “Stop calling me Fred, my name is Adolph!”
B. “frightens minority groups”
C. “And I’m just a joke”
D. “Only to ten”
E. “Up into the hills”
F. “First class”