Republican Rule Number One

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Rule one, the boss is always right. Rule two, if the boss is wrong see rule one. The National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) failed to disclose poor polling numbers for Donald Trump in key districts to their membership. Hypothetically, the purpose of the NRCC is to help get Republicans elected to Congress. By lying or being less than forthcoming with polling data is the opposite of helping to get Republicans elected. But what Republican in their right mind would dare stand up and say, “Trump’s polling show higher negative numbers than positive and declining support in key districts.”

You can’t say that! If you say that again, I’ll have the sergeant at arms drag you out of here traitor! Everyone knows Donald Trump’s polling numbers are the best and anyone who says they aren’t is disloyal to the cause. Donald Trump’s polling is number one! The election was stolen, and Donald Trump invented the tennis racket. Donald Trump is beloved by everyone especially the dentally impaired! Donald Trump drove all the polar bears out of South Floriduh. The Great Wall of China was a copy of Trump’s idea.

Well General Custer, our polling shows thousands of hostile Native Americans. But we’ve decided in lieu of that information being unfavorable to just ignore it and move towards the Little Big Horn. It is heresy to speak against the Bhagwan, shut up and pick your peas. Numbers…what do they know? Your polling is incorrect, I’ll give you one hour to correct it or you’ll never work here again! The Arizona vote recount goes on looking for bamboo fibers in the ballots. Proof! That 40,000 fake ballots came from China on a Korean Air Jet. That’s possible see because China is geographically close to Korea. Of course, it’s close to North Korea and not South Korea. And it makes no sense at all that South Korea would help the Communist Chinese (their sworn enemy) subvert an election that could only bring them harm. Fortunately, Republicans don’t read maps or let facts color their argument.

Yes, I’d like to book a direct flight from Seoul to Phoenix please. And I’ll need help with my twelve pieces of luggage. What? I’m fourteen hundred pounds over the weight limit? Can we rent a truck at the airport? We need to get this “information” over to the counting room right away. Good thing that there are plenty of Americans involved. Koreans bringing in thousands of ballots that went completely unnoticed going through customs might look suspicious. “No, I have nothing to declare. I’m just taking my 40,000 marked Arizona ballots on a tour of the United States.”

This plot so diabolical as to forge print and mark 40,000 fake ballots. Because the Chinese knew that is what would be the exact amount needed to win in Arizona. But let me add fuel to the conspiratorial fire. If the Chinese working with their good friends, the South Koreans, and traitorous disloyal Americans. Would the Arizona vote packing plot be a one off? Shouldn’t there be millions of ballots and Korean Airliners making dozens of direct flights to key battle ground states? How would the Chinese know it would be so close in Arizona?  And who got to Faux News and made them call the state for Joe Biden? Just because Biden was ahead in the vote totals, they called the state for him. I smell a rat, a Chinese rat. Let’s get a warrant and search Faux News. I bet we’ll find bamboo fibers in the rug. Then we’ll check their travel records to see which Faux executive made a friendly visit to South Korea.

The crux of the theory says the Chinese had the time skill and where with all to print phony ballots. But weren’t smart enough to have them printed paper readily available, but chose a cheaper domestic alternative with bamboo fibers. I don’t know if Chinese ballot paper even includes bamboo. It sounds like something racial like all Asians are all good at math. Of course, Chinese paper would have bamboo in it and maybe stains from rice wine or porcelain shards or smell like chop suey.

They are flogging a dead horse trying to prove that it’s just being stubborn and faking it. The comedy team of Gaetz and Greene made the first stop of their “No, we’re not kidding” world tour. Gaetz claimed the left was trying to cancel him because he was a fighter for Donald Trump. That’s right, it’s the left trumping up false charges, receipts and fake confession letters from jailed co-conspirators. The left is in awe of Gaetz’s amazing intellectual skills and knows he must be eliminated before his genius becomes unstoppable! Somebody check that confession letter for bamboo!

Denile isn’t a river in Egypt. Chop suey stains speak for themselves! China knows Trump must be eliminated before his genius becomes unstoppable. Republicans are certain of vote fraud because Donald Trump couldn’t lose, he just couldn’t. There just has to be something nefarious going on because Trump just couldn’t lose, he just couldn’t. It was the Chinese and the Koreans along with traitorous Americans and several other ethnic groups Republicans generally rail against. They plotted with the Chinese the Koreans and Black Lives Matter and Antifa to steal the election from Donald Trump. I don’t need your stupid facts; I’ll just make up my own. You know, Donald Trump invented the helicopter and the microwave oven. The Democrats don’t want you to know that!

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice. When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes, I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
― Lewis Carroll

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