Strawberry Fields Forever

By David Glenn Cox

I don’t know how Democrats are supposed reach across the aisle and work with Republicans when the Republicans can’t work with themselves. The Republicans can’t find their dick with both hands. The Liz Cheney debacle continues, “Firing squad or guillotine?” After being called out for creating a monkey faced distraction Ted Cruz just leaves a Congressional hearing. “Bye! See you later.”  Isn’t that what you do at work? When the going gets tough, the tough get going! Work with that? Rand Paul is arguing with Dr. Fauci again because when you’re a pompous pseudo-intellectual ignoramus fraud you don’t get that many really smart people willing to speak with you. Yes, by all means let’s work with Rand Paul to solve America’s problems.

Kevin McCarthy is running doing naked handstands across the lawn at Mir a Lago shouting “Look! Look at me! I’m all yours for the taking!” Mitch McConnell is telling anyone who will listen that he ain’t gonna do nothing! No how, no way! He’s really mad at Joe Biden for interfering in his dislike of Kevin McCarthy. If it weren’t for Joe, Mitch could hate on Kevin all day. But McConnell has become the invisible man, just sunglasses and Ace bandages. “Hey, I’m over here!” He’s a figurehead, the old guy in the big office that nobody pays any attention to anymore. Other than holding his breath until he turns blue, he has nothing else planned.

The Eddie Munster revival tour kicked off with the comedy dream team of little Matt Gaetz and Marge Greene. Campaigning in Florida where neither are in their own districts and no one is eligible to vote for them, it’s just a grifting tour. “Come on grand pa cough up fifty bucks!” Without having any issues to discuss Gaetz chose to focus on himself. Declaring the “Deep State” was trying cancel him in the Matrix. Trying to unplug him from the Vanilla Sky. Greene for her part was flummoxed and unable to top that. When someone shits a masterpiece like that you just have to tip your hat. Even whipped cream and a cherry would only spoil it.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch investigators were having a nice conversation with former teenager, former Congressional Intern, and a former Matt Gaetz girlfriend. I suspect the word former comes up a lot when discussing little Eddie’s love life along with the word paid. But with a new crop of interns every year it’s like a private fishing hole. “Gee, I’ve never dated a Congressman before!” Every year I get older, but they stay the same age. He was nearly forty before he had a high school girlfriend. But I especially enjoyed the part about the invisible people of the secret government out to get him, because he’s fighting for the American people every day! Against invisible people with secret agendas that are out to get him.

Republican strategists have determined by research done on Monkey Island. That the best way for Republicans to win back the house in 2022 is by throwing their poop at the American voter. “Our research shows that by cutting unemployment benefits for struggling Americans. We will improve our favorability ratings by 22%! This is especially true for the self-employed demographic who will have their benefits eliminated completely! This can be augmented by Republicans making public statements calling American workers lazy. Voters really like it when you call them lazy and take away their benefits to make political theater!”

Arizona Republicans have nearly completed the all your fingers and toes recount of Maricopa County. With the results twice counted and twice confirmed. If they come up with same numbers, they will look like idiots. If they come up with different numbers, they’ll look like even bigger idiots. “And the results are… this ain’t fixed or nothing, this is for real! We along with our crack team of paid partisan amateurs counted all these ballots when no one was looking! Donald Trump 2,150,000 votes and Joe Biden 127 votes.

The orange Svengali has them all sleepwalking passed the graveyard in a field of thumbtacks. This is the point where the alarm bells go off and the warning lights should light up. Someone pull the fuel rods from the Republican reactor quick, she’s about to go full Chernobyl on us! One hundred Republican officials and former officials are discussing a spilt from the Republican Party. Sell the bass boat and take the dog to the pound the divorce is going to happen. Irreconcilable differences, the belief that Trump can make a come back versus the belief they are about to be beaten to within an inch of their lives in November.

Joe Biden lays out a calm cool agenda popular with the American public. Republicans counter with unpopular voter suppression bills. Unpopular with the public and unpopular with corporate donors. “If I give your campaign money then I’ll look like an asshole too! And no one will buy my barn paint ever again.” Living in Strawberry Fields, nothing is real. Trump won the Election! The deep state is out to get me! Insurrection? What insurrection? “If you keep trying to make me feel bad for being an asshole. I’ll walk right out of this Congressional hearing…I’ll show you!”

There is no more Republican Party, it’s a comic sans script with wingdings and laughing emojis. Gaetz and Greene with special open act the fifty voice Ku Klux Klan choir. Special guest stars include climate deniers, anti vaxers, anti maskers and Lester Flatt and the Flat Earthers band. Delusional evangelicals waiting in the soundproof “Waitin on Jesus room” for the end of the world. “Come on, it’s Wednesday already! Could you hurry it up Lord? I’m anxious to see the Gays and Liberals burn in that lake of fire!”

“Let me take you down
‘Cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever

Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It’s getting hard to be someone
But it all works out
It doesn’t matter much to me

“Let me take you down
‘Cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real
And nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever”

Lennon/McCartney