By David Glenn Cox
There is no parallel in our political history. To say Donald Trump destroys everything he touches would be an understatement. The U.S.S Republican Party sails low in the water. Her masts broken her sails tattered and her decks awash with flame. The three most prominent Republicans, Matt Gaetz, Margie Greene and Liz Cheney have nothing to do with leadership of the Party. The leadership is AWOL, show of hands, who remembers Mitch McConnell? Highest ranking Republican in the whole dang building is busy aka too distracted by his wife’s scandal to focus on all the other scandals. This leaves the murderous moppets with the floor.
It was several weeks ago, I suggested Matt Gaetz change his name and hide out in a small Latin American country until this whole underage hooker thing blows over. Before the cocaine stories came to light. Before the drug fueled underage hooker parties surfaced. Before the campaign contribution money used to rent hotel rooms for drug fueled underaged hooker parties came to light. Before his wingman turned state’s evidence and witnesses dropping from the sky like underage hookers looking for a book deal. Latin America is now off the table and only Amazonia can save him now. Living with a tribe of friendly natives making fishing nets from the local vegetation and meeting native girls hundreds of miles from the nearest paved road.
Nothing makes a scandal burn hotter than fake morality. The Anti-gay politician caught leading a Conga line in a Gay nightclub or a preacher caught in a compromising position at the Motel 6. The old do as I say not as I do! Eddie Munster has something white on his nose that won’t wash off. “Ha, ha, ha, you suckers! Cocaine and hooker parties and we paid for it with campaign contributions! Little Eddie puts on his asbestos suits by the Donald and tells voters the Deep State is out to get him because he’s a fighter for America. Even Elmer Gantry would choke on that one but Gaetz looks down at his “What Would Donald Do?” bracelet and lets loose a bizarre barrage of bullshit. Never retreat always advance, half a league, half a league, half a league onward.
News reports say Marjorie Taylor Greene filed for homestead exemption on two homes at once. A no, no, but for Greene this is Al Capone’s parking tickets. What a relief while others are questioning her sanity. Greene has lost her committee assignments except for the Republican select committee on yelling at people and odd behavior. Greene has a near pathological obsession with Alexandria Ocasio Cortez. “I should have won that spelling medal, not her!” Ocasio Cortez is everything Greene is not, young, gifted and educated. Stay away from the prom Carrie; they’re gonna dump blood on you. We are at stage two Walmart Karen meltdown status. Greene counters that it’s only seems to be hysterical ranting to those not ranting hysterically.
Joe Biden canceled Trump’s executive order for an unfunded statuary park of American heroes to educate the next generation of patriots. The list of Americans was curated by the orange one himself, including, Harriet Tubman, Davey Crocket, Antonin Scalia and Billy Graham. Hold me back nothing is more exciting to small children than statues of dead preachers and Supreme Court judges covered with pigeon crap. You must be 3/5s to ride this ride. So clueless as to not know how clueless they really are.
Trump has turned the Party inside out so that the members who tell the truth are expelled and the ones who lie are promoted. The greater part of the Republican Party is hiding out from the ghost of January 6th which still haunts them. What were they thinking honestly? That they could usurp the functions of the government and just go on their merry way? That they could overthrow an election and install an orange idiot and the world would be fine with that? The Pentagon would just say, “Okay, you can be in charge.” This is the guy who took their murder money to build a wall. The soldier the Pentagon threw out for being a murderer Trump put back in with a pat on the head. Saying, “I don’t care what you guys think!”
Gaetz, Greene and Cheney bubble to the surface while the rest of the Party tries to meld into the wallpaper. Kevin McCarthy doesn’t want to speak about the conversion he had with the blimp who would be king on January 6th. Up to his eyeballs in sedition, McCarthey conjures up a witch hunt to create a distraction. Meeting in secret in a secret ballot not to be disclosed to the public ever. Republican leadership won’t disclose the vote or what was said behind close doors. Talk of prison cells and of jail terms no doubt. And it is looking worse for America’s favorite drunken mayor Rudy Giuliani. Sources say clerks at two of Rudy’s favorite liquor stores have turned state’s evidence. In an investigation into an insider trading scheme based entirely on Giuliani’s liquor consumption alone.
Future homeless man Mike Lindell began his new, not social media site. The site titled, everything you’ve heard me say a hundred times before but, only on the internet instead of Faux News. Sign in and leave me a message…oh wait, you can’t. The Oklahoma Governor has been removed from the Tulsa Race riot commission for pushing legislation that would outlaw such talk. Only happy talk allowed in a state founded as a Native American concentration camp. Trump the wise will tell us in his pantheon of great Americans just like North Korea of approved history. Winston Smith on steroids. “It was January 6th and the clock had just struck thirteen. Gaetz and Greene had been captured by Goldstein’s men and they were forcing a white powder up Gaetz’s nose. Trying to get him to reveal his secrets to the Deep State. The outer Party members were joyous in the streets over Big Brother’s increase in their chocolate ration.”