By David Glenn Cox
It’s the boy who cried space aliens! News Flash: Trump Lies! Tells whoppers anywhere dementia is accepted as cash. Did you see the look on that frog’s face when he passed us in the blender? Two plus two is five Winston! After warning of wolves a few hundred times you really have to bump it up a notch to keep the hoosters attention. Big wolves, giant wolves, two headed wolves and transgender wolves. The odor of flatulence in the Phoenix recount will linger long after Donald Trump has poisoned the worms of Arlington. A recount of a recount of a recount. Not to prove anything, but simply to keep the issue alive in a sort of a three-month long Beer Hall Putsch.
The problem the Republicans face is the problem all liars and Republican’s face. To sell it they must embellish it. And the longer they talk the wilder the story begins to sound until all that are left are the truly gullible and Ma and Pa Kettle. As a boy my father was listening to Orson Wells “War of the Worlds” on the radio and laughed. If the Martians were really attacking, why do they keep saying “Mercury Theater of the Air” at every commercial break? If the Martians were really attacking, would they even have commercial breaks? “Aah! The Martians are attacking New Jersey! Now this word from Prince Edward Cigars.” Anyone who could confuse a radio play for an actual event are the progenitors of Trump voters.
They walk among us and see the color-coded lazy Susan’s spinning to and fro and black lights checking for secret water marks and bamboo fibers on ballots! A recount of two million votes shouldn’t take months unless you forget to write down the total every day and have to start over. A virtual circus complete with calliope. Braille experts making certain no one has added any extra bumps to the ballots. One, two, three, six, seven for Trump. And all by itself it has become a jiffy pop absurdity. Inspector Gadget investigating the missing ballots in Pee Wee’s Playhouse.
If they arrive at a similar vote totals, they have failed. If they arrive at a disparate total, they will be forced to prove their work. But since they clearly don’t know what they are doing that could be difficult. So, the solution is like the old “Wagon Train” TV show. Keep moving West without ever getting anywhere. But who is the leader of the Moron Club? The leader who can’t stand it when the other morons steal the moron band-with practicing their moronory? (sung to the tune of Shaft) “Who’s the black hearted dick without a brain in his head raping all the chicks?” Trump! “Damn right!
Trump is going full, “Lord of the Rings” on this one, Statement by Elmer J. Fudd 45th President of the Sovereign state of Moronica!
“The entire Database for Maricopa County in Arizona has been deleted!” By, (A) Space Aliens (B) illegal immigrants (C) A secret cabal of Space Alien Democrats out to impose space Marxism on America!
“This is illegal” (A) Duh! (B) No Duh (C) Got any of that weed for sale?
“And the Arizona State Senate, (imply credibility) Who is (are) leading the Forensic audit is (are) up in arms.
“Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, Ballots are missing and worse.” Dent dent da, da! The Alein machines are attacking New Jersey and Chris Christe is running for his fat ass life! But first, this word from Prince Edward Cigars!
“Mark Brnovitch, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable election crime.” They could be under your house you know. Listening to your phone calls looking in your windows and stealing your underwear off the clothes line!
“Many Radical Left Democrats” (you know, the enemy) “and weak Republicans” (also the enemy) “are very worried about the fact that this has been exposed.” If America finds out the Space Aliens and the Democrats have formed an unholy alliance with Hugo Chavez and Space Lenin to impose space Marxism. The jig will be up! Do you believe! Do you Believe enough? Only you and your check book can save us from the Communist space horde and Nancy Pelosi!
“The Mainstream Media and Radical Left Democrats want to stay as far away as possible from possible Presidential Election Fraud,” They are lying, so I must be telling the truth! They lie because they hate me so and they hate me because I love you. “Which should be one of the biggest stories of our time.” But it’s not, so it isn’t. Because it never happened, and you know it. I’m telling you it was aliens in the sewer pipes and air ducts of Arizona with blue pens clutched in their little green three fingered hands! It should come as no surprise that Area 51 is not far away. Why with frequent flier points and bus passes it would cost the aliens almost nothing to throw this election.
“Fox News is afraid to cover it- there is rarely a mention. Likewise, Newsmax has been virtually silent.” Because they are both looking at huge lawsuits predicated on telling your election lies. The unspoken word in broadcast Journalism is $1.6 Billion is the lawsuit limit for any one election cycle. An entire electoral data base wiped clean. What a diabolical crime and there is no back up. Oh wait, sure there is and besides the actual ballots are right there in front of you in Bozo’s big top, start counting em.
Grab your shotgun Ma them Martians is back and they’s trying to steal the election from Donald Trump. A made up lie about election fraud leads to a made up lie about a made-up vote recount. Each lie ties him off further from reality. And Republicans all must bow and commend the Emperor on his lovely new wardrobe no matter where he chooses to take it. Locked up tight in the looney bin, “I think it’s important that we investigate the Mercury Theater of the Air. They could be a front group of real aliens out to surreptitiously promote space Marxism and influence our elections.
Florida and Georgia will soon pass election laws to guard the ballots from extra-terrestrial interference but first, this word from Prince Edward Cigars. Perhaps keeping them in tin foil boxes will work.