By David Glenn Cox
During a campaign debate Winston Churchill was accused of being a braggart. Churchill answered, “His opponent was a humble man. He was a man with much to be humble about.” Like Luke Skywalker with his light sabre the battle of wits was quickly over. Snappy repartee, Truman answered calls of “Give em Hell Harry” with, “I just tell the truth and the Republicans think its hell.” Jack Kennedy’s wit soothed many a savage press conference. Even Reagan’s geriatric, “Well, there you go again” was a throwaway line from a sit com (What chu talking about Willis?) but at least it implied cognizance. Is there a light on behind those eyes?
Marge Greene AKA Congresswoman Karen was cited by Nancy Pelosi for not wearing a mask on the House floor. Congresswoman Karen takes the notice and puts it in her shredder…on You Tube. Four out of five children agree, she is invading their predetermined adolescent space. Why an act of this magnitude requires You Tube. “I got detention…but I ain’t going! The Principal took my smokes away! Who does she think she is? I don’t have to follow the rules because if I follow the rules no one would watch me on You Tube. Agenda replaced by event. “Look at me! I’m running through the Capitol Rotunda naked wrapped in an American flag! Ha, ha, fools!”
The Mensa twins of Congresswoman Karen and pretty boy pedophile future inmate Matt Gaetz took the circus on the road to Phoenix. To voice their strong support for an election recount taking months. A good rule to follow is never to hitch your car to a train in the middle of a train wreck. But in for a penny in for a butt pounding Gaetz has little to lose at this point. The relevant question is why are you here? Representatives from Florida and Georgia visiting Arizona to get involved with things which are none of their business. “Look at me! I can fly! Watch how high I can jump! Don’t forget to spell my name right!” They have a right to their opinion, but there is no need to show up in person other than to shout, “Look at me! I don’t need a hall pass!”
By god, they are angry and outraged and want to tell the whole world. Nancy Pelosi is a poopy face! Drawing moustaches on the paintings in the portrait gallery. Writing graffiti in the stalls of Congressional restrooms, “For a good time call,” 867-5309 and ask for Nancy!” Watch me juggle, wanna see a card trick? Have you heard the one about the Klansman, the Nazi, and the Skin head? Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Is your refrigerator running? Politicking from the book of Bart Simpson. Is mister Yablowme there? First name Heywood.
The man who would be hall monitor Kevin McCarthy, dreams of a house leadership role and prepares by doing whatever Donald Trump tells him to do. “Bark like a dog, stand on your head. Now cluck like a chicken!” They have successfully gotten rid of Liz Cheney and now for an encore will now shoot themselves in the other foot. By getting rid of Cheney, they made her an issue and gave her a microphone. They could have just ignored her… but no! Someone with a very thin orange skin wanted her axed as Kevin cringes, “Yes master!” Now the Republicans want to dodge the investigation of January 6th. They fear it could become a dominant issue in the house races and so would prefer not to participate. There by making it the only issue in the upcoming house races.
“Well, I may be an amateur in politics, but I promise if elected not to take up arms against the government. Not like my opponent! When the crisis occurred, he hid in the closet and then tried to say it never happened! Why wasn’t he out there shaking hands with those nice patriots? He is a coward and a liar! Five people died and there is only one reason why my opponent does not want it investigated!” You could take down a big elephant with ammunition like that. Slam meet dunk. Let’s talk about loyalty.
The Republicans want to focus on jobs and the economy. Low wage jobs for you lazy scruffs. If your dad had written a check like my dad did to an ivy league school, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. Look at Marge here, no one would ever accuse her of being the sharpest potato peeler in the drawer, and she’s done alright. She owns a gym and works out and shoots guns. Vote Republican!
Look at Matt, he’s worked himself up from the son of a prominent Florida politician. To a member of the House of Representatives and the son of a prominent Florida politician. “I wanna go to Congress daddy! I wanna go to Congress!” If elected, I promise to chase whores, snort coke and sniff little girls bicycle seats. Naw, just kidding. I’ll work for our community to make America a better place! I’ll bring back traditional family values of a god-fearing America. From the purple mountains to the shores of Montezuma. Two four wheelers in every garage! NRA Forever! Second Amendment, hell yeah! And only chase whores on the weekends.
Not since General Custer famously shouted, “You Indians don’t scare me!” has there been such poor leadership. There are no moderate Republicans; it is either I love Donald Trump, or they don’t return your phone calls. “Gee Mister Wizard, will Donald Trump’s name be on the ballot in 2022? Do you think the Democrats will show that picture of me barricading the door?”
The Republican Party has ceased to be a political party. It is hell’s a popping, and anything goes Gong show. Whatever it is, we’re against it! We believe America’s roads and bridges should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. We believe that too much television is the cause of low-test scores not the lack of schools and a quality education. If you would only study Jesus, Algebra would become simple. Nonsense, non sequiturs and non-performance, performance artists. “Tonight, on Tucker Carlson, Congressman Matt Gaetz does handstands and complains about something Joe Biden did.”