This is Your Brain on Republicans

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

The Republican decision to quash the investigation into January 6th insurrection is the greatest boon to the Democratic Party since Nixon came of age. It is a burning car tire placed around the neck of every Republican Congress insect as a personal favor to Mitch McConnell. I would love to run for Congress, “You know, almost eighty years ago my father fought the Nazis in Europe. If elected, I’ll do the same thing right here!” My campaign TV ad opens with scenes from the insurrection complete with bear spray and combat fatigues as the announcer says, “In America, some people should be sent to Congress, and others should be sent to prison.” As a picture of my opponent appears on the screen.

You know, if you asked Jesse James about a commission on bank robbery, he’d vote no too. If you asked Al Capone about a commission on bootlegging, yeah, exactly. They have their hands caught in the cookie jar, and the Democrats should take that cookie jar and beat them to death with it. “Remember when Confederate’s fired on Fort Sumpter starting the Civil War? They claimed to be patriots too.” I would revisit the pan of eggs from the war on drugs refrain with slight modifications. A video series of Trump’s greatest hits, followed by the frying pan. “This is your brain on Republicans!”

By putting the kibosh on the Commission, it is like unexplained automobile damage. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t hit and run? Maybe it was just DUI. The Republicans could have muddled and scuttled a commission but now? Muddled just like they did the Mueller report. Gym Jordan could have used his allotted time to express his outrage and scorn that his BVD’s were too tight, and the Democrats were somehow responsible. The bully has had his challenge accepted and now wants to slink away unnoticed. We were all children once. Which is worse, losing a fight or too chicken to fight? With the Reich Wing Media apparatus even pounded into sand they could have still claimed victory, but running away?  

Remember that mask that you didn’t want to wear? Remember how you had your knickers in a twist at the Home Depot and it ended up on You Tube? Remember that shot that you didn’t want to take because you were afraid it would turn you into one of Bill Gates’s mutant zombies? Well, enough of the big boys and girls have gotten the shot so that now you can take off your mask and dry your tears. Of course, the Klan has always used the honor system on Covid masks for obvious reasons.

Just because it streaks across the sky does not mean its aliens. It only looks impressive because they are actually burning up to a cinder. Matt Gaetz tells a crowd he might run for President in 2024, if the orange big daddy doesn’t run…of course. But then before the room can stop laughing, he suggests shooting people like hi tech CEO’s. A desperate plea from a desperate man. I have nothing left to say, so let me say this. And the chorus of the 211 voice Marge Greene choir chimes in. She’s all yours Bubba! The new Sarah Palin only dumber! And she’s running in every Congressional district next year. “And here is a photo of my opponent and Margie cleaning automatic weapons together.”

When the shining lights of your Party are McCarthy, Gaetz and Greene? McCarthy wants to be Speaker of the House but finds himself stymied by his complete and total inability to lead. Five days after Greene/ Holocaust remarks McCarthy issues a brief peep. In a subtle attempt to hide in the basement his way to the top. Five days for most Republicans is an eternity in the 24-hour news cycle. “What do you mean what I said was offensive? That was last week!”  

Half of the Republican Party thinks Joe Biden was elected illegitimately. About the same number thinks George Floyd deserved to be murdered legitimately. So, count half of the Republican voters as lost walk-in bathtub shoppers sending donations to that nice preacher on TV. Frisbees up on the roof gone forever, gone fishing without tackle. To keep the loonies happy, they must follow up each lie with a bigger lie. To gain one electorate they must lose the other. Success depends on Yin ditching Yang.

The centerpiece of the disaster, the eye of the shit storm is you know who. And he’s very popular inside his Party. But he’s not on the ballot, “So, I want you to vote for a friend of mine” is different from “vote for me.” When I was a kid slot car tracks were popular then they weren’t. Disco was once popular but through the mercy of God it was extinguished. You are popular until you are not. Anyone want to ride the mechanical bull anyone want to listen to Nickelback? But Trumpy is locked in a time warp and repeats the same lines over and over until it becomes almost sad. “Vote for my very good friend because the election was stolen from me!” One trick pony status.

The countries electorate is growing younger and thanks to the prodigious efforts of Evangelicals find church attendance declining rapidly. The Western part of the country is becoming Californiaized with once solid Red States now in play. The Arizona recount will do more to damage the Republican Party at home. From the Party of John McCain to seditionists like Paul Gosar. The Gaetz, Greene, Gosar connection, “We don’t care how many policemen were killed or injured…no investigation!”

Republicans throw their own under the bus because without an investigation they are all guilty. By quashing the investigation, they incriminate themselves in the event. They sully themselves as the Party of Nazis and horned hat wearing morons, rednecks and proud boys beating policemen to death and taking up arms against the United States. Don’t trust the election, don’t trust the mask and won’t take the shot. A person could get rich in the Republican Party with the tin foil hat franchise. They have successfully alienated moderate voters and corporate America, all in a concerted effort to kiss Trump’s ass and lose the next election.

One thought

  1. Please move to Western NC and run against Mad Caw. He’s definitely another one trick pony hugging the Orange Abomination and claiming to work 14 hours a day all the while 12 of 14 are at prayer meetings praying his knobs don’t notice he isn’t doing anything. If you won’t move here, you have 2 choices: find another district to represent that is closer to home or launch a consulting business.


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