Hey Ya’ll! Watch This!

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Seems like every few years some wayward Texas Republican makes some comment about Texas seceding from the Union. I have a plan…let’s just throw them out! I call it, “ the if you don’t want to act like decent Americans, you can just go on and fuck yourself and be the Northern most province of Mexico.” Drop the mail at the nearest Post Office to the state line and stop the Federal checks! Move the immigration check points to Oklahoma and Louisiana. And don’t forget those tariffs! Then look at Florida and Georgia and say, “You’re next!” Perhaps Georgia and Florida could join a confederacy again and form The People’s Republic of Dumbassery. Obviously, our Constitution has a flaw. What to do when individual states cease to behave like states of an American Union and attempt to become The People’s Republic of Texas.

Republican Nazis disloyal to our Union and disloyal to our way of life must be addressed. A house divided against itself cannot stand or something. Under the Texas voting law, it provides criminal penalties for offering anyone an absentee ballot to anyone who didn’t specifically ask for one. So, if you walk in and request a ballot, the clerk is enjoined from saying, “anyone else?” Beyond absurd, beyond Democratic and beyond tolerable. You know, we once bombed the living shit out of the Germans until they agreed to stop being Nazis. Don’t make me tell you again; I don’t want to go there! Don’t make daddy get his belt.

With the end of the pandemic in sight everyone will want to flock to Florida, also known as the world’s largest roach motel and asylum for the criminally Republican. Look, Florida is just Alabama with a beach. Why not go to Alabama or South Carolina? They haven’t done anything stupid that I’ve heard about in a while and the bugs are just as big! These states aren’t getting any better, but they aren’t getting any worse. Visit the Dress Barn in Charleston where Lindsey Graham shops for evening wear. Visit Fort Sumter, America’s monument to the question, “how stupid are you?” Or visit Jeff’s Session’s Alabama favorite, the Baskin Robbins 31 flavors of chewing tobacco! Tempt skin cancer on our beautiful beaches!

The irony is under Republican leadership most of Florida will someday be under water. The Florida legislature will be forced to pass amendments allowing for floating polling stations in counties now submerged. Texas be forced to deal with tens of thousands of migrants leaving the state heading for Mexico. Hell, we don’t need a wall we just need to get rid of Texas…problem solved. And Georgia, will be forced back into a nineteenth Century Ground Hog Day scenario forever. Atlanta was once heralded as the Capitol of “The New South.” See, they aren’t all dumbass rednecks and Klansman. It was almost a miracle; Atlanta went from a sleepy little berg to a metropolis in fifty years. The glittering jewel in the Southern crown is exposed as cubic zirconium and throwing away half a century of goodwill.

You don’t have to pass vile laws to make corporate America nervous. Before they build a microchip plant or automobile factory, they have to be certain local politicians won’t get them crucified. After becoming a corporate CEO step two is not getting fired. Their only promotion is out the door. And when the power goes out or the bridge collapses or they wake to find national boycotts of their products they get nervous and begin looking elsewhere. I know if I owned a business and the governor proposed cutting unemployment benefits, I’d get all Rodney King on their ass. But famously, a redneck’s last words are “Hey Ya’ll! Watch this! I’m gonna cut unemployment benefits and fuck up our local economy because I don’t like Joe Biden.”

I will couch my disdain for the people I’m paid to represent by robbing them of money that does not belong to me anyway. Under Federal Law the unemployed are entitled to it, but watch me kink the hose for headlines. So, suppose you won your last election by twenty thousand votes and there are twenty-five thousand unemployed? Someone hand me the calculator. Plus, the friends and relatives of the unemployed. Nothing makes dad angrier at Republicans than Junior moving back home. Because the Republican Nazis sit at the head of the banquet table of life. Gorging themselves on fine foods and fancy vacations they have no concept of the terror they spread. It is no less than taking a life jacket away from someone drowning. These are Americans, your friends, and your neighbors. How vicious must you be to attack your own?

To take away sustenance in a crisis and attempt to limit the right to vote and to try to do something about it to make it happen. These Republicans have lost any pretense of being politicians in democratic government. Thugs, robbers, and ersatz Nazis. You have a right to your own opinion on taxes; you don’t have a right to your opinion on voting. Everyone votes period Adolf. It makes no difference really, if they stormed the courthouse with guns blazing or use ballpoint pens to clip the tail feathers of Democracy. The Nazis learned the best way to destroy a Democratic government was to subvert it. To question it and doubt it and undermine it. Make promises even Jesus couldn’t keep and lie at every given opportunity.

“The highways are jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.” This is the death rattle of the Republican Party. They would not attempt to subvert the government if they saw any other way. If the Republicans thought they could win elections fairly without cheating, they’d cheat anyway. It’s the nature of the Republican beast. If I can cheat on my taxes and cheat all my workers and cheat on my wife, then why can’t I cheat in an election?

They have followed orange Adolf through the halls of the Reichstag, and now don’t know what to do with themselves. The problems they face are obvious, after being anti-minority and openly racist. Anti-Gay, Anti-Semitic, Anti-women, and Anti-worker. It is hard to cobble together a working majority of anything, except maybe the bottom of the barrel and the ooze found on rocks at the waterline. We need a national voting rights amendment to the Constitution, and we need a Nuremberg court for the January Nazis and scum who would attempt to divide us.

The New Face of the Republican Party

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