The Mailbox is Full of Stupid

By David Glenn Cox

I just don’t buy it, this idea that Democracy is dying. I know the old adage; you’ll never go broke underestimating the average American’s intelligence. Or as George Carlin put it, “Think about how dumb the average American is and then realize, that half of them are dumber than that.” I’m not a Pollyanna, I just think most Americans know the difference between someone honestly trying and someone sicking the dogs on them.  Of course, the needle pop Republican mainliners are beyond redemption so put the Bibles away. No amount of preaching can ever cure em. But there is a stupid quotient even in America. Full, tilt, out of service at this time. The mailbox is full of stupid.

In North Carolina, County Republicans want Coca-Cola vending machines removed from county property. It seems that Coca-Cola (A Georgia Corporation) objected to the passing of restrictive voter bill by the (Georgia) state legislature. The North Carolinians without a dog in the fight want to jump in and get involved. “We will show them! They have no right to their opinion on local issues if we disagree.” Oh, to be a public official with that kind of time on your hands. I mean sure, we all think crazy shit from time to time, but we don’t act on it. “Hmmm, I wonder how many Coca-Cola vending machines are on County Property?” What are we going to do tonight Brain? “We’re going to kick Coca-Cola out of the county and take over the world Pinky!” No word yet on when the Home Depot’s will be shut down or when Georgia-Pacific plywood will be removed from county buildings.

You should learn from your mistakes. Republicans are going after Dr. Fauci again. The big orange one wanted to fire Fauci but couldn’t because Fauci was too popular with the public. Think about that, Donald Trump restrained. So, the Republicans with the usual cast of charlatans, Josh Hawley and Matt Gaetz, Rand Paul and Marge Greene are calling for Fauci’s termination. With a years’ worth of collected e-mails their plan is to concoct a plausible scenario to remove the good doctor. Trump couldn’t do it, but this jughead convention thinks they can? Benghazi anyone? Here is their plausible theory, “Dr. Fauci is towing the Chinese Communist Party line! That’s right, Dr. Fauci is a Communist dupe! Especially now that the parade has already passed by.  “Madam Speaker, I rise today to voice my contempt at Bill Clinton’s actions with that young intern.” Now that the fire’s out, let’s investigate the fire chief.

Scratching the earth like chickens looking for a big fat worm. They have no plan for a course of action but to just keep scratching. The first hundred days are up, and Joe Biden’s approval rating is firm at 61% The bad disease is going away under the new President. All those bad memories of those dark, dark days are associated with orange Big Brother. Harrumph claims he will be reinstated as President in August. Thank you, Donald. Every time you say something unhinged one of Satan’s angels gets, his pitchfork and two undecided voters become decidedly, not Republican.

The Arizona election recount has become the People’s choice Golden Globe Country Music awards show. Too long, too slow and with too many commercials. It has had the affect of energizing the Democratic base while embarrassing some Republicans and being ignored by others. Vote recounts take days, not months. It is like a story without end, and they are stuck in it. If the count comes back perfect, they wasted state money, and no one will believe it. If the vote comes back scrumpt for Trump, they wasted state money, and no one will believe them. Their goal to undermine faith in Democracy will ultimately undermine their faith in Republicans.

Texas Republicans passed a new law I call, the Strippers retirement act. In Texas, strippers must now be at least 21 rather than 18. See how many Republican conventions you host now. Matt Gaetz doesn’t date old ladies. In Pennsylvania, Republicans passed a bill requiring burial of fetal remains. And I want a decent burial for my tonsils too. They seem to forget, Doctors have a lot of money and hospitals have even more, and they don’t like politicians who grandstand and cost them money. Ron Decriminal governor of Floriduh made it against the law for anyone to ask about vaccinations. A gun pointed directly at the heads of cruise ship operators. Way to make friends Ron. I bet they can’t wait to join your reelection campaign.

The Republicans have hitched their star to the cult of the golden ass and now the ass is beginning to fade like cheap barn paint. The ass isn’t golden, it’s brass. There is nothing holy left in the temple once the idol is gone. And the Republicans must now sell an empty room as the holy shrine of the golden ass. Unflinching, unfazed and unthinking, Republican Governors make plans to end unemployment for millions of Americans. Americans on unemployment care a lot about the issue while those not on unemployment don’t really care much at all. “Vote for me and I promise four years of grade school antics and amateur hour stunts!”

Let’s investigate Dr. Fauci and ignore the insurrection. Let’s hide, so we can’t be served a subpoena. In the midst of daily mass shootings, let’s do away with gun registration. Let’s make it harder for their kids to go to college and outlaw teaching anything that shows White people in a poor light. Healthcare? “No.” Environment? “No.” Infrastructure? “No.” Minimum wage? “No.” The party of pistol packing nonsense. Fast becoming more of a medical diagnosis than a political Party. “I’m sorry. You have Republiconus Paranoidis. You see things that aren’t there and ignore the things which are. With flimsy evidence you concoct wild theories causing you to behave childishly.” Too stupid for Scientology and too smart for bear traps.

If the Democrats lose to this goofy dick gaggle of yard apes, there is a larger problem at play than Democracy. Americans might not be the smartest folks on the mud ball, but we did originate the saying, “Don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining.”