Do You Think That Lifeboat is Safe?

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

I scratch my head in wonder sometimes. What bad thing happened, or good thing didn’t happen to untether some people from this reality of ours that we all know and enjoy. The uncarburated enthusiasm in the fantastic and the cool suspicion of the clearly rational. “Santa Claus is real!” Teaching about racism in schools is a form of racism itself. Telling of the horrors of the White Race in America is so awful it could generate generations of racial hatred. Best we don’t say anything to stir “them” (See: Paternalism) up. When I was a kid on long car trips my sister and I played a game. Today we would have called it Bullshit, but we were kids and called it “Believe it or not.” King Kong was based on a true story in the South Pacific. One player projected a lie pulled directly out of our young backsides and tried to make the other believe. Just for fun we would throw in a random truth occasionally to try and stump the other.

NASA is working on a light Sabre weapon not dissimilar to Star Wars. See? Anyone can play, NASA is a civilian organization unlikely to fund weapons projects. “Look, I’m magnetized! The aluminum key sticks to my forehead!” That would be a non-starter even in the back seat of that 1965 Buick Electra. Skepticism 101, I pity how only children missed out on sibling intrigue. “Mom says we can have some cookies, if you go get them.” What do you think you’re doing young man? Who told you, you could get cookies? “She did!” No, I didn’t!

The Arizona Audit AKA, the thing that wouldn’t leave is moving into its final phase. The part where they take one night’s work and somehow cram it into two weeks before the lease on the basketball stadium expires. The colored turntables are out. The Nielsens came back and of the six viewers watching on One America Network, four didn’t like the turntables. “That’s Hollywood baby!” They will be replaced with computer monitors to give it the look of officiality and a massive Solitaire tournament over the next two weeks. Checking the ballots for bamboo and looking for Hunter Biden’s fingerprints. “Let’s count the box with the Korean writing all over it.”

When you recount ballots, it is pre-supposed that the second count should match the first count. If you count ballots for a third time and the ballot count doesn’t match the recount is flawed. If you hook up a faucet it works, the same way every time if it doesn’t the faucet is broken. But maybe there is something wrong with the water? Maybe the water is getting smarter and found a new way out. If you got a 64 on your history final and a second teacher calls it 64 and a third teacher grades, you at 87? Mythmaking, deluding the delusional. Exhibit A. “Dog” (Canis lupus familiaris.) Exhibit B. “Pony” (Equus ferus caballus). Exhibit C. Lease on Basketball auditorium (Publicus wastealus.)

“I’ll see your stupid and raise you a public embarrassment.” The Attorney General of the United States. Number one law enforcement official in the whole country. Got a big office in a big building in Washington. Gotta a car and a driver too. He says he’s going to investigate the Phoenix fiasco. But here is where it begins to bubble the water pipe. Arizona State Senator Wendy Rogers of Flagstaff says (Drum roll and cymbals!)  

“You will not touch Arizona ballots or machines unless you want to spend time in an Arizona prison. Maybe you should focus on stopping terrorism. The Justice Department is one of the most corrupt institutions in the USA.”

It is almost beyond comprehension, Lichtenstein warning Russia to watch it or else! Look, you might be the heavy weight champion of the world, but don’t think for one minute that’ll stop me from whipping your ass.

“Seems Merrick either wants to ignore of forgot all about the US Constitution…” Because the Constitution allows us to have literacy tests and poll taxes and count the jellybeans and the Federal government is powerless to stop us! At this point it’s a game of bullshit. Is Kelli Ward head of the Arizona Republican Party so stupid as to not have a working grasp on how government works? Or is she just trying to convince you that up is down? They executed Socrates for that you know. Once you have the dog and the pony and the high wire act you must act as the aggrieved party. “How dare you imply our circus isn’t real? I’m not corrupt you’re corrupt! I’m rubber and you’re glue!”

P.T. Barnum advises there is a sucker born every minute and I’ll add in that they tend congregate in the Republican Party. The Party of sure, I’ll believe anything. North Koreans smuggled in thousands of ballots through customs but weren’t smart enough to use the correct type of paper. In plain sight vote counters in Georgia came up with the wrong figures twice. If we didn’t win, we must have been cheated. That’s it, the other side cheated and as proof we offer, we didn’t win. And if we didn’t win, we will kick over the sandcastle. Trumpty Dumpty was caught on tape trying to influence the Georgia vote count. On tape, evidence 24 hours per day and yet Republicans believe in Puff the Magic Dragon. There be monsters at the end of the oceans and if you’re not careful you’ll sail right off the edge!

These people are not a new phenomenon they have been with us always. They were just never so kind as to label themselves for us before. They burned witches in Salem and rode with the Klan in Tennessee. They shouted epithets at a little girl trying to go to school and stood on George Floyd’s neck. There are fairies in their barn that made the cow stop giving milk. Good thing, I’ve got this amulet to protect me! “I’m not wearing a mask or getting a shot.”

One hundred and something Houston Health Care workers declare their right to the title “The Stupidest Health Care workers in America.” In the midst of a worldwide pandemic. They refuse vaccination on the grounds, “We don’t know what’s in it, it could turn us into zombies or something (Cue Forrest Gump) you never know about these things.” I don’t want to be a swim instructor if it means I have to get wet sometimes. I don’t know, the Titanic is pretty comfortable. Maybe we should wait it out, do you think that lifeboat is safe? On the bell curve of humanity, they are the lowest rung. Wanna guess which way they vote?

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