Crisis at the Cauldron

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

Have you heard? News Flash:  Crisis at the Border! Faux News – We make it up and you swallow it! Of course, since Joe Biden is undoing the madness of King Orange to the Faux News world its reported as he’s doing a drive by on Jesus with an Uzi. The crisis started back in the mid-1960s but flared up again and only became newsworthy on or about January 21, 2021. “They’re gonna take down the wall and let the sky fall. Oh, the poor White trash humanity. MS-13, coming to a trailer park near you! First you scare them, then you kick them and then you scare them again. In their overabundance in the production of untruths, half-truths, and outright fabrications it has brought the value of lying down to an all-time low on world markets.

If you make it up from scratch like say like, “Hillary Clinton has an alien baby or is dying of Aids you don’t have to remember any details. But if you’ve got your panties in a bunch about border security, you’d probably remember when Hillary supported a Coup in Honduras after their President doubled the minimum wage. ” Benghazi! Alien Baby mama! Right here, look!” You can’t tell the Faux News crowd she did a bad thing for all the right reasons. She wholeheartedly supported the brutal crackdown on economically desperate people. Desperate enough to put on their walking shoes and take a hike north. A small ruling elite and a mass of suffering humanity. There are only so many lightbulbs and toilets in the world and everybody wants one. Did you know Mexico produces more oil than Iran and yet is mired in poverty?

Vice President Kamala Harris (VIP Not Flunky) flies to Latin America to visit the region and gives an inelegant speech saying in effect “Stay Home!” But that’s not good enough. No, that’s far from good enough! Until you stand here on the border out in the hot sun of McAllen Texas, you don’t know squat about the border crisis! Why won’t she come here instead of galivanting with Latin American leaders? Stick figure cartoons of the world as explained by Barney the dinosaur. “If she would just come to Texas and look, she’d understand.”

When I heard this one, I laughed so hard I nearly dropped my syringe. Jamie Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan Chase bank told Glenn Beck… “The bank is hoarding cash because of inflation.” Okay, the value of your money is shrinking. “Let us lock it in the basement of the bank where it will be safe!” Now, seeing as how you are a bank and in the investment business sort of for profit…why would you do that? It’s the made up out of whole cloth thing. Safe in the knowledge the average Glenn Beck listener doesn’t know shit anyway but is smart enough to pick up the finer points of the message. “Oh, you better look out. It’s gonna get really scary now!”

Low interest rates mean a great time to buy Real Estate. A great time to buy means a great time to build. A great time to build during a weather limited season means lumber shortages and high prices. “Do you see that man disguised as a meter reader? MS-13! And he wants to look in your window granny and see you naked!” Republicans say, “Rising crime rate” but will not say “Rising gun crime rate.” They will say Gang violence, Black on Black crime, but will not say, gun crimes and poverty crimes. Cutting taxes for the 1% isn’t inflationary, but raising the minimum wage is.

Americans don’t want to work! The no-good lazy bastards that they are. Them! Those people! Riding on your nickel! Here’s an oral surgeon who won’t take a job at Home Depot! A sixty-four-year-old man offered a perfectly good job at Amazon unloading heavy boxes from trucks, but would he take it? No, the lazy bastard. An electrical engineer too good to get off his lazy duff get his CDL and drive a truck or work at Walmart. When the boss man say; “pick the beans; we pick the beans” and when he say “Pick the cotton, well we picks cotton.” Americans, lazy, stupid and frightened. Sounds like their Freudian slip is showing. Don’t bother with research, just make it up. Facts are just things that sound a lot like true.

Faux News Special Report: Crisis at the Cauldron! We go now to our Faux News Reporter, Barely Breathing for this special report. Barely? “I’m standing here in Yellowstone National Park on top of a super volcano that will someday erupt with the force of ten hundred atomic explosions. The administration has been asked about their plans in the case of an eruption but has no answers. Leaving America imperiled! Volcanoes just bubbling and gurgling away capable of destroying us all and the world we love in an instant, but Joe Biden has no answers! He runs away to Europe to talk with the G-7 about this year’s Christmas Party. Why won’t he visit the cauldron? If he could just look at the volcano, he could understand the problem.

The problem that poverty and misery cause immigration. Nobody walks a thousand miles across deserts for a change of scenery. That poverty and misery cause crime, Gangs and drug trafficking. The very people who cut the cheese complain about the smell. If you’re opposed to raising the minimum wage, you are a pro-crime advocate. You support the peonage party and Delta’s don’t matter their lives are naught, good only for making hamburgers and unworthy of a decent life or healthcare. When they get old, fuck em, what do we care? Welcome my son, welcome to the machine. Plug into the electric tit and do what you’re your told to do. When we say pick beans, yeah, you got it.

“The world is filled with people who are no longer needed. And who try to make slaves of all of us. And they have their music and we have ours. Theirs, the wasted songs of a superstitious nightmare. And without their music and ideological miscarriages to compare our songs of freedom to, we’d not have any opposite to compare music with — and like the drifting wind, hitting against no obstacle, we’d never know its speed, its power….”
― Woody Guthrie

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