By David Glenn Cox
I was raised in the Catholic church, but it wore off. I guess it never really took. I remember being small and looking up at those stain glass windows thinking, colorful but sad. Trying to understand what that guy was talking about before realizing it wasn’t in English. The pageantry was wonderful. I’ve been to a lot of churches in my time, but the Catholics know how to put on a show. Light’s, wardrobe, music, action! And for a franchise that hasn’t had a winning season in a couple thousand years that’s pretty good. The Chicago Cubs of semi religious denominations, and always a threat to themselves. The Catholics have their own film review board to judge whether a film meets with the Vatican’s approval, few do. Nothing you would want to see anyway. “And here, we see the mother bear teaching her cubs to go to church.”
There is a reason we call it the final judgement, son we have preliminaries before you get to the final. We want you in here at least once a week to tell on yourself. “Tell us all your sins, even the ones you just thought about doing but didn’t do. They count too you know.” It’s actually the best part, free counseling! The gear misses a tooth when the church tries to teach morality while having none itself. I can see Chris Farly on the couch with the Pope, “That was really cool the way you burned those heretics, that was awesome!”
Is Galileo still under house arrest or has his sentence been suspended? Teaching people the Earth goes around the sun, the nerve of that guy. The Pope says it doesn’t, and he is infallible in matters of faith. “Come on, do you want the cookie or not? Then say it, say it, the sun revolves around the Earth and the Earth is the center of the universe. There, was that so hard?”
When you have been in business as long as they have, you are bound to have some junk in the attic. Holy relics and the veneration of inanimate objects, indulgences. What page of the Bible was that on again? “This is the bone from the little toe of Saint Nimbus of Crackow. He is the patron saint of underwear and jock itch and hemorrhoids. In 1549, a penitent prayed to the relic and was healed of all unsightly body rashes! It is said that next to it is the holiest relic, a splinter from the true cross.” During the crusades, the church did a big business in true cross splinters until it became almost a joke. “Psst, don’t try and sell them the splinter.” Besides everyone wanted a unique relic something to draw the tourists off the highway. The earlobe of Saint Ignatius or the fingernail clippings of Saul of Keristan.
Sexual discrimination, check! It’s in our by-laws. Anti-birth control, check! Sure, passing out condoms during an aids epidemic might sound like a good idea. But it could prevent conception and promote carnal pleasure against God’s holy ordinance, better you die and leave orphans. Don’t think of it as a backwards repressive policy intrusive into the private lives of parishioners. Think of it as a membership drive. I asked a Priest once what the church thought about the Iraq war. He said the bishop told them not to talk about it. The church with an opinion about everything had no opinion on a war. They’re pretty good at telling others what to do but don’t want to go to confession themselves.
I have never understood people fighting to stay in a church that doesn’t want them. If God is love and they don’t want you, they don’t have the answer. The Catholics have no monopoly on pedophile priests that’s all churches, mosques and Synagogues. Pedophiles ask themselves, where can I gain power over children while who doing the parents? “Hey kids, the youth group is going on a camping trip!”
The bishops have led the church into a 20% decline in attendance over the last twenty years. Which is in line with most Christian denominations in America. It corresponds directly to the rise of Evangelicals and the blue haired ladies against freedom. Out to fight abortion because it is their holy crusade and out to punish anyone who says the Earth goes around the sun. Out to deny the President of the United States Communion because it will make…headlines and political hay. Joe Biden has said that he is personally opposed to abortion but won’t get in the way of other’s decision making. That’s called America, my opinion tolerates your opinion. Count the empty seats on Sunday and try to figure out what’s gone wrong.
At the end of World War 2 a great many of the Nazi’s living under assumed names in South America got their travel documents from the Vatican. The Pope said little about Hitler or Mussolini. Ostensibly the excuse was given he wanted to keep on good terms to aid in back-channel negotiations. The history speaks for itself, The Catholic Church did little to discourage Hitler or Mussolini and did business with them when it suited them. But now the church wants to claim the moral high ground and deny the President of the United States communion, when it suits them. They sold their soul for their politics and now the devil is taking them to the cleaners. Doing business with Hitler but having a problem with Joe Biden.
“Before I knowed it, I was sayin’ out loud, ‘The hell with it! There ain’t no sin and there ain’t no virtue. There’s just stuff people do. It’s all part of the same thing.’ . . . . I says, ‘What’s this call, this sperit?’ An’ I says, ‘It’s love. I love people so much I’m fit to bust, sometimes.’ . . . . I figgered, ‘Why do we got to hang it on God or Jesus? Maybe,’ I figgered, ‘maybe it’s all men an’ all women we love; maybe that’s the Holy Sperit-the human sperit-the whole shebang. Maybe all men got one big soul ever’body’s a part of.’ Now I sat there thinkin’ it, an’ all of a suddent-I knew it. I knew it so deep down that it was true, and I still know it.”
― John Steinbeck
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