Communists and Little Green Men

Falling through the unvierse at the sp0eed of life

By David Glenn Cox

History rings like a church bell. The sound stops but the reverberations carry on and on. Until it seems the best way to see where we are going is to see where we came from. The pioneers would hang a length of rope from behind their wagon crossing the Prairie. Watching for any curve in the rope to show deviation from the correct path, a sort of analog GPS. Looking over our shoulder to see where we are going.  Herbert Hoover spent two years pretending the Great Depression didn’t exist. Then proclaiming if we all wish with all our might the Depression would simply go away. It’s temporary, don’t be such a baby about it. “A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.” I think it is a mis-quote that should read, A chicken in every Republican and a crack pot in every garage.

Hoover thought with enough pure thoughts and clean living everything would be fine. But if Government were to feed people, well. That would so destroy their self-esteem and moral fiber as to destroy the whole country. History answered Hoover with an exclamation point. The Republicans, what was left of them were forced to regroup and rebrand themselves. Roosevelt was a Socialist, secretly taking orders from Moscow. Roosevelt wants to drag us into a foreign war because he is in the pocket of the Jews. We’re for (Wait for it) America First! We gotta do something Marge! If we don’t, (mumble, mumble) you know who will take over.

Such is the lie; FDR knew the Japanese were going to attack Pearl Harbor and just let it happen. The Military knew the Japanese would probably attack someplace but didn’t know where. They guessed Midway and guessed wrong. But for the Republican mind willing to accept that an American President would get out of bed in the morning heedless to the death of thousands. The three aircraft carriers famously missing from Pearl Harbor were steaming off of Midway looking for the Japanese fleet on December 7th.

FDR left his little dog Fala on an Alaskan Island and sent a Navy destroyer back to fetch him. This was the birth of A-anon or B-anon. It would take decades before reaching max Q, but the level of material would never improve.  “FDR thinks he’s indispensable to the war effort!” What leader of any party would step down in the middle of a World War? The WW2 journalist Ernie Pyle wanted to go home after VE Day but felt it wouldn’t be fair to only cover of half the war. Three years of sleeping on the ground eating when you can and running when you must. The first to volunteer for the Pacific, but now the President of the United States, he doesn’t really give a shit.

OH GOD! Have you heard? There are Communists in the State Department! And if you don’t believe me, you must be one of them! They are clever and resourceful. Have you taken your loyalty oath today? I caught one this morning in my pajamas (not going to say it) I said, “You ain’t fooling me lady! You’re going to jail Mom!” The police and fire department all lousy with Communists. Rock and roll music is a Communist plot to encourage interracial dancing! Black people don’t really want integration; they’re just being put up to it by Communist agitators and the Jews. Oh, how I miss their singing in their cabins at night.

Barry Goldwater had a simple and deviously clever plan for his foreign policy. Seeing as how the Communist Chinese were working towards a nuclear weapon. And since we had nukes and they didn’t, let’s nuke the shit out of them now before they get one! Sure, some people will call it a despicable unprovoked attack on a sovereign state. We prefer to think of it as flexing our American prerogative.

Any student that won’t go to Vietnam, should be sent to Vietnam. Ronnie Ray gun earning his stripes damning protest as Un-American. (History flashback; British troops open fire on protesting Colonists on Boston Common) The students are being whipped up by Communist agitators, “They are burning their draft cards and stirring up the colored folks by telling them they should register to vote. Communists the whole bunch of them! Those four guys from Liverpool, Communists through and through, trying to weaken our resolve with their Communist inspired lyrics. “All you need is Love,” you ain’t fooling nobody here son.

Ronnie Ray gun told us it was “Morning in America,” and we’ve been mourning ever since. “The answer is simple; you little people aren’t paying enough taxes! You are holding back the billionaires of this world. Once enough veterans of the last dose of Republicanism had passed, they could repackage Benny Goodman as Devo and make the sale. The Russians have added a second destroyer at Vladivostok! We need to respond by building a full aircraft carrier battle group. We’ll pay for it by evicting the mentally ill from hospitals, cutting school lunches and raising fees at National Parks.

I bet you didn’t know this; Jimmy Carter is actually the love child of John D. Rockefeller and Lillian Carter. John D. surreptitiously flew his Curtis Jenny down to Plains, Georgia. Landed in a farm field and had sex with an unknown Georgia farm girl then flew back to New York. Then John D watched from a far and molded his bastard child protégée for a career in politics. Finally, tilting the election scales by exposing Richard Nixon and putting his son in the White House.

Only Jack the Ripper and the Zodiac Killer have a darker reputation than Hillary Clinton. A string of dead bodies all the way back to Arkansas. And yet, so devious, and so clever as to never even been questioned by police in a single murder! Why any right-wing talk show host can see the obvious truth. So, the police must ba a part of the conspiracy. (and Communists I bet) Communists and little green men doing things you don’t know about in the dark while you sleep.

Barrack Obama is a Muslim! He’s not legally the President because he wasn’t born here. He was born in Kenya. He’s a Communist and a Marxist and he wants to destroy America and everything bad that happens will be all his fault! He’s going to destroy America; I didn’t say anything about him being Black.

Peddling fear in wholesale qualities. We better not build those TVA dams, too expensive. We don’t need a WPA, too expensive. We don’t need Social Security, Medicare or Head Start or a Voters Rights Act. We don’t need a space program, and we don’t need all these schools either! Equal Rights? Darling, you’ve already got equal rights, now go get daddy a beer like a good girl. So strange as to be peculiar and so peculiar as not to care if people are watching. All breath holding tantrums over issues of the absurd. Fighting to keep lawn jockeys on the lawn or Terry Schiavo alive or Dr. Suess books in print. Gym Jordan complained, “Joe Biden made the gas prices too high!” Before being reminded the Republicans just proposed raising the gasoline tax.

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