Floriduh 451

Falling through the universe at the speed of life

By David Glenn Cox

The Nazis developed a novel scheme to prevent voter intimidation. A soldier would go into the voting booth with you to make sure no one tried to intimidate you into voting against the Nazis. They were only trying to protect the voters. There was so much untrue being said about the Nazis in the Juden press they just wanted to protect the integrity of the ballot. The press is the enemy of the people, and all ideas are equally valid. Pythagoras had a theory about triangles, and Willie Bob has a theory the Earth is flat. Archaeologists believe the universe is four billion years old. Reverend Willie Bob says 7,000 years. Archaeologists point to the fossil record and carbon dating. Bob says, it’s all in this old book he found in the nightstand of a hotel room.

Famously Galileo was sentenced to house arrest by the Pope for declaring the Earth revolved around the sun. The Pope had declared it the other way around and was willing to start a fire and throw Galileo into it if he didn’t recant his beliefs. The eternal search for the state approved truth, “Saddam has weapons of mass destruction!” The other night I was watching a program about the space program and when it came to November 22, 1963, they said the strangest thing. “Lee Harvey Oswald killed President Kennedy and police officer Tippet.” I must have dozed off, was there a trial and I missed it? Oswald was never even charged with shooting the President and was never tried for shooting a policeman. Guilty as implied. The official truth says he did it, end of story.

Floriduh governor and the man who would be Reich’s Furher with dreams of living in the big Red House in Washington. Ron DeCriminal has signed into law the Winston Smith Act. All Floriduh Public University student’s faculty and staff will be required to answer a questionnaire about their personal political beliefs and viewpoints. But only to protect against intellectual bulling, so common on college campuses today. I can hear the ACLU laughing all the way from here. DeCriminal insists it’s all harmless good fun and nothing bad will happen to you if you say that you are a Socialist who doesn’t believe in God. It won’t affect your employment or your chances of promotion. But maybe if enough of you say you are a Socialists who don’t believe in God, maybe we will just defund the University.

Can book burnings be far off? Floriduh 451, “I believe the periodic table of elements to be incorrect. God created the heavens and the universe. So only God needs to be on the chart as the sole element of the universe.”  And for my doctoral dissertation: “Noah and his Ark.” Or perhaps; “Why Science is Hiding the Flat Earth Truth from you.” DeCriminal wants “Intellectual Diversity” that he can agree with. That all the Republicans can agree with, fighting against realities of a well-known liberal bias. Why can’t racists who propose fascist beliefs get a fair hearing in Florida’s University System?

If I were a student at a Floriduh University, I’d transfer immediately. The governor has just made your degree a laughingstock and worthless. My cousin attended a Bible college for four years and when she graduated was immediately hired as a daycare worker making just over minimum wage. She had studied hard and had gotten good grades but when the correct answers on the test are preordained. It isn’t about learning; it is about remembering what you’ve been told. If I were a student at Bisbee, Bible College and I discovered in my research. That Jesus was a dance instructor who sold snow cones on the midway at the Jerusalem Fairgrounds. My research would win me expulsion from good old Bisbee U.

Whenever early Islamic leaders came across a scroll or parchment that did not agree with their view of Islam it went in the fire. Solved that problem and the Christians likewise burned the library at Alexandria. They weren’t against learning per say, they just didn’t like learning that didn’t agree with what they had been told was the official truth. The Floriduh bill’s sponsor says that you can’t be fired or demoted for your answers. Only the protections are in a gray area and non-descript. You weren’t fired for your beliefs you were fired because you left the lights on. Go ahead, go ahead and tell the commissar how you really feel, you won’t be punished. Chairman Stalin values your opinion and wishes for an open dialog. The best answers will win you an all-expense paid ten-year visit to Siberia. Grand prize winners will receive their own rifle bullet.

If you scour the Internet for days, you will not find a more unamerican act probably ever. Not since the Scopes Monkey Trial has a state tried to enforce official truth. The State of Tennessee said the Bible was the inspired word of God and the truth of creation. Anyone teaching young people the theory of evolution should go to jail until they recant these heretical views. Teaching innocent children God didn’t create the world or get pissed off and flood out humanity trying to teach us all a lesson is a criminal. God is love, believe that or I’ll send you straight to hell.

My greatest fear was that the orange buffoon would be replaced someday by a darker colored soul with a darker mind. Someone undistracted by a cheeseburger, a bottle of soda pop or a blonde. Someone with the mind to think it and the black heart to get it done. Ron Desantis, the most dangerous man in America, 2+2 = 5 Winston! Didn’t you go to school? Climate change is a myth the water is in the Miami streets is because God put it there. Tonight only: Stephen Miller speaks on race and attendance is mandatory! When I grow up, I want to be a fireman!

“With school turning out more runners, jumpers, racers, tinkerers, grabbers, snatchers, fliers, and swimmers instead of examiners, critics, knowers, and imaginative creators, the word ‘intellectual,’ of course, became the swear word it deserved to be.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

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